what the hell is wrong in this world.

i found one fb status from sukan star regarding theres this one fella lapar, 3 hari tak makan. and he curi duit tabung masjid or whateverlah and leave a note to justify his actions.

so. to think that hes that desperate sampai kena mencuri ni sebenarnya overpity je kat mamat ni. kalau nak cakap isu susah, tak habis. aku faham erti susah.aku pernah je tinggal rm 10 dalam kocek and kena fikir nak makan ke nak isi minyak. kalau aku makan, esok aku tak pergi kerja kalau takde minyak, kalau aku isi minyak aku kebuloq tak makan.

tapi kita jangan approach isu ni mcm tu. kita fikir dari segi etika. kau sanggup mencuri ke dari meminta? malu sangat ke kalau pegi kedai makan, cakap elok2 dgn tauke kedai tu yg kita dah tak makan 3 hari, takde duit. nanti ada duit ganti balik, kedai tu tak lari kemana, kita pun tak lari kemana kat situ. tapi dia sanggup curi duit masjid n letak note. ini yang aku tak faham. kau sanggup mencuri duit surau, tapi tak sanggup nak tebalkan muka pegi minta makan.

jgn cakap aku tak pernah rasa susah, jgn cakap aku tak pernah berebut makanan dgn adik beradik aku ke kawan2. jgn pernah cakap aku tak pernah rasa susah dan terdesak. semua orang pernah rasa. tapi cara dia curi duit tabung masjid, lepas tu cara orang2 kita simpati dengan dia lepas tu kaitkan semua dgn socio-eco-politik ni dah keterlaluan. bodoh sangat.

itulah dia zaman sekarang ni. the age of convergence. the age modernization, yet we all so gooddamn stupid. we tend to make it viral before we found solutions. we are no longer interested in being civilized anymore. the people awards society worst and turn them in to celebrities while making fun of the weak people. this isnt the world that i know anymore.

technologies turns us lazy, stupid, senseless and leave us vulnerable. new things, new discovery and new challenges. and if we keep on going like this, i dont think that we deserve to live anymore in this earth.

towards the end of the year.

december is my fav month of the year. mainly its because yeah obviously its the end of the year. and i always feel like celebrating xmas. hahah. and yeah bcoz hey its my birthday! actually, alot of things happened in nov/dec, thats the reason why. for example, 4th dec. reminds me of someone. 23/25/27/30 nov. reminds me of people who i care the most. 

anyway, this is what actually happened in december/recently if you people are wondering what and where i've been doing :

somehow i got myself involved again in local e-sports scene. Malaysian Cyber Game as contractor/vendor. because its sponsored by TM and bla bla bla and i dont want the same thing happened in Major All Stars last march to happened all over again. overall it was a successful event. people from twt_dota is covering the event, team Secret datang, bla bla bla. tapi the worst part is i cant be there bcoz kena stationed tempat lain during the event. Selangor vs Kedah final piala malaysia smh ~_~


oh oh daniel bryan came, and a good friend of mine manage to hook me up with this dude in person. i was like whoa this is dream comes true!!!! YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES! #YESMOVEMENT. perfect birthday gift haha. and thanks to butang for teman-ing to see this guy eventho u have no idea who is this dude is all about. thanks for the treat too :D


powerrrrrrr



andd special thanks to rina for the birthday day treat and day out. hahah nangis tgk movie good dinosaur. recommended movie partner and would rate her 10/10. hihi


few more days before december ends. what have you done lately?

qayyum's weekly mixtape 3

hi, here goes the 3rd qayyum's weekly mixtape :

1. the top box - the letter

2. shawn mendes - stitches

3. sheppard - geroni

4. bob schneider - big blue sea

ja!

a thing or two about mainstreamed things

i have this thing or kind of feeling regarding things. how do i put this. ya know. today's trend. be it tv shows, musics, technology, name it.

last time i stop watching the walking dead because it became too extreme, and i stop watching n playing video games because it was too mainstream too. some punks came out of nowhere and start this hype, stupid hype actually and hes not the real thing. acah2 cas2 poyo and makes me wanna puke.

so i stop doing cool things or stop watching or listen to mainstreamed things because to me, it has lost its unique-ness and dah tak exclusive anymore.

hah!

thank god i watched breaking bad long ago before it was mainstream these days.

fuck you wannabies

qayyum's weekly mixtape - 2

ok guys sorry for the long hiatus, and lets cut it short, here goes the list - 2nd qayyumx's mix tape

1. estranged - inginkan kau
2. deepset - every album
3. faul & wad - changes
4. the soft pack - answer to yourself
5. mindy jones - where is my mind
6. flip garter - oh my word


there u go. enjoy!

where the hell i've been?



