something to write/share

its 119 am. and im listening to rob steward's sailing after watching hitch. its like kinda happy but mellow mood. i know i shudda been sleeping by this time, but i think there is a need for me to write, as writing is one of my passion besides dota and bikes.

honestly i've been thinking this lately. what are the odds of me learning and re-do my mistakes when given a chance to do so. i mean, not that silly mistake that i did. not that those silly things. no no trolling flaming n stuffs, not that kind. the one that i've been doing over and over and over again. hurting people u love the most. hurting people who arent supposed to be hurt. hurting that only friend that u have.

have u give a thought about that? well in my case, its a bit personal. or shud i say about the one i love. prior or shud i say earlier from this timeline. long way before i am now.

wait. i need to switch off the lights. before i continuing writing. and i am going to change my music to faith hill, breathe. please. do u tube this while ur reading my pointless rants.

its been 5 years. yeah 5 years since i was like, really2 in love. wait. i shudnt rant about this here, i've shudda rant bout this in vldvydtyd instead. but nevermind. im not going to disclose anything there but to share, what i wanna do and my expectations towards my actions.

i havent been there. so i dont know how. why. how. the feeling. and by the word "there", the best phase to summarize is - is to live the life with ur other half during the universities day, i dont know even she is ur classmate, or coursemate, or not evenboth but studying in the same place or same city as u, and to be able to eat, spend time, to share, to meet without any obstacle, and both of u are on ur own free will, i was never there. i never feel that. all i feel is what i believe texting from the phone. and to this point, i believe, i've lost my youth. im losing my precious youth experience by feeling this distance relationship. and after that, i've tried to have some. eliza, nelly, few more girls. but i've failed. that names that i've mention isnt 1st hand.

what's in common of them is they had this moment where i didnt even had the chance to feel. so i tried my distance game. that time i didnt own any transportation. or even my own money to proceed, so i end up friend-zoning them. which last until today.

ok im done on the 1st part. its 1.47 am. and im listening to nightwish's runaway. and for now. i am not looking for any. i enjoy being a friend, and from that friend i would like to turn it seriously. slowly. and im not looking for a texting type because im working. im a very busy and hectic person. i wont make a text in time. or even enjoying it. i want to pick her up in front of her house. i want to go to some art gallery or festival with her. or to enjoy sculpture and poems. the one who digs books rather than make ups. i want to dine in an exclusive restaurant, one which i spot in kl, a rooftop candle light dinner infront of KWSP building in KL.

i want to cook for her, and we'll all hang out in my house, watching EPL and playing cards, i mean not us, there is a lot of people. movies? we'll do it in my place. DVD's would do. park? in malaysia park is not that nice, further more there will be JAKIM all around, and of course, the blog jilaka betul which someday, somehow will get ur pictures in it. hahaha.

and lastly, is to be able to take her in my bike, to put the helmet on her, and ride to watch sunset at the beach. im tired of distance relationship, im looking for one which i can participate and enjoy. role-playing. actions. words. elements of spontaneous, the elements of improvising.

and i just dont hope or i'll wont find it. it will come to us eventually. sure this thing is really important, but doesnt other thing is just imporatant? and its no the only thing that matters.

i think im being like this because i watched too many films? perhaps? and yeah. i would love to watch movie again with u. just like that last saturday.

leulz what am i saying. LOL.
well, 207 am. goodnight.
happy productive monday for all.