back to december 2016

hi. tahun ni eurotrip lagi dan this time, italy during winter. tak lama, dalam 8 hari. seronok dan ofc, penat nak mampus rasa mcm nak doa pada tuhan minta dia kurniakan sepasang kaki baru XD. sepanjang 8 haritu, pegi venice, verona, milan, rome, lugano (switz). best dan sejuk nak mampus. pegi dgn family semua kecuali aboh, aboh takleh cuti. jadi pegilah 5 beranak.

gambar dan diskripsi adalah bukan dalam chronological order. entah kenapa aku cuba susun dari tadi tapi entah tak boleh-boleh, jadinya give up.

pretzels dekat lake lugano, switz, sedap gila nak mampus dan murah juga senanya. around 2-4 euro/2-3 swiss franc. kat sini dok bedal roti dgn buah jela, nak cari makanan halal kena pegi town yg besar sikit. barulah ada kedai arab/pakistan/lebanese yg jual kebab biryani n stuffs.

me and ma mom at the famous lugano lake. lawa sungguh view kat sini

selfie dgn my mom di hadapan the grand milan cathedral. besar dan megah bangunan dia. whole bulding dibuat dari marmar dan penuh ukiran-ukiran santo kristian menghiasi  gereja ini. yg ni tak sempat nak masuk dalam tengok dan amik gambar, sebab singgah sekejap je. dalam 2-3 jam dan semua orang nak pegi shopping ~_~

the world famous balcony romeo and juliet dekat verona. sini la tempat kat mana epik shakespear romeo and juliet happens. dan dia ada juga orang letakkan mangga sebagai tanda simbol percintaan mereka seagung kisah romeo dan juliet. boleh naik juga kat 2nd floor boleh tengok panorama tapi nak kena beli something dulu dekat kedai bawah yg jual souvenir, pandai orang italy ni meniaga, mau naik? u kasi beli dulu la bos!

original italian gelato. ya tuhan sedapnya, harga 6 euro per 3 scoop dan boleh campur2. personal fav - kinder bueno, strawberry cheese cake dan nutella something-something. pueh hati, beso lak tu. boleh makan 2 orang share sebab saiz dia sangat lah besar.

patah tangan time dekat pisa, tergelincir, satu keje pegi hospital dekat area rome. 

lepak di vatican city dgn my mom, padahal semalam baru patah tangan

so here we are inside the st peter basilica, vatican city

ukiran dalam st peter basilica. again the whole basilica is made out of marble. takes a few centuries to finish this building. dalam ni penuh dgn arca-arca santo, dan juga ada mayat seorang pope yang di awet. 

gereja utama di dalam st peter basilica, im not sure which statue is which, tapi statue mcm bentuk mimbar ni melambangkan, god, holy mary dgn jesus, dan few angels di atasnya.

pegi lepak colosseum pula di rome. honestly, aku tak berapa minat rome. sebab kat sini ghetto gila babi. its like lepak pprt, ramai gila immigrant pakistan, bangla, negro afrika mana entah. sama je mcm pprt sini penuh bangla, negro indon apa benda semua. dgn bau jalan dia sama mcm kat thailand. building spray sana spray sini penuh grafitti. rome is definitely bukan one of the list kalau nak datang melawat lagi. nothing much here kecuali colosseum dgn vatican city. lepas tu punyalah ramai orang. pening-pening. nak jalan malam2 pun rasa tak selamat, berlonggok immigrant ni duduk kat luar lepas tu perhati tourist jalan kat belakang mcm nak merompak. 

lepak dgn menara pisa. yeap, mmg condong. ni gambar mmg tegak dan simmetri. camtu la condong dia kalau nak tahu.

lepak dengan mak dekat duomo di firenze, ataupun florence. kat sini, cam pelik sikit. milan jadi milano, rome jadi roma, venice jadi venezia dan sebagainya. personally, aku suka florence. sebab cantik satu, tempat dia cam rilex-rilex je tenang. dan tak la ramai sangat orang berbanding milan/venice/rome. tiada spray2 graffiti di dinding, takde jalan raya berbau dan perkara-perkara yg saya benci.

sempat selfie dng makwe kiut yg ada kedai knitting di florence. haha

ni kedai bikers di barberino premium outlet. basically sama je mcm jpo, mpo, mitsui premium outlet. tapi barang2 sini semua italian branded. murah gila, dan best gila. and its premium stuffs. 

bawa mak naik gondola di venice. 

proses pembuatan murano glass di venice. yeap venice terkenal dengan gelas murano yang sangat cantik, dan harga dia juga sangatlah cantik. kat sini our tour guide bawa pegi this murano factory glass, dia tunjuk la how the glass is made. 