1st time pegi event sunat budak2 ramai2 old school style cam aku dulu2. haha best gila. kasi makan gemuk-gemuk, kasi suka dulu, mandikan, lepas tu slaughter house la apa lagi hdsjkasdhdqwo


and last week i had my well deserved weekend offday. so i went to janda baik with my bois just to getaway from things, from the city life. sungai, bbq, good people with some non-stop kush action es tu papi kamon lets go one two one two. 





 oh i took this last friday, lalu pj haritu, wow pj changed so much these days. the traffic ways, and streets. cantik gilaa. at the other end gantung tanglung, and the other one gantung kain pelikat indonesia. ada mural n everything. and even cantik waktu malam. and selalu je ada event on weekend. 

semoga PJ terus menjadi bandaraya yang berdayahuni dan berwawasan!



and happy birthday to me :D 

psychotic

i keep having weird dreams about being chased. i dont know what the hell is wrong with my head. once i dream about getting owned by my own gadgets. up to the point where my phone knocking on my door, asking me if i would like to read whatsapps texts or not.

these things are alive. tf

penat

semua orang dalam dunia ni penat. betul. serius tak tipu.

the truth is, kita semua penat. reaching certain age, certain moment, kita ni nothing more than an army of broken heart and aching soul. and part yg paling jahat is, we want more, tapi kita terlalu penat. kita penat asik dalam situasi sama, tapi takut nak move forward.

dunia yg kita tinggal skarang ni thankless, endlessly trying and scarcely rewarding.

kenkadang tak tahu apa yg kita penatkan, tapi apa yg aku boleh simpulkan is -
u are tired of loving too much. care too much. give too much pada dunia yg sebenarnya tak return back apa yg kita bagi. kita penat invest dekat benda yang takde outcome yg definite. penat pada uncertainties.

plus broken heart here, unkept/fulfilled promise there.

one thing about all of these ramblings is - aku embrace this :

some part of life, happen quietly, slowly

happen sebab apa yg kita buat, kita pillih. small careful choices yg kita consider hari2, slow2 buat kita jadi better person-version

and jgn penah rasa lemah. penat kita bersebab. semua sebab tu betul tak salah. kita penat sbb its supposed to be

penat sebab kita growing up. penat sebab kita cuba tuk make a change. someday, u'll see.

sekian, sedikit nasihat untuk mereka yg merasakan diorang dah habis source untuk go thru all over again

drag me to lombok

ohai there. its been a week since my last visit here, i have been busy visiting place, traveling. hihi. oh ya i went to handorf and lombok, gili trawangan. yes u are right. the island of komodo dragons!

went there for a week, memula rasa mcm indon mesti tak best, mcm jakarta n shit, tapi i were wrong. sebaliknya amat tenang. chill je. dari 1st time aku jejak kaki kat airport dia. sampailah ke trawangan. the air is good, tak mcm phuket, krabi or samui. hijau saja merata-rata. abit panas, biasalah iklim tropika plus aku baru balik dari handorf n tgh baru2 nak spring itu hari.

and yeah. apa yg aku perasan orang lombok ni lembut2. no wonder anak gadis mesia senang kena game bawa lari pegi sini (trivial) kakaka. anyway, berikut adalah sisipan gambar beserta sedikit karangan pendek sebagai caption ^_^


sampai di jeti sengigi, naik speed boat dari sini, 100k pertip, direct, tiada orang lain kecuali group kamu. kalau nak naik boat biasa, 15k aje. tapi naiklah ramai2 bot kayu slow tu. and taxi dari airport ke jeti sengigi is around 280k per car. so kongsi2 lah, murah la juga




sampai di jeti gili trawangan, ha ni la dia kengkawan travel aku kali ni. yes 3 pempuan 1 lelaki. memula pisang tapi dapat juga aku menyesuaikan diri.


