nothing-ness

i feel ignored. i feel abandoned. i feel lonely. i wonder why these kind of feelings surrounds me. im easily bored. not like what it used to be few months back. i know i shud write this in my another private blog but it cant be help.

i wonder why. where does it goes. the excitement. the mysteries. the momentum. the feeling. love itself. we used to do name calling or at least endearment to each other but not now. all we both are getting is "ok". "buat apa" and stuffs.

things like "hows ur day", "what do u learn today", "what did u do today" is no longer there. i barely feel the presence of anything like that anymore. i dont know who to blame. issit me? issit u? issit me who needed the attention the most. or its no longer there. i dont know. im completely lost.

sometimes i do feel insecure. watching u talking with bunch of smart ass guy. getting into my nerve. i guess its only natural that i got pissed because watching those guys acting smart n talking to u. or its either me who was the source of the problem since the beginning. that dude mean no harm. but i take that seriously. IDK. IDK.

maybe all i do all these time is submitting. and submitting and submitting until there was nothing more of me to offer. i have no more value. i spend all of my value until there is none left on me to keep u attracted to me anymore.

it is only 7 months and its already this dull. and im finding a way to make this interesting and addicted just like it used to be.

i think i am going to take down my social networking accounts as soon as possible. and live it with for the rest of my life.