sepetang di bandar venice

arena di verona. kat sini art shows, opera shows. verona pun best sebenarnya. tapi tak sebest milan/florence

trevi fountain di rome. kat sini sapa nak dapat jodoh boleh la baling duit syiling dlm fountain tu, cara baling dia, membelakangkan fountain, baling la syiling tu pakai tangan kiri, tapi menghala kanan. 

disclaimer, saya tak endorse sebarang kepercayaan pagan atau tahyul kat sini.

jadi, lepas 9 hari dan injury mak, balik lah kita semula kat malaysia. next year pulak jalan. mungkin amarika selatan? mungkin ke negara-negara balkan? 

jadi sampai sinilah post berkenaan jalan-jalan italy, see u people in the next post. oh ya, saya tak ada itenary ke apa benda mcm korang kaki travel ni suka buat, i just jalan je doesnt care about anything.

hiatus - nov

i havent been here much lately. in fact, this is the first time that i missed writing here for the past 9 years. this year is probably the busiest year ever for me. busy bekerja and fokus dgn kehidupan.

i could say that my life is quite balanced and stable for the time being. everything is in its place. i want nothing more than this. oh ya i re-buy ps4 again, and this time its totally mind and mine alone. beli pun sebab ffxv, 10 years in the making kot, i waited so long for this.

dapat main 3 hari lewat dari official release, dan dapat main sikit je sebab haritu pegi eurotrip dgn family.

1 week prior to my eurotrip, i accident lagi. hurt my ankle pretty bad, bengkak dan macam kaki gajah dah. wuu sakit. dan tak sempat heal properly dah kena jalan, and yep masih sakit dan bengkak sampailah harini. haritu kat europe hari2 jalan 20 km, 8 hari, balik sini, sakit kaki. the patch i got from doc pun dah habis, need to refill the good stuffs.

so far, takde apa yg best pun bulan 11 ni. semua mcm biasa. takde apa yg special. so takdelah benda sangat nak diceritakan. 

ja!

things that i miss along sept-october

billy talents ada album baru called afraid of heights.
i miss you, like iklim khatulistiwa, sejuk dan panas sepanjang tahun (pun intended)


hi, saja je atas tu. nak bagi tahu dunia yang band paling power yes billy talent ada album baru haha. and yeah gonna cerita abit. cliche tapi this happened depan mata. yang mana dapat tangkap moral values tu dapat la, yg mana tak tu wait till kena la eh.

benda paling basic dalam percintaan adalah :

1. trust
2. respect

tanpa dua ni, no point ada relationship dgn sesiapa. not even FWB, or gunting dalam lipatan. at some point, nak taknak kena respek dan percayakan the other party just to get something from them. but, kita taknak discuss pun pasal benda ni.

so the word for today is, space. literally, ruang. time, distance, whatever yang merujuk kepada space. and dalam relationship, space bg aku la, penting. lelagi bagi yg belom ada apa2 ikatan yang sah. and today, im gonna talk about space dan ertinya dalam kehidupan seharian seorang lelaki.

space. kenapa lelaki kena ada space, tak kira la yg dah ada pasangan ke yg dah takde pasangan. me, i kinda like my own personal n private space. dari kawan2 ke, dari gf ke family ke. satu ruang untuk aku rehat, asingkan suara-suara tak penting, tempat untuk aku balik rehat, dan avoid orang serta tempat untuk aku regain balik strength lepas seharian. and aku pun perlukan space dari gf aku so aku boleh keep a distance where i can watch myself over her, and watch her over myself. bukan nak menjauhkan diri nope. tapi cmon, belum kawin kot, baru level gf, so whatever aku buat, biarlah. and kalau hari-hari menghadap balik rumah apa benda balik nak melayan semua (kalau dah kawin, its another story, sebab itu dah jadi hukum - I OWN YOU, YOU OWN ME)

and yes space for us guys to berkawan dgn perempuan lain. why? so senang kita nak self-check how relevant are we, keep our perspective dari sudut lain, tempat nak luah or minta nasihat besides that one goddamn chick you tied to everyday. kesianlah tengok lelaki yg kena hantar dan pegi amik gf dia dari kerja. kena control. nak update status page social media pun kena maki, kena trigger curang n shit. cmon, dia dah depan mata kau, hantar kau pergi balik keje tiap malam susah senang dgn kau, and once he tweet about crush, kau nak marah2 pulak kenapa la? tak boleh? tak boleh dia tegur pempuan lain? here comes the 2nd element dalam relationship. RESPECT. bila kau respek, automatik datang trust. tapi kat sini aku nak cakap, aku tak tahu camne korang ukur trust/respect/honesty, but always, always keep some for yourselves.

and sure, benda ni goes both way, if guys can do it, so does girls. masing2 kena tahu boundary masing2. how far can you go, what to avoid and stuffs. love can sometimes be tiring, and it fades away in time. but, its up to you people to light up back the love between you guys. give and take. guys, belajar untuk tone down and give in, but not at the expense of your own freedom. and toleratelah dgn perangai perempuan.and girls, be inconsiderate. he might or might no say beautiful words, might and might not give you the world, but if heres there, during ups and down, put up with your shits, stay with him, support him takat mana mampu.

kesianlah tengok orang lelaki ni bila dia dah dapat gf yg dia nak, terus auto pilot jadi bodoh pak turut. pastu kena control dgn awek dia. ini tidak sihat, ini tidak boleh!