and kat trawangan ni semua kenderaan bermotor adalah di larang sama sekali, so dia punya main ride kat sini cidomo ni. sekali naik, 50k. and atas pulau ni hanya ada 2 atm, and yes dia mmg well preserve trawangan ni dari anasir anasir luar. so either u walk untuk kemana2, or u sewa basikal.

i did both. and aku givap naik basikal. HAHAHAHAHA bapak penat sial. aku jalan kaki bagus lagi. and aku punya bijak, pegi book villa kat hujung dunia, and kena jalan around 500m masuk dalam. and nak pegi makan or jeti, jalan almost 1.5k everyday. bayangkan? bayangkan? sehari dua tu aku sumpah seranah juga, tapi bila dah biasa, takde rasa apa dah. plus aku rasa its been a while since aku jalan kaki jejauh. 


kedai2 tepi jalan. semuanya biasa jual baju selipar google tapi kedai kraf tangan topeng ni sesuatu bagi aku. hence the pic



on the 3rd day aku berkawan dgn 2 budak local ni, so trip ke pantai pink delay, and i spend the day jadi nelayan. sorang nama irwan, sorang lagi nama apa ntah lupa.


ni pantai sunset, nak pegi, its either kau kayuh satu pulau, or ikut jalan potong. either way, the walk or the ride sangat worth it. best gilaa ada bean bag n shit, and ada local bar buka, so dia akan setup camfire, boleh nyanyi2 sambil tgk sunset. awh so sweed


boleh kata tiap malam aktivitinya ini lah. lepas makan, around 9 kami akan pegi ke satu bar/cafe ni, dia ada pasang movie, and the best part is, tepi pantai, atas pasir, sejuk je pasir halus malam2. and u can choose nak pakai recliner ke duduk atas kusi biasa, orderlah milkshare ke apa ke, layan movie sambil kena tiup2 angin, kalau nak deep, sinilah tempat dia!


ni exterior villa yg aku sewa. rm 580 a week. boleh tido max 8 orang. hahaha bapak best sewa sensorang tapi sunyi ah :(


ni pool dia, buka gate, tadah ada pool siap


some breath taking view during lunch hour at trawangan


tak tau apa nama tempat ni, tapi lawa, cantik gila


air terjun di lombok. ada 4 air terjun semuanya and u wanna know what? idk how aku boleh larat n mampu naik gunung ni, naik, and turun untuk ke 2nd spot air terjun dia which is paling cantik kat lombok. its 2 jam hiking naik, 2 jam hiking turun. despite kaki aku ada ACL n shit, rasa wow, aku mampu lagi rupanya mendaki gunung hihi. tapi comes with its price la. malam tu berkicap dia tuhan je tahu. and few more days of suffering. but nothing serious happens, biasa la eksersais sikit, otot hurt in the process


dont ask. i just happen to lalu here, and i totally understand the sign. so i stop and tanya can i take the pic, he said can can can and he offered me some......magic mushroom. without hesitation aku terus kasdkalsdasdhd ads;ja hsdiasd. and yeah, next level dia punya trip. and yep, diorang serve magic mushroom cocktail for 80k per shots. nasty shit. main visual and the trip dia ok not bad. u'll see sounds, hear colors. but worry not. tak main emosi ke provoke bitterness nope.


raw magic mushroom. ada 6 bungkusan, 150k. stended recreational drugs la 50 per personal use. everyday im shuffling teet teet teeet


on the way balik, singgah kejap dekat look out point sengigi-mataram. lawa gilaaaaa


the famous ayam taliwang. bapok pedas hanat benatang ni


and yeap. i think i'll conclude this drag me to lombok trip in one post. and masih menunggu gambar juga dari ucu dan kawan2 dia. i'll definitely return here. best place tuk bertenang. tak mcm pulau2 di thailand. ya know what, just come here n rasa sendiri experience dia. worth every penny. memula tu tak biasa akan sumpah seranah but u'll learn to blend in with the people and area. looking forward to visit gili trawangan and its people!

