looking.

for these few months i am looking for something, something that cant be obtain over self control and focus alone. peace. inside out. ease at mind, ease at heart

u dont earn peace within oneself by go home early after finished working, u dont earn peace when u say sorry to someone. u dont earn peace by just listening to some soothing songs. no u dont.

i believe that peace lies in one's mind when he can balance himself between rage and serenity inside his head. and become one with his surrounding.

unlucky me. i havent get to that point. all that left in me was regrets and rage. letting go was never easy. forgiving was never honest. i'd say it because i had to say it. not because of i meant it. i say things people want to hear instead of saying things i wanna say.

for once, i tried to connect those dots in this life, and of course i encountered a few missing dots. sometimes it doesnt make any sense at all. but i keep looking. and keep looking around. until i find one.

seek god is one of the answer, but how do u seek answer that lies between himself? nobody can answer it, unless he answer the question himself.

dont worry. i am okay.