4.59

i was thinking. alot. deeply. and trying to find a reason and the balance between the all in all. yeah. 2010 is coming. next week is starting soon. right after the next week, im going to have a new life. yeah. and there is a lot of things im gonna abandon. for example, gaming. having fun. i got a position now. things to manage. and i gotta unlearn all the unnessary things. a clean slate. thats what im looking for. gotta get serious yum. u gotta get serious. u work for this. u earn this. u definitely deserve this man. dont blew it this time. yeah no i wont blew this. no more childish acts, no more involved in deep shit hell hole with girls who dont deserve me. yeah screw you helwa ben abad. u screw my life like hell and i dont know why the fuck ur images keeps coming back in my dreams. ur giving me a hell of nightmare all these weeks. stop giving me nightmares man. i forgive u already. i forget you already. u are not suppose to resurface back in my eyes. u said u hate me. so bon-vogaye deep shit.jog on and fuck off.

so good bye to you. a very early good bye to 2009 and a welcome 2010.2009 was a hellish form of time for me. i dont know how the hell did i fucking survive in 2009. starting from a deep shit in early febuary, and till late august. leaving all the past behind. wont look back. never back down. a new man is born. today. tonite. in this room. julia and sylvia are my duchess of witness. i vowed tonite. yeah. im sorry E.Q. i dont know where am i and what i am doing while u are in need of me. i was such a jerk. i admit that. im chasing my dreams. i couldnt chase yours. i dont have much time like you do. but, please ask yourself this question, where were you when i need u the most? where were you.

goodnite malaysia.

ja~ne.