towards the end of 2018

p/s : dis post is written during the last few days of december 2018. not sure why i delayed this post but here it is.

2018 has been rough. entirely. personally for me. learned a lot of things toward the end of 2018. i dont have much to say. i feel. you know, "feel"

i have things/people taken away from me. i tried so hard. to my last might. to keep them around. i feel sad. because i am not in control of things. and i learn the hard way. there are things that beyond our control. to accept. to forgive. to forget. to pickup the pieces of leftover you and move on. not to dwells on regrets, hatred, failures.

i used to think that people around me are disposable. replaceable. took them for granted as long as i could. but i never realised that i am somehow attached/bonded with them. now i know how does it feels to have them around. i know that i am somehow too late (but not that late) and glad that i get to spend the last few months get to know each and everyone of them.

neways, thank you for the opportunities. and all the things we been thru since 2010 up till now. kalau ada rezeki, ada jodoh, jumpa lagi. but this is definitely not the end. i worry too much. they are all okay. tinggal la aku seorang diri kat sini. but thats okay.

to whatever lies ahead!

figures, literally, figures

figured out that i want to start collecting dragon ball figures since a friend of my dah jadi personal shopper selalu ulang alik ke jepun. and lately i pickup a new habit, membaca pinterest, cam syok gak buat bilik ni. banyak juga DIY deco yg aku minat.

since sabtu dgn ahad dah tak kerja, plannya is nak buat something tuk isi masa lapang. i have spent so many year kerja weekend, lepas tu sekali dah tak kerja pening juga dibuatnya. kosong rasa. slow start, for now aku settlekan benda2 remeh

heres my collection of dem figures

final kamehameha vegito

nameck freeza

vegeta & goku

nameck battle showdown.

the plan is nak buat shelf-diy. and susun all of the figures, tapi tu la. nak pindah rumah juga by the end of this year. so hold dulu. sambil tengok mana satu setup yang aku minat. so much idea going on. next in the list, gonna get ssj blue goku & ssj gogeta. maybe boleh include dlm next year punya plan. pegi jepon and get all of these damn figures myself instead order dari orang 😆


for once, today, and so many many years. i think, that i want to stop writing about all of the bad things that been happening around me lately. its depressing. its like writing a journey to my own downfall. for the world to see. and to be laugh at. enough twitter lol.


neway. fuck it.

heres malaysia's 1st dota MAJOR ever. the Kuala Lumpur Major. this time, a major in the center of KL. unlike previous esl one tournaments that took place in Genting Highland. this time it was endorse by the ministry and stuffs, yay pakatan harapan for this. ofc PGL is the organizer and along the way - eGG, kbs, mdec, imbatv blah blah blah.

its cool. since dekat tengah kl so ppl can come and watch. 1st thing i thought, semaklah. cus all kind of people pon boleh datang. but thats fine dont mind me i hate people generally. event is overall, okay. and heres are the thing that im gonna say sepanjang 3 hari kat situ.

*inserts pointless ramblings*

all good. on time. cuma ada satu hari tu delay till 11 something sbb semua game full 3 game. understandable considering competing teams pon tryhard haha. good matches sebenarnya. true fan je would stay till all the matches habis. boleh tengok crowd build from day 1, sampai day 3 full house. kudos to SEA dota fans specially the one yg turun for this KL Major. shows that SEA got that potential to host world class events like what syed saddiq said (he just want the profits/being KJ - populist) again never mind bout my view on him since i hate people equally and generally.  twt_dota did ask him few questions and like always he didnt have any answer for that.

"why do we need the gov support now. sedangkan we are the for so long, no one noticed it" (not in a bad way, just want to clarify things, its good to have governing agencies [who dedicated to help, not to take profit away, we dont need another esm] to help ease up/support/endorsed gamer and gaming industries as a whole).

and he didnt anwser that question, but the egg dude masuk and was like poyo2, esports bla bla bla, jawab from his business view (which is boring, and pointless kalau argue bcos he didnt even realize that without players, theres no scene, when theres no scene, theres no business.)

in my opinion, take care of the gamers, and players in the industries. get to know them. collect them. build a database. give them recognition. and after that, barulah masuk all of those plannings/helps. bukan just kata "we got 10mil yo for esports lets do summore tourneys and git muney")

no not like that. build if from the ground. its already there, just help them, secure things for them. acts/law that protect industry players. since we had bad start towards esports - a lot of failures, AGES, MAS, Red Bull Coloseum, and the latest one, ANSARA ESPORTS.

