looking.

for these few months i am looking for something, something that cant be obtain over self control and focus alone. peace. inside out. ease at mind, ease at heart

u dont earn peace within oneself by go home early after finished working, u dont earn peace when u say sorry to someone. u dont earn peace by just listening to some soothing songs. no u dont.

i believe that peace lies in one's mind when he can balance himself between rage and serenity inside his head. and become one with his surrounding.

unlucky me. i havent get to that point. all that left in me was regrets and rage. letting go was never easy. forgiving was never honest. i'd say it because i had to say it. not because of i meant it. i say things people want to hear instead of saying things i wanna say.

for once, i tried to connect those dots in this life, and of course i encountered a few missing dots. sometimes it doesnt make any sense at all. but i keep looking. and keep looking around. until i find one.

seek god is one of the answer, but how do u seek answer that lies between himself? nobody can answer it, unless he answer the question himself.

dont worry. i am okay.

macam ni ke pengertian fisabilillah awak?

*facepalm*

sebut pasal filem "innocence of muslim", fuhhh terus sekor2 melenting. ni semalam kes baru, acc facebook mamat india kena hack, ramai pendekar jalan tuhan pegi pukul n serang dia kat rumah dia malam tadi. fuhhh ganahhh bohh ganahhhh

Akaun Peribadi di Republik Facebook

"bunuh rogol bakar je kapir lahanat tu" - Ali RockaRocka. 24 tahun, Republik Facebook
"burn his house, beat his mother" - Jibum Abang Gersang. 19 tahun, Republik Facebook
"bodoh, takde otak, harap esok bala turun atas dia dengan family dia, kapir lahanat bodoh sembah berhala" - Aisyah Mawar *avatar ana muslim* umur rahsia, Republik Facebook.

Page-Page Membenci Sana Sini

"Berapa like untuk tgk keling babi ni kena pukul, kalau setuju like, kalau suka, komen"
"Tolong like dan komen, gambar keling babi ni admin dah upload, padan muka dia"

babi hape korang ni sekor2. eh halo, aku nak tanya sikit, kalau bandingkan nabi dengan kita, takyah nabi la, mmg tak terlawan, bandingkan berapa lama umat islam zaman dulu berlawan dengan orang kapir ni berbanding dengan kita? rumah nabi sendiri kena lempar tahi, ada dia pegi tikam orang lempar tahi tu? ada nabi pegi perang suka-suka sebab dengar orang kapir sana hina islam?

satu lagi, ada ke dalam mana2 kitab suruh kita pegi sembelih orang kapir bila dia hina agama dgn junjungan kita? ada? kalau murtad ada ah, ah tak payah murtad, nampak budak melayu minum arak kat asia cafe ss15 tu takde pulak kau nak lempar dia batu. yg tak pegi semayang jumaat takde pulak kau nak terajang rusuk dia suruh pegi semayang, ini orang kapir yang tak tau pape takde idea pape pasal agama kita kau nak pegi rodok dia anak beranak?

apa beza lu dengan binatang? apa beza lu dengan orang gasar? ada orang kata dengan aku, aku ni sekolah ugama ke tidak, tu kan fisabilillah, fisabilillah kepala kakek engkau. ada dia ancam nyawa kau? ada dia ancam anak bini kau? tu fisabilillah mana punya konsep? ayah pin? bangang, undang2 suka2 kau je, fatwa suka2 engkau je.

orang kapir ni kita perang dia dengan "dakwah" bro. bukan dengan sepak terajang, bukan dengan maki hamun. tgk filem innocence of muslim punya effect, orang kat kedutaan AS kat mesir mati. ada mamat tu join buat filem? atas nama dia AS dgn dia half-jew kau dah boleh amik nyawa dia? mana wahyu kau turun tuk buat benda2 mcm tu?

harap pakai avatar ana muslim, berkopiah, tadah tangan doa bagai kat facebook, bodoh nya bertalu2, bodoh bertingkat. usik sikit mengelabah tetek. bangang. malu la wei malu la bersaudarakan sesama islam mcm korang.

gua nak ajar lu satu konsep, konsep kat mana cikgu sekolah ugama aku ajar, cikgu nizam. mudah katanya kalau kita nak belajar jenayat ni *jenayah* kalau ikut syllabus sekolah agama johor. aku tanya, kenapa eh cikgu kita nak kena potong tangan orang mencuri ni, tak ke kejam?