#toys4kidz @ twt_dota



bismillah hir rahman nir rahim.

haa kalini kami di twt_dota kembali dengan program kemasyarakatan. sebenarnya ni spin-off program je pun dari program asal #toys4kidzIV. saja nak tambah funds. so here it is, i present to you the poster.

ada 4 program :

overthrow games.
captains mode.
pudge wars
10 vs 10

setiap penyertaan adalah berharga rm 10, dan kesemua sumbangan yg kami terima akan disalurkan kepada program #toys4kidzIV dan akan digunakan untuk membeli barangan (goodie bag). dalam goodie bags tu akan ada items seperti :

soft drinks
soft toys
magazine
coloring book
color/crayons
and few more items.

jadi diharapkan agar sumbangan daripada kalian semua dapat membantu adik-adik yg kurang bernasib baik ni, lets put a smile on their face, lets play video games and sambil2 menderma. kepada mereka yang nak derma lebih pon boleh, di alu-alukan.

p/s : after 5-6 years aku tak design apa2, this is the best i can try. haha. rindu juga zaman dulu2 >.<

qayyum's weekly mixtape - 1

i think i want to start a new themed post - and i'll name it qayyum's weekly mixtape and i'll share new music that i accidentally discover/heard in the movies.

lately i have been watching a lot of movies, some movies ada sountrack yg sedap2 which sebenarnya nobody pun gives a damn, but here goes, the 1st week list of qayyum's weekly mixtape vol 1.


this week mixtape consist of  6 artist.


1. Nathan hermida - sure thing (original song - miguel with the same title, btw nathan hermida - the voice contestant)

2. Coldplay - us againts the world

3. Kelsia Bellarini - love me like you mean it

4. Zebra - beach house

5.  Born  - 10,000 Emerald Pools

6. Bil Musa - every single song on her EP. check her out :D



suitable for a long long road trip with bunch of friends. sekadar gambar hiasan, taken from the album drag me to vietnam 2014.

updates, mid sept-oct

1.  #toys4kidzIV



its been a while since CP group buat any charity program. and yeap we're back again after a several years of hiatus with this #toys4kidzIV, and this year its a bit different, we no longer ask for soft toys donation and stuffs, and the idea now is to ask for donations and buy 1 tshirt from us just for rm 35 ringgit. click on the picture to find more about our charity program. and feel free to ask me about anything regarding the program.

2. #TJLANPARTY3

alhamdulillah #TJLANPARTY3 ended few weeks back. its was a successful event. breaking the trending topic for 2 days, got a lot good publicity about this event and surely one of a kind. this year format is totally different from the previous two tjlanparty, with the qualifier round introduces, giving it TI-feels for amateur player and new comers. and surely we'll return next year with more surprises. thank you to those who contribute their energy, time and passion to make #TJLANPARTY3 possible.
love u guys.


 players getting ready!


sup dude?


izaliza sumandak with her templar assassin outfit, cool :D


muka orang yg tak tido-tido buat kerja siang malam haha



3. Paeh & Yani / Hanes & Shafiza


dont ask, do not ask, just dont.



morning musings because i am dead bored

I.


i always like this kind of atmosphere where everything is really calm before the storm finally came. currently i am sitting on my chair, looking out of the window. im bored, dead bored. i have been working so hard, so goddamn hard till theres nothing more to be done before 12. and here i am, writing this bullshit or bullcrap or whatever u guys want to call them.

i always thought that by taking some time off from things, would buy me more time to do other things. in fact, i was wrong. theres still things needed to be done. once u've finished with this one thing, another thing came in. and the cycle keeps on repeating itself. currently retiring from all of those dota n twt_dota thingy, datang pula benda lain.

jadi sebenarnya mcm mana kita nak bebaskan diri dari tanggungjawab. i mean, for once, i want to sleep without having things to think about before i sleep, and after i sleep. i dont want to answer this and that, or talk to people. i just want to relax and do my things without thinking about other people. i want to live on my own, for now. u know, talk to the same people everyday. the same thing, routine. i feel like i should disappear. i feel like i should stand far far away and only watch. but i couldnt resist that. maybe i am not that kind of person to begin with.

its not that i didnt try. i did. mom, and few more other people keep on asking me, why didnt u rply, are u busy, are they bothering u till u didnt rply anything. idk what to say to them. i wish i cudda've answer - "malas nak rply, penat, i am busy cant u see? im outside enjoying life that i should have" - all of these kind of answers without buat diorang terasa or mad at me. i know u people care, but for now, gimme some space to breathe. let me have sometime for myself. ya know, i have been working 26 days non stop and only had my break on merdaka and the day after before i start working 9 am - 10 pm including weekend.



