penaaaaat

today suck. not because i have to work on weekends, or not being able to enjoy my weekend but i think i've reached my limit. i sleep around 4 am yesterday only to wake up 3 hours later to go to work. usually adalah rasa ngantuk penat apa semua tu, normal la. tapi harini boleh rasa dia punya penat. kepala berat. badan takmau dengar arahan. tapi paksakan jugak bangun mandi pastu ride pegi keje. dah la spec patah haritu sobs. pastu sekarang naik motor mcm orang buta sebab silau nak mampus. sampai2 je event, tak boleh nak fokus orang cakap apa. mcm bingit sangat lepas tu dah tak daya dah nak layan, aku ha ye kan je semua benda. dalam sejam lepas tu baru la dapat duduk pastu makan semua. terasa dia punya penat (tua) sampai to the bones.

sejak buat dua kerja ni, lepas balik keje je tido, which is totally not ok dgn tak sihat. tidolah dari 630 tu kadang lajak sampai kul 9. ikutkan nak nap je, tapi dah baring apa benda semua. hari-hari mcm ni for the past 3 weeks. i tried not to sleep or rest, ternyata lebih buruk padahnya. pukul 9 ke pukul 10 dah rasa mcm nak mampus?? lepas tu cam taknak la tido awal sangat nanti celik awal pun masalah kan. so drag la sampai pukul 1 camtu. dah penat sangat, tak boleh tido. so i toss and turn lah on the bed until 3 or 4 camtu.

disiplin makan pun tak jaga. makan tak makan. tak ikut time. berterabur kehidupan aku. pastu stress build up lagi. bahu sangat stiffs. indigestion. otot sakit sbb tense sangat. popped one atarax just to relieve my stiff shoulders and esoknya regret sbb mood swing and tak habis2 rasa sloppy dia.

i havent had any break (proper ones) where i sleep and have a quality me time. dapatlah sehari off hari rabu tu but haritulah nak pegi bayar bill, haritu lah jugak nak pegi jumpa orang, haritu jugak nak ini itu lepas tu membawa sampai ke malam ada meeting untuk event twt_dota pula. thank god everything is pretty much settled - venue, activities blah blah blah, tinggal nak up poster dengan siapkan printing baju tuk di jual that day. i have lost count dah berapa kali kata nak retire from all of these thingy and still, here i am..doing stuffs.

and i feel people around me is kinda dragging me down. and if i could lose all of these excessive baggage coming out from these people, i would feel a lot and so much better. i can do better. i can be better.