hello. 2022 huh, and its already april. 2nd week of april to be precise. were in jan and now suddenly april.
a lot happened since my last post. i was crumbling apart, yet somehow i displayed resilience. TLDR, i quitted my day job. rested for whole jan and feb (not really) i was busy updating and building my resume. all those 10 years, kena retrace balik to build me again. and yep. im now employed. haha being a merc for some small isp. yep i am still in telecommunication line but with less stress.
i had several offers. but knowing my own strength and weakness with provided 10 years of experience in telco/esports/event thingy has taught me well. do not rush on deciding my next move. was given a chance to head business development for a big esports corp, to help a friend's startup tech farm, offered a salary of a life time. but after going thru lots of slides and doing research on my own i decided not to. i have a lot to learn, and agricultural thingy isnt my forte too. i could learn, but with the responsibilities and also its a good friend of mine punya startup business, i have to decline. and i sign up with isp, pun invitation from a friend. we worked on a few project before in prev company. 2 years contract and i will try to make the most out of em.
oct/nov/dec - i learn a lot about myself during this period of time. and how to process my own feelings instead of ignoring them. i had to face myself just to break down the walls of ego i've built all these years. its okay to get help. its okay to ask for help. its okay for you to take your time and pace to deal with issues. difficult issues. i have to admit, to change the way my thought of process is one hell of a process. i have to constantly tell myself its okay, you dont have to finish now. take a step back. and try again. i would like to elaborate more but maybe in the next post. the whole process of rediscovering yourself.
right now. everything is in its place again. im a bit calmer, less to try to control things, and on my path to transcends myself to be even a better, wiser person. i pickup reading again tho. feels good. im reading alduos huxley's book - the doors of perception, heaven & hell. on my 2nd readthrough bcos its kinda heavy, besides making my own notes. also, ordered a few from book depository. same field of study but this time its from terrance mckenna/tao lin
two years of covid - i dedicated myself to embark on a journey that i dont think people could process or digest. psychedelics. i have tripped more than 150 hours i think and i have so many questions i would like to ask. im hungry for the knowledge so i do my own self study. every journal every figures i could dig my hands into. and i found myself. with the use of psychedelics and self meditation. i have travelled to the madness, to find me. i've listened to hours of podcast in the study field, talk to dr and researches in clubhouse engaging in every possible way i could. and at this point of life, i could say, psychedelics usage changed my life. kinda give me the purpose and the push i need just to keep on going. to push the boundary of human minds and how far can our mind go before we break. awaken, is the correct term. some would say spiritual awakening, some would say enlightenment. its in every field of study, related to almost every religion existed. in islam, its called sufi-ism, or mystic-ism. those sufies. in ancient buddha - the book of dead of tibetian, in hindu i cant recall whats its called. all leads to this state of mind.
i think i will write my experience in details regarding this psychedelics in another post. the whole process. now that i can explain it in a sense people could understand, i think its a call for me to educate people. to enlighten others, to be awaken too. it heals, it soothes. and i felt reborn again as myself, this time around, with knowledge.
alright, till my next post. selamat berpuasa, stay safe.