II.

i am currently texting this one girl. but the only thing that i've said in our texts is mainly - goodnight wishes, morning, daily routine shits and i dont think that we established anything or any conversation till she said it herself (omg malunya), or barely talk about things. i want to get to know her but i think i am just bothering her and stuffs. shit. i am a boring person. i am a robot. with all of these code of conducts, protocols, timing and shit i dont think im gonna last like this. i lack confidence. i would love to ask more and get to know her deeper. im hoping for nothing but i really really want to get to know her. but im afraid that she has the wrong idea about me already. haih.

partly bcos im no longer fun. partly bcos i only text her when only i had my free time, partly bcos of the timezone differences and the way this conversation is virtually done, so theres not much i can do. HAIH LAH. and i dont know what to say asdkjasdlkasdhasd help me on this one. man i suck



III.

i feel a bit betrayed and disappointed with people. i mean, how could u judge me based on a public twitter account where i appointed some people to take care of the account. after all we been thru and after all of those things were said and done, suddenly we're not friends anymore? am i not worthy enough to be ur friend? do u have to judge me based on one twitter account after all of those things that i've done, we've done all these years? cmon man u've hurt me. u've hurt my feelings. i didnt do any of that to u. we cudda've talk like adult would. i cudda've retaliate the same way u did to me but i didnt because i dont want to hurt anybody's feeling over stupid matter. people with different views, hobbies, preferences boleh co-exist kot. but whe we choose to build up those walls for a reason seems so small? does it worth the hate?

bukan nak cakap diri sendiri best, bukan nak bangga siri ke apa. but selagi ada daya, selagi aku mampu, selagi boleh, i will be there for u. eventho i already know, mostly they wont be there when i needed them the most, i still want to be there for u. call me stupid call me dumb. but i am not that kind of ass when it comes to the term loyal, companion, and shit. i always put others before myself. always did, always do never failed to do so. tell me something, where am i when u needed me the most that time. and ask urself, where are u when i needed u the most? am i there? i am not? kinda makes me sad that time, but this is not the 1st time this kind of thing happened. people have different ego and different approach, but nevermind, life goes on.

IV.

being an adult sucks. responsibility sucks. living life sucks.


lawak studios

ever since i've take a break from everything bit by bit, i came across a new thing. which is attending our very own local scene of stand up comedies. honestly speaking, if you are into stand up comedy in youtube and expecting the same level of joke yang di pertontonkan kat sini, taraf dia mmg jauh berbeza, but still, sangat enjoy. new experience for me. besides tgk stand up comedy, ada juga live band. which i am sangat into it.

why i said - if you are expecting the same kind of level yang kita tgk dalam youtube, you better dont come? look. cmon man. this is malaysia. kita ni negara dan bangsa yang penuh dengan taboo, things which that need some respect, bounded by cultural n ritual thingy, jadinya tak boleh la nak buat lawak suka2 hati kita tanpa memikirkan kesan dan akibat kalau kita sentuh benda2 sensitif.. our local scene dgn apa yg korang tgk dalam youtube tu is orang putih they can make joke out of anything. be it, your mother, your religion. etcs. they have no boundaries or anything to stop them from making jokes out of it.itu bukan cara kita, malaysian. tapi one thing yg aku perasan, stand up comedy ni bagi aku is mcm series. if u miss last week punya session and datang next week, korang takkan dapat tangkap inside joke diorang. 

and yes, if u ask me, i would love to recommend you people to come and try sendiri mcm mana attend benda2 mcm ni. fun. looking forward next session punya lawak studio and lawak sorang-sorang.



dekat je dgn rumah aku rupanya. infront of ioi mall ada satu tempat muda mudi nama ioi boulevard. 

barisan performer malam itu

my buddy shahid yang terkenal dengan jenaka sendiri yang kadang2 hambar kadang2 mencucuk juga urat ketawa. dah 4-5 bulan involved dgn benda standup comedy ni. 

brader bob, a/k/a barista lawak studio, dan bercerita tentang kelebihan sorang "bob" dalam percintaan 

cant remember his name, tapi hes the acting MC malam tu. lawak mampos dengan inside joke dia regarding what its like to be a sikh, jgn samakan diorang dgn indian and so on. 

and yes of course ada stand up comedian yg dah establish mcm - JD, KC teruna wangi, sulaiman and few more others. cuma lawak studio ni is a platform for new comers to tryout and asah bakat diorang. 

bond

i used to put so much hope on people. no matter how many times they would get fucked up over and over, i will always try my best to be there for them.

and usually not that many would stood up for me when i needed them the most. not even the smallest/simplest thing could be done.

so ask this question to yourself.