i dont wanna add salt into open wounds. tbh ANSARA ESPORTS is the good guy. but they had the wrong good guy, doing thing which isnt in his abilities. they had it all, name, resources, but they failed in the end bcos no one actually understand/have the experience in esports generally. just like syed saddiq, they too, are eager. put them selves up so high wanting this and that.

there is a need for kbs to act and start revamping ESM malaysia. kick whoever left inside, pick someone whos from the industries, to help outside people understand and learn a thing or two about esports. working together. one from the gaming side, one from the management side. tak cukup persatuan esports negeri sahaja. esports needed to grow. bukan terus farm the money right away.

i have tons, tons of idea on how to improve esports locally. and then boleh bawa ke peringkat lagi besar. i believe others pun ada juga. twt_dota. KD2M Malaysia, Esukan. so many to list.

ok enuf sampai situ. ha F&B. it sucks that u have to actually jalan jauh beratur inside n outside to get foods. they shud ada station grab n go. so kurang sikit beratur, lessen the traffic. dah la food truck 3 ketul je apa benda orang line up sampai 2 jam. sungguh tidak praktikal. makanan baru. how about signing. tempat signing tak proper. beratur caca-merba. orang tiket mahal kena line up sama-sama dengan orang tiket murah. even media pon kena beratur sama-sama dgn all of these people. during press conference too. my god.

and yes ofc obviously yang paling teruk media. sangat. its like the major is catered towards egg je. unlike esl one, esl one punya media layanan is the best. ada designated players lounge, sebelah dgn media room where media can bila2 masa tanya or buat coverage, sambil tulis artikel or update whatever thing they need to do. they even provide foods, wifis, tv room so we can watch sambil buat kerja and so much more private session with the players and whats not. in kl major, we just duduk area media, buka laptop, and takde apa specific instruction what to do, takde private Q&A sesh, refeshments pun day 2 baru ada tu pon air sahaja. tak demand, but ya know, treat your guest properly?? we media have to beratur, have to berebut seat, time tu la interview time tu la orang keluar dari stadium time tu la sapa2 semua boleh masuk. smh.

but overall, okay. kalau datang tengok. kalau datang cover event, sakit hati. at least apologize. i dowanna sentuh bab lain cus i think semua boleh resolved/elak. ada downtime which shdnt happen but you know, things happen juga in the end.

*rants ends here*

its already 131 right now, i think im done typing stuffs here. so...enjoy. heres some pic of the events w/ captions.

heres your klmajor champ, Virtus Pro.

me and my boys. not in the pic - jerol, kemal, putih & hana

me n my twt_dota crews

me with the old kcr boys.

the stage, atmosphere, the energy. and ofc it was from my super note 8 camera. haha

early monday musing, at 1 am

i have come to the term where i accept whatever is happening around me is bcos its bound to happen. instead of tryna find my way out, im just gonna go with it. work suck. for the time being.

had a pretty good rest this weekend. been laying low, staying in doors. did a lot of thinking on my own. maybe i just need a break from my own routine, which i created just to keep my day occupied. and my mind and action were on autopilot for so long. i think im gonna start breaking my sleeping pattern which is pretty unhealthy considering the nature of my work last time and the buildup started when im in college. ultimately, when u reset your start, you'll need to adjust your new timing accordingly.

anyway, do you guys watch destination wedding? starring keanu reeves and winona ryder. probably the best rom-com movie throughout 2018. its about frank (keanu reeves) and lindsay (winona) who met accidentally during their trip to kevin's wedding somewhere. frank is kevin's half brother, meanwhile lindsay is his ex fiancee. not gonna spoil the movie, just go watch!

and right, heres of my stats now in RPG format:


lvl : 31
health : 1500/1800
energy : 500/1000
class : telecommunication officer rank 4
money : $-2475.92
str : 87
vit : 96
dex : 54
agi : 44
int : 72
luk : 4
cons : 53
spc : 34

moral state : bitter
mental state : taking it well, prone to relapse

P/s : i waste so much time on pinterest lately. send help

send help


i didnt think i'll lived up until today. a lot of things happened.

a lot

each day im struggling. trying to grab whatever thing i can cling on to. pride? gone. ego? gone. probably the greatest obstacle im facing as a grown ass man. 31.

can u imagine? 30 fuckin 1. smokin aces. kicking asses.

anyway i've drafted a few post during my "lost" times. depends on whether it is appropriate to be posted or maybe needed some proofreading. R rated stuffs.

ok. time to sleep. good night. stay safe.