jawab cikgu nizam :

awak tahu najis? cara-cara bersihkan najis? kenapa ada kategori najis? dan kategori benda2 untuk menyucikan najis? cuba kalau awak cuci najis, dengan benda najis, jadi suci ke tak najis tu? macam tu la juga perintah allah. untuk menyucikan. potong tangan tu bukan potong terus mcm tu, ada syarat2 dia. hukum allah ni sempurna. adil dan saksama.

kalau orang yang takde idea pasal agama kita, lepas tu hina, kau terus pegi tikam, selesai ke masalah tu? penah fikir tak? suci sangat ke kau g tikam dia? ke kau menambahkan beban yang umat islam sedia tanggung? idea yang islam ni agama keganasan? pantang usik terus parang atas belakang?

sampai umur 25 ni, aku pegang kata2 cikgu nizam.

p/s : udah2 la habiskan masa kat fesbuk. takde pekdah

yummeh movie rants - RE : retribution

so i manage to get myself to the cinema last weekend with naim. gay boy nights out. and here goes my rants.

the movie is okay actually, and i try to put myself as the audience yg tak pernah main any resident evil series or have any idea about resident evil, its quite ok. based on the game pun mmg RPG-shooting, so action-packed gila babi mmg wajar di expect.

but bila aku letak diri ni as fan, as a gamer yang mmg betul2 follow resident evil ni, aku quite kecewa sebenarnya dengan jalan cerita. aku respect Paul W.S Anderson sebab movie dia semua best2. mcm Quentin Tarantino, J.J Abrahams, Spielberg, Michael Bay, etc2. sepatutnya dah masuk 5th installment movie ni, tak sepatutnya barry, jill dengan leon keluar mcm tu je, they shud have their own story line. kalau orang tak tau : "oh itu leon, hero baru movie no 5 ni, dulu hero carlos, tapi dah mati" sepatutnya relationship leon-clair, clair - chris, jill - barry, wesker dgn past S.T.A.R.S unit kena ada their own story line.

and berkenaan las plagas, mana lord osmund saddler? dari mana umbrella dapat las plagas? mana pegi unit B.S.A.A yg chris join lepas habis kat raccoon city? mana watak ashley graham? mana pegi shevas alova? jack krauser mortal enemy leon pun patut tunjuk. movie ni 3 jam pun takpe. sebab, best. walaupun kurang element2 yg mcm aku nak, ia tetap best.

i hope if any sequal ada lepas ni, and aku yakin 100% pasal ouroboros lak, harapnya jalan cerita tu expend, cerita pun dah heavy dengan tembak2, kalau ada twist drama sikit lagi best, boleh tau indepth apa benda sebenarnya RE ni. this is good for the audience tau, gamers, producers, game developer, dia orang boleh develop or re-develop past games. aku yakin tak ramai tau pasal watak hunk, dr birkin, shelly birkin, mikhael, ucbs, etc2.

so malam ni rants aku pasal movie. and of course, game.

severe headache n flu tonight,
btw, ini 1st time aku cuba scheduled posting since aku banyak idea, tapi aku takde masa nak type, so type dulu n dia akan post bila aku push button kat tab.

aite. ja~ne.

Many Of Horror

You say "I love you boy"
But I know you lie.
I trust you all the same
And I don't know why.

'Cause when my back is turned,
My bruises shine.
Our broken fairytale,
So hard to hide.

I still believe,
It's you and me
till the end of time.

When we collide we come together,
If we don't, we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise i know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.

Sitting in a wishing hole,
Hoping it stays right.
Feet cast in solid stone,
I got Gilligan's eyes.

I still believe,
It's you and me
till the end of time.

When we collide we come together,
If we don't, we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise i know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.

'Cause you said hello,
It's where the going get's hard,
Our future is far,
Many of horror
Our future's far,
Many of horror
Our future is far,
Many of horror

I still believe,
It's you and me
till the end of time.

When we collide we come together,
If we don't we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise i know you're worth it.
When you hit me, hit me hard.

sacrifice

The soldier slides his sword into its sheath

Having completed the missions given to him

Grateful to be one of the few men to leave

After hanging his life on war's proverbial limb

...

He has done his duty...he has given his all

Then to country, home and hearth he returns

But he can not read the writing on the wall

That the heat of battle eternally burns

...

He can put his trust in no one

For the enemy still eats at his soul

Caught in a hell with nowhere to run

Believing nothing will make him whole

This sacrificed soldier will always bleed

Whipped and tortured by the thorns of war

Rejected and scorned by those he freed

Stoned for his deeds on a foreign shore

...

The blood on his hands refuses to dry

A constant reminder of where he has been

His will to survive fights with his wish to die

In this carnal world of throw-away men

...