"where are you, when he/she need you, as he would have done the same thing, to you?" 


jealous

I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind, cause

I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me


I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the night
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love, cause





beauty

beauty is a beguiling call to death, and im addicted to the sweet pitch of its siren.
that, starts sweet, end bitter. and that, which starts bitter, ends sweet


and you can always paint the rose red, my friend

you're beautiful. and you're confusing.
you're illogical and you're amazing.

and i've seen the world.
its overrated

until you're everything
i have nothing.

but empty space

raya, post raya, during puasa stuffs.

pretty much few pics and descriptions on what i did - puasa, raya, post raya


involved with a small charity project - gamers 4 good which is aim to raised funds to help those people who are affected with sabah quake. we sell kad raya, jual vvip premium personal collectible stuffs, lelong in game items avatars. was a success even working with a very limited time and workforce ^_^


i came home just to find this in my room. awh so cute. anak kucennnn everywhere :D



last balik last time raya haji last year, and when my aunt passed away last june. almost lupa mcm mana rasa lauk mak masak. dan akhir dapat juga merasa lauk mak masak (after i decide p mati, aku taknak stay sampai rabu baru balik, so i chow on tuesday hahaha), merasa sahur dgn buka sama family. i was busy, and pre-occupied with lotssa works and personal issues to deal with. and u just cant find asam pedas yg betul2 boleh di telan kat KL ni. have to go home to eat one. authentic asam pedas from johor. bukan indon masak, bukan kelantan kedah ke negeri mana masak. heheh


selfie, me and my mom. 


raya 99. siang malam pagi petang selagi ada rumah selagi tu raya.

raya, again

i've seen a lot of post about raya. mostly about raya tak best, raya boring, raya this, raya that. makes me smile when i try to recall about whats raya means to me.

i am just like u, going to the same phase/process of life. i find raya is boring when i was at ur age. and here i am, today, raya is one of the things that i look forward to. besides a short brief of holiday, every raya does mean something to me, as u grow up older another year, leaving it all behind.

when i was just about ur age, raya doesnt seems important to me. apatah lagi puasa. just like any other normal days to me. cuma tak makan bila time puasa, raya tu jumpa family members salam2 pastu dah. tido. ada rezeki dapatlah duit raya. lepas tu nak cepat2 balik uni. raya bosan.

tapi after few years, puasa/raya does have its personal meanings to me. as i grow up, i have very little time to spend with my family. and one by one, my friends are getting married and have their own family. people who i love the most, people who i spend my entire life growing up with, people who i consider the closest after my own siblings, people who were there when i need them the most and vice versa. perhaps u guys had this kind of relationship with ur friends. to me, this bond, will last forever. and as i grow up, i didnt even had any chance to meet em, have drinks together, share stories, catching up and stuffs. i barely had time for all of these. apatah lagi punya masa nak balik ke kampung jenguk mak abah dgn kawan2.

i miss them. i do, really. i wish that i am young again. i wish that i could hangout with my mates again, like the old times. but honestly, right now, with the current busy lifestyle and sorts - i cant. they all have their own lives to live and the only chance that i have to meet them - raya. i believe they felt the same as i did. besides, i get to enjoy raya as an adult. instead of student/kids. so i can learn how to mix and mingle with other adults, perhaps get to know my family members even further.

kinda sad tgk generasi zaman ni. raya ke tak raya ke sama je bagi diorang. smart phones, tablets, internet. totally a different meaning terhadap raya to them. they no longer want to talk to the elders, apatah lagi tegur sesama cousin etc. ngadap fon, suruh buat itu tak tau, ini tak tau, berapa sangat la yg tahu. rumah makcik2 lagi la entah zaman bila last melawat tak tau. see? how can u say raya ni not happy? kalau ada internal family conflict tu aku tak dapat la nak cakap apa, but try to find a way to settle.

my aunt and her son passed away late may, and her death somehow affected whole family. another member gone. i was close to her, but bila dah adult ni aku pun jarang balik, sedih rasa sbb tak dapat jumpa dah. and i hope u people do cherish ur family and try to spend time together when u have the chance to do so.


