muted

its almost 3 weeks since i've lost my voice.
em.so sad.
i cant no longer go to karoke with naim and daus to karoke.

well holidays gonna end soon.
new book gonna start soon and im not ready yet.gyahh!
im kinda worried about my voice.

doc said that the ulser reach my voice source and the blood from the ulser blocks the air way which produce voice.sounds serious but i dont know.i dont give a damn

i've stop taking sleeping pills.i've stop taking diazepam.
no more.no more.im not psychopath,either a madman..
im just in distress..i try to seek help but none returned..

advising people pandai,when kene batang hidung sendiri haha..out of the question..
i didnt believe that im abling myself to use denial as a mechanism of escape from my misery life.
well im just another "blah blah blehs" pun.. no actions..

oh yeah..its been a long time..yup i still cant get over you..its hard.damn fucking hard then confronting Ks.Kuroky.ir or Ks.Vigoss.ru in DoTA or killing a black dragon in Pirate King Online,
forgetting you is almost impossible.

nobody to blame selain diri sendiri.yup im blaming myself.all my fault.

walls of ego and self-esteem of mine has been destroyed.now all that i've got left is only my pride.rebuilding it is almost impossible, if alone.im not that tough..

a friend of mine says : "if i give you a fish now,you'll get to eat now,but if i teach you how to catch a fish,you'll eat it forever"

i get it,but..the question is how? alone? i just cant do it..by myself..

dear helwa,

i miss you.
yours truly,

qayyum.

p/s : i dont give a shit about what you all gonna say bout this.if you guys can help me,then say something.just dont be "BLAH BLAH BLEHS" bark bark bark but no ACTIONS