amore

amore. its an italian word for love.

and i quote : "take me as i am not one of your options if your plan is failing"

its been a while since i become a lonely wolf. i dont even know how to mingle around, and its quite awkward for me just to return txt and calls to any girls i've befriended with. i am not in the comfort zone, either a friendzone. its more to a stranger zone and "keep urself out from the distance" zone.

to this degree, i only had few female friends which can be classed into ex-classmates, officemate & ex-clanmates. which is i take them all as my male buddies. and which i feel not awkward while calling and texting because there is nothing in it. no romance, no intimation talking or discussing about hearts.

which turn me into this kind of a new level of awkwardness. i've been texting this one girl lately and its she who insist of texting. its really, really, really, awkward. i stop texting when i lose helwa few years ago. and ceased function of my phone. and this few days of getting phone calls, txt and wake up calls. look, i am not much of a flirt person or a nice-guy type. but anyway i dont that that urge, or feeling of exciting getting phone calls or txt, i took it as a burden which cause distortion to my daily life basis.

i am just me, like this. and honestly, it feels empty sometimes. and yet i can manage with the empty feeling. i dont know. i just feel like not to text, or call. or even flirting around. dont take me wrong i am not gay. actually i do have a crush, and i am not doing anything yet. not just yet. barely know each other, and maybe yes maybe not, she might been attracted to my personality or my looks, who knows. it cud be a yes/no situation which will end into another "keep urself out from that distance" zone.

i aint feeling anything for now. few buddies will get married in march, and some late in the 2012. and last time at PD gath few ask me, whos ur gf now, when to get married, u got everything already dude why not now ur already freakin 25.

i have no answer for that. i dont know what am i looking for right now and what do i want. who, where and what. but i do have answer which place that i want to settle in. i have plannings to settle down. and doing a great job towards it.

i realize that keeping a long distance relationship and maintaining it for more than 10 years consumes my creativity and my heart. its dull now just to text, the same question everyday, the same thing u will ask and the same answer to the question u will get. trust me. i know. i am one of the most creative person in my uni-days long time ago. i spice up with long distance relationship with a few games of mine and a-long-distance dating thru texting. i've done it all. and i think this is one of the factors why i am losing interest in calling n texting. i lost my youth like this. destroying my ownself and suffer the consequences today. who do i blame? u cant keep ur relationship and lost interest in mere everything. u dont feel that excitement anymore, u dont feel that urge of falling in love again. u lost ur heart and urself. and with this life right now, working days, working environment, this age, is getting really hard to get urself a partner.

and what choices do i have now? i cant score me a student girlfriend. i also cant score me a working class girlfriend. im stuck here. but i do believe there is a girl who suffers the same problem as i am. its only just a matter of where and who. yeah right. the chances of this occurring is relatively small. its like 7 case in every 67k population in a place.RARE.

look, single ladies out there. (cewah kemain syealllll) to flirt around with me its okay, i cudda read ur intention. but the question is, do u want to take it into the next level?

a friendzone? a crush? keep out of the distance zone? or marry me zone?