so semua ni based on my personal experience lah, as a family-bond-oriented kind of person. my raya was awesome, but i take it for granted. and i hope walau tak best mana pun raya anda, please at least try to find the happiness during this festive season?


so, hows your raya last year? care to share?

p/s : please be safe during this festive season as people travel back to their hometown, busy on the road and everything, take care of urself aight? penat rehat, tido. tukar driver, jgn laju2, biar lambat asal selamat. and kalau nak jimat, carpool lah balik kampung :D selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin

another dota ramblings.

i have been playing dota and involved with dota since i was 15 years old. i have been playing under alot of teams (amateur-semi pro) for a very long period of time, from being a core role to support, captain and coach back and forth and now i am playing with a new team (meet joe black) in some sort of amateur-semi pro tournaments and league. currently won a wildcard place in #TJLANPARTY3 and hoping we could get into the lan finals in august

besides that, i am also working as an admin for twt_dota malaysia, and currently doing a few projects with esports malaysia back to back, organized a lot of official and unofficial dota tournaments and leagues, a newbie/newcomer caster in the scene and part time dota-analyst of my own.

dota have evolved into something new that even i, an old timer have problem digesting their new meta-plays and strategy. and new comers these days, those youngster could easily bring u down with their aggressive plays. and dota is going global. look at the internationals. entering its 5th time. and the current prize pool right now is around 15 million. how can u say no to this?

knowing that my time and era is almost over, i always want to do something to help esports (personally dota) to bloom in our country. that is one of the reason why i started twt_dota. and with the establishment of esm (esportsmalaysia), i hope we could achieve this dream.

theres not much i could offer and do besides my time and experience playing/handling dota events n related things. but the reason why i am writing this is because i want to say that i am going to slow down and focus in my career. i know its has been a few times before i announce my retirement. from taking down my own offical account and such, and again with a comeback, and another announcement blablabla, and dont take this wrong, retiring - doesnt mean that i will stop playing dota n stop getting myself involved in any area/aspects of dota. its just i want to slow down and focus on other things. and partly because of my career/day job. my supervisor knows about my involvement with these dota thingy and few more afterwork activities and he gave me few advice. maybe he wants me to reconsider my involvement in dota. which one is more important. more or less likely,  yes i admit, my involvement affects my performance at work. sleeping late night, waking up early, loss of focus. lack of involvement in the office. and few more other things.

twt_dota and tjlanparty is now being passed on to new faces, and meet joe black will be disbanded after tjlanparty3. idk if they are going to stay together and find a replacement for me. but yeah. this is my 1st time joining and playing with new faces and not bad actually. switching my role from mid to offlane gives me new perspective about the game and change the way i approach the game as a whole. i started reading on the discussions (patch updates), watch a lot of vods, replays, study about cm games in depth. just like a football whos managing epl teams does. yes, it is that serious.

and i planned to gradually slowing and minimizing myself in dota after both tjlanparty3 and the international 5. slowly, finding a replacement to take my place and train them so they can continue what have i started long ago. yeap. i think, this is it. this is where i stop.



the best of me

i could forget your name
i could forget your face forever
i could forget about the smile you always faked
the one you thought I bought, but never


i could forget your lies
i could forget to hide for always
i could forget how desperately you tried
flattery would get you nowhere
i could forget how you had tried to get the best of me


i could forget your pride
i could forget your wandering eyes
i could forget about the way you made me feel
you talk to me so condescending
i could forget how you had tried to get the best of me


you'll never forget that you never got me

self reflect

its been a while. and maybe its time to reset the course. and maybe somehow..someday..ah nevermind.

if its not too much to ask. just let me sink in the peaceful times forever.


broke my arm last friday. accident. wont return to its original state

#wordlesswednessday24




situations

its the end of the line. for both you and i. we tried our best. no matter how hard i try, no matter how far i would go for you. it doesnt make the cut for both of us. distance is a major factor, and partly because we didnt know each other like really really really know each other from the very beginning.

i know i had this difficult past that i need to deal with. theres few she and few friends that you shouldnt really take it seriously. they mean no harm, and nobody, nothing to you. this jealousy is like a disease. you cant make me choose between you and those people. i cant go back home everytime you want me there.

i too, sometimes blame myself for having a life like this. i tried. i always wanted to live normally, peacefully just like the rest of us. i tried not to have any more ties with those twitter people. i even abandon some of them. what else do you want from me?