He has seen too much....killed too many

Propelling his god just beyond his reach

Searching for life's true meaning, if any

Soul swaying, fore'er standing in the breach

...

Time proves only the war still remains

Its hands stirring the grains of orange dust

An endless tune resounding in horrific strains

Its death knell extolling the demise of the just

...

A prisoner of war is this sacrificed man

Dwelling in a camp of suffering and pain

His soul at the mercy of the great I Am

Caught in a world where nightmares reign

...

Will he ever find peace here on this earth

Before death's fingers encircle his throat

Or will peace remain just beyond his girth

Abandoning him eternally to a land remote

...

Will no one heed the gutteral cries

Of this bleeding soldier swaying in the wind

Seeing his own soul burning in demonic eyes

Fighting eternal battles which refuse to end

...

No greater love has any man

Than to offer his life for a friend

Some do not fully understand

The sacrifice made in the end

u dont have to worry

maybe this is a cowardly way to tell a few people not to worry about me. i am living my life happily. i do have more friends than u all do. i dont hate few people like u all do. i do things u all didnt do. i am free from almost everything. i do what i want. i am very healthy/active not like what u all had in mind. i dont have any trust issue. i do enjoy living on my own. i rarely get sick, i rarely get boring because i had a lot of things to do. eventho im done playing video games, there is still a lot of things to do. u cant judge me like that, maybe u know me well for the 1st 15-20 years in this life but u have to remember things changed beyond that number. i do love my job. i do love my friends. i love the way i live this life for this time being. i had no rage inside of me no more. i dont have enemies that i need to take out.

miserable arent u?

i did a lot these few years. yup. a lot.

and i am happy.

Brother

A brother from another mother,
An equal brother.

Yet..

Why do we have to fight each other,
When we can have it all together,
Help me understand you,

Brother.

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the two lost souls.

two lost soul waiting to be found.

roaming the world as they feel alone and shy.

situations comes and go as they are bounded together.

......

there is no more anger, there is no more torment and hurt.

reaching out and leaving past.

.....

into our deep. 

dear silent.

let us stay.

fat.

in almost every circle of people, there is always one or two people who is extra large in size, which their function is to listen to people from the same circle with their problems.

"do u think am i that fat?"

"i need to lose some weight"

"the world is against me, dont u think?"

but those people did not really realize, or even care, about that "one fella".

p/s : bersyukurlah.

meant

have u lost something lately?

let it go.

because u cant always get what u want.

if its meant to u, it will.

redha.

-yum

it ends here.

last sunday the internationals 2 for dota 2 ended. i've watched 80% of the match. speechless. those guys is at their best. LGD unstoppable winning streak, the comeback of Na'Vi and EHome. IG dominating.

IG won that tournament. 1 million dollars. its crazy. kita yang hidup mcm org biasa ni nak dapat sejuta pon entah bila. this supports the statement that "cyber athlete as a career is logic" and who knows there is cyber athlete university is going to be open soon.

lets meet the winners.

Invictus Gaming - from left Ferari.430, Faith, Zhou, YYF and Chuan

2nd place goes to Navi - 250,000 

3rd place goes to LGD - 150,000

4th place goes DK - 80,000

5th goes to Zenith - 35,000

6th goes to EHOME - 35,000

7th goes to Tongfu - 25,000

8th goes to Orange - 25,000

talking about dota, last week KCR place 3rd in ACG Qualifying in Cyberjaya, loses to team SR and behind SpaceMonkeys. it was devastating, we expect we could get a better place but there is no luck for us to get there.

and tmr they are going to participate in WCG Qualifying round in KLCC, the match is predicted going to start at 2pm and ends on sunday. strong opponents like SpaceMonkeys, Orange and MUFC also participates and please do supports us and like out FB page.

all the best for KCR'ace. and maybe this is it for some of the KCR. maybe.

it ends here.

maybe.

dancing away with my heart

i dont usually tell "i love you" occasionally just to engage conversation, when im speechless or even out of nothing, but when i do, i did say that because i want to remind and tell u that ur the best thing ever happen to me

-yum

2 weeks

dah 2 minggu. sejak takde facebook, twitter, hidup aku boleh di katakan bermakna. sekarang dah mula pickup tv series untuk di tonton, dah habis baca 2-3 buku. waktu tidor pon dah repair. now nak kurangkan berborak di group whatsapps.

i dont think that i will comeback to social networking life. 

and ada few things tak di buat lagi. 

inner peace. setting this life to the right path. and i like you.

hahaha tetiba i like you.
random.