tawar hati

shudnt gone working today. i am still upset, a bit angry, disappointed, and so much more. someday i will get used to this. i choose this path. so i shud be ready for things like this to happen very often.

nope. u probably wont understand. after all those things i've done, for you, to you, i wont be in any of ur important list.

and since last night, hati ni makin lama makin tawar. after all of the effort, all of the time i've spent. sigh...

i think its best for me to take a break from u. take a break form us.

happy fathers day, abah

happy fathers day abah. cant do much for u right now, but im trying. i wish u cud sit down and talk like normal father and son. we'll have that time, we will.

conflict, conflict, conflict!

such bad week. struggling working day and night. i feel like locked inside the world that i dont know how i ended up here.

i dont know how people keep up with others lives. i mean, being a busy body, rat, sellout. whatever. there somebody rat me out back in the office. all of my hard works during the weekend is denied from any claims. i wasted 6 weekends for nothing. i missed jeremy wade, i miss a lot of wedding, i miss the sleep that i have been lacking like, forever. i didnt get the chance to go home, visit my friends, this, that, cing, congs.

i am pissed. but thats ok. duit boleh cari. eventho its like almost 2k, but sokay. anggap takada rezeki. and things are not organized at home. i mean, my home, johor. mom keep calling me every one hour asking for this and that, i am working, under alot of stress and pure pressure, i barely keep up. i dont blame her for calling, but for now, its too much, there is no order back home, nobody is there to keep her entertained, she already retired from her day job at the kindergarden. but i understand, sis is working, lil bro pergi kelas, but cant u guys at least talk to mom, bawa dia pegi pasar, bawa dia pergi sini sana. kalau boleh pindah, lama dah aku pindah balik kg, teman mak..please be considerate, limit2 la main futsal ke melepak ke apa..

and then, about my house here, pathetic, kotor gila rumah, unorganized, rasa dah berapa lama tak bersapu semua. billing mmg lari dah, ada yg tertunggak ada yg unattended, and overall, pretty much fucked up. but dah settle, and right now, masalah tak berkemas je. bila ajak kemas, kerja je semua, bila tak keje, stay up lewat malam esoknya ajak kemas, kelaut. so..malas dah. takde mud kat rumah.

and then...my place to escape from reality, twitter. its too much hatred in it these days. theres a few people causing a lot of trouble, cyber-bullying bla bla bla. until rasa cam duh..the fuck. enuf already what i have been thru irl. these people takde life ke. apa benda sial kau duk cari duk sebar aib orang like, every 30 sec, every tweet. starting to get really sick of twitter and its people. dah tak mcm dulu. there is no more fun in it. and i wonder why nobody take action or do anything about it. our people is sick, our people, need help. so i decided to get away from twitter for a while. dont feel like i belong there nemore, contributing to people. or whatever.

and tak habis lagi, here comes the facebook conflict. there is this one guy, ntah hapa2, sudah la macai, rat dalam geng sendiri, nak berdrama. dah tak masal aku pun drag over, masuk pula page group ini group itu, penyudah dia aku block semua, quit group unfriend sini sana. im done. the fuck, semua benda semua tempat penuh negativity. tepu dah kepala otak. dah tak boleh. and i have been smoking some pot almost every single night. it does help me calm down and sleep at night. sudahla dgn el ninonya dgn cuaca panas, dehydrated gila babi.

and right now, honestly, i feel quite lost. idk what i shud do with my life. it feels so empty, hollow.
i wish i cud talk to somebody, but not her, not my mom, not my bros nobody right now. no. i dont wish for that. i wish for each and everyone of u understand. or at least, give me some space. for myself. ask me, whats wrong, ask me, are u ok, whats ur prob, how are u doing.

and just now, i was playing some dota, with lousy teammate since last night (dah tau teammate beban gatal gak nak main sbb nak jadi hati) end up aku yg panas. 8 losing streak due to my teammate is playing somebull shit dota, server prob satu lag, ping tinggi, and at the same time orang ni call orang tu text.

I CAN NOT ATTEND EACH AND EVERYONE OF U WHILE IM TRYING TO GET SOME ME TIME DURING MY ONLY OFF DAY DURING 2ND AND 3RD OF WEEKEND. PLEASE LET ME BE OR DO WHATEVER I LIKE. I KNOW WHATS IMPORTANT OR WHO TO ATTEND IF ITS REALLY2 URGENT OR GOT PEOPLE DYING.

and i fucking uninstalled that god damn good for nothing dota. out of rage.

and im done writing shit overhere.
fuck off, goodnight.

my two cents

last 2 week i read this article regarding a blind man kena chase out from mall sbb dia bawa guide dog.

here's the link. and i think, personally, in my opinion, yes. tak salah pun chase dia out. tapi gaya cerita kena chase out tu mcm kena heret n sepak terajang keluar mall.

tak payah explain kan kenapa tak boleh bawa binatang masuk mall? orang meniaga semua, ada orang boleh tolerate halal haram, ada orang tak boleh, jgn lupa kita berbilang bangsa, banyak agama. patut boleh faham. mostly semua tempat tak boleh bawak pets.

orang buta ni pun mengada. yes mengada, bukan aku menidakkan hak dia tuk pegi mall. but cmon. tak boleh fikir ke? u dog, in a mall, yg mana orang melayu islam jalan2, takde sensitiviti ke? tak boleh fikir? anjing bertuan kat taman perumahan pun dah cukup menyusahkan bila tuan dia lepas. berak depan rumah kencing tepi tiang tepi taman pokok jiran2 apatah lagi menyalak malam2. mmg tak salah membela, tak kesah pun dia nak buat tu semua sbb dia mmg diciptakan binatang, tak berakal.

manusia ni, berakal. patut boleh provide shelter tuk binatang tu, boleh sediakan tempat berak dia, pasir dia, or bila nak bawa anjing tu jalan2 bawa la plastik tuk kutip taik dia kalau berak merata2. imagine dalam mall? tak kira la atas sebab buta ke guide dog ke, cmon, gunalah alasan sebatang kara pun, still tak valid tuk kau bawa anjing dalam mall.

and again. hal yg sama. teksi. again. teksi tu berapa ramai naik, apa bangsa apa ugama naik. maybe ada sesetengah yg tak kesah kau bawa binatang, but again, sensitiviti, bukan aku nak kata tak boleh nak bela anjing bawa anjing etc, but benda2 gini mmg tak sesuai. kalau nak juga, maybe kena buat study sikit.

maybe kena provide teksi khas tuk orang bawa anjing/pets alike. tak la timbul isu ye dak? but kat malaysia ni, tak sesuai lagi, for now.

thats for now, my 2 cents.

dead.

dear feelings, dear excitement, dear spirit of adventure inside of me. where have u been gone?

i have been looking for u. because i cant feel a thing inside this weak, half broken and god-knows-what-can-fix-it heart.

i cant see no ending, or future. or even a tiny glimpse of what will i do or what will i say next.