so i think lets stop right here. now. before we both get hurt, again, badly. maybe were never really meant to be together, no matter how hard, how far we tried. were just like 2 last piece of puzzle what wont fit.

sigh..

our desire for attention overshadowed our needs to be loved. back then, were just two individuals who desires for attention, not love. look at us. were connected more than before but it feels so wrong, so far, disconnected. both at heart and mind.

awak, we are no longer young. and we both cant afford any fuckups at this point of life. and thats why i failed to see our future together. i just cant see what is going to happen next. and its no longer fun when we both fight over silly stupid things. we supposed to treat silly jokes as jokes, not a licence to sulk and idk how sometimes it turns into a fight. cant you see?

loving is not about giving attentions, its not always about rainbows and butterflies, flowers and chocs, goodmorning and goodnight, the sun, the moon. its more than that. its something we both failed to digest. we both failed to use.

i know you probably wont read this. nobody would. but this is where i pour my heart and soul, with all my might. this is where a person like me, cries.


i am sorry, for letting you go. and for all of my failures. i tried my best to fulfill all of my promises. and it seems like its not enough. let me be the one who said sorry. i do enjoy our moments together but heaven seems like to have another plan ahead for us.

with love,
K.

life tip 101

life tip 101 :

u dont try to comfort someone, or sugar coat them with words promising this and that. if its out of ur reach

sober

its been a while since the last post. a month ago. i hit rock bottom. everything seems so lost, so out of place. so gone. it doesnt feel the same anymore. right after major all stars. i feel like i am disconnected from people who i believe to be among those people who i keep close. miscommunication, misunderstanding and all sorts.

right now, all of my past wrongdoings everything - is getting back at me. tried to run away. but it doesnt seem like its the best solution

i get mad and angry easily. easily lose my cool and temper. i get tired and gave up easily. i fucked up. i tried to make myself busy all the time and ignore the all of those things but it seems to get to me in various ways a person could ever imagine. trouble was here n there for me. everywhere i go, theres trouble awaits.


my aunt and my cousin passed away last 3 week. it was hard on me. it was super hard on mom. i cant watch her cry, mourning over my aunt's death. day and night. it was hard on everybody. i could not deal with my own problems and sometimes, it just happen. one after another. my other 2 cousin is pretty much alright but not my uncle. he broke his ribs, going multiple surgeries and transferred into few hospital. its now my responsibility to look after them. trying to digest these things, and at the same time trying to figure out and solve my own problems...sigh...

its all coming back to me. one thing is for sure. running away from all of these problem wont help me solve em. i become lazy. a person with full of excuse, sometimes even..i did the worst thing possible..

i dont know where do i begin. i dont know where and when all of these going to stop. i let people down. i let too much people down. i didnt respect myself. and i've lost the respect from the people who i think matters the most to me.


ali texted me last night.no actually 3 days in a row. but i didnt really rply anything because i was out of my mind and under some bad influence. but yesteday was different. i am sober. i sleep the whole day away and waking up to his text. my mind - crystal clear.

he asked what happen to me. also asked for help. to look over him as i passed down the tjlanparty down. i have these flashback of the past. my head hurts. but i know this is the right thing to do. i have been letting people down for so long. importantly, myself.


i know only i, myself can stop all of these misfortune and bad behavior, put and end to it. no matter how far i tried to run or not to accept this from happening, it wont. i have to deal with it. no more running. no more pretending to be fine while ur not.


let today be the day where i learn to pick up myself all over again. and we gonna do this once again

angry days?


"but if u lost someone u love and if ur mask is taken off. does life cut u down to size? does it open up ur eyes. cause they all have found their way. as u struggle thru ur maze. u build those walls of hate, dont tell me its too late"

post major all stars - part 3

basically this is just a go thru with pictures. im too lazy to write anything for now. ya know..kinda lost..and it happens all the time..


 oh my god. finally, i got the chance to meet them all! INVICTUS GAMING KYAAA *GOES FANBOYING*


14K & 430dota himself! ferrari_430!



playbooth is getting ready!


this is how it looks from the BTS pov.


the stadium!



the boys! meet joe blacks


the very 1st physical-compendium ever existed, credits to ali!


some pussy


the tags


item from weta workshop is here. demon edge's and the vanguard!


those people. who work hard, day and night, to make this happen :D