another break up.

since 5th may till now 10 june.i've been in more then 18 breakups.well here's the story goes.

i had a girlfriend which i didnt like at first because of the accidentally mistake i did during my exam week last march.since i've say ok,so i didnt backout.i tried so hard to live with that mistake.

long story short.yeah.i fall jugak dgn dia.but in mid may.she's fallen sick.detected with stage 2 colon cancer, my world turns black.i can understand her pain..everything..i just can understand..but not feeling it..now shes kinda stable and staying at home.but with some gruesome painfull medication..

and things happens..and lately she tell me to go away..because of her condition..another quarrel,end up with im losing and she keeps telling me to go away..the next day,she acts like nothing happens..and this keeps going till yesterday.

today i didnt rply any of her msges.not because i dont want to.im just..i dont know what to say..

yes i know ur sick..but..urgh if i cud only explain my feeling..

dammnit.im loving u right now but u tell me to go away after all effort i gave in just to let my heart open? i deserve better..u only think about urself.and how bout mine? it always been u since the 1st date,the 1st text, the 1st food.hey.what am i? A DOLL?

do u know i went to the barbershop and cut my hair down.and i go scream in the middle of jalan zabedah screaming my lungs out like SHIIIT because i am so fuckin stress with every-single-fucking-things that happens lately.

life's so hard man..i never.ever.everrrr scolded u in any way.the same with having/starting a quarrel with u in any way.i keep on my temper inside.i know ur sick.YES I AM AWARE.duh..sakiiiiit sangat dalam hati.ntah pada sapa or pada apa aku nak lepaskan..

i hope ur reading this..i hope somebody read this.and help me..recover myself..im lost..