BUKA MATA BRO, WAKE THE FUCK UP.

updating, as per requested

sup. hi. i am somehow still alive. haha. mcm biasa some days were hard some days were not. nothing much can be used to indicate my progress in life but, i manage to get the life that i wanted for now. a normal office hour time. i was bench to the office. now im doing finance, and sometimes properties. 9-6 routine which at first, a bit awkward to me.

i manage to experience office time. lunch break is freakin goddamn 1 hour. haha, selalu rehat unlimited, and boleh memilih makanan. and yup. theres time where i can go solat in the surau, so can extend the rehat time to 20 mins and another 20 during asar. getting used to it day by day. and i kinda miss working during the weekend. but hey, who am i to complain. been wanting this since like ages ago.

i was replaced with 2 young officers, who will rotate among themselves for the time being, for events and such. but something tells me that they wont last long, god pls no -___-

anyway. epi is now married. making me truly, the last guy on JG whos got...nothing. i build nothing, i have nothing. i havent done anything. i do not progress, i am stuck here, like this, wondering where and what should i do.

if u ask me what do i feel right now, i would say im lost. i could use a friend. with dots being 20k km away from me half across the world, i am a bit lonely for a guy. all im doing is just my routine to keep myself in check. work, go home, sleep, on repeat. us, didnt really talk at all. the time difference is just seems making things hard everyday. i sometimes slept at 3 or 4 tryna say good morning and greet her day properly and sometimes its so hard to get up early in the morning with me sleeping around 5 or 6.

and its the same for her. and i want to complain we are less having communication like we should and we missed a few things too. not much can be done now, and for now, im focusing on toning down a bit, have a little patience in me, trying and not to get mad while managing my anger and to channel it properly. to throw away this ego twice as majestic as everest? sigh.

mom's birthday is coming right up in 13 days. been planning to take the fam out for dinner later. seleb sekali dgn lil bruh's. satu kali jalan.

i think this is it for now. and below are the pictures of whatever happened between sep-oct

nostalgic batu pahat. its just classic here a the bustop

epi amd wife, naim and wife, daus and wife. me and muhself

we got paktam in the house meao!

selamat hari jadi malaysia - sebuah post didedikasikan untuk memaki omputeh

semperna hari malaysia ni, marilah mengata omputeh.

*DISCLAIMER*

p/s : prior sebelom post ni, aku pegi tengok cite blair witch project yg dia remake tu. jadi, post ini adalah secara biasnya akan hentam omputeh

korang penah ada kawan omputeh tak? bila tiap kali diorang datang visit sini, mesti dia compare dgn negara dia. sepertinya makanan, cuaca, tempat lepak kita.

dia punya real bercerita pum pam pum pam pegi dia. katanya dia pernah makan cili paling pedas kat dunia, pergh dia punya berbual mmg taknak jatuh, pegi la bawak member omputeh ni sorang pegi kena ayam penyet dgn nasi kukus. berapi mulut, berkicap dia. bila tanya you ok buddy? dia mampu angguk je kah kah kah

pastu dia sembang pula pasal kena cica spesel kat tempat dia, katanya, dia dah travel half across the world n dah pernah kena spesel yg padu maut, dia boleh handle.

realitinya, bawa pegi cica bana, kena 3-4 pam. guess what? berkicap lagi. berbuih mulut dia cuba hadam satu-persatu. kah kah kah omputeh ni kita tak payah nak respek sangat sebab diorang ni dari tok nenek moyang diorang mmg bangsa berbual n cakap nak best je. ale uto la wei omputeh.

jadi, saya rasa omputeh dgn org melayu kita tak banyak beza. tak perlu juga untuk kita agungkan omputeh pandai beratur and shit and very organized kat negara diorang. adore boleh, tapi sampai to the level kita cium kaki dia, hina negara sendiri dan tiap-tiap kali nak kata omputeh lebih bagus dari org melayu, aku akan angkat tangan sebagai tanda tidak setuju.


fakyu omputeh, dan selamat hari malaysia!

p/s 2 : the blair witch project is such a rubbish movie. dont watch 

food! food! give me meat!

lately i have been spending too much money on food. i've been looking for comfort food, been going on indigestion problem, and unable to feel food completely. so, here i am, with revenge, and love, hunts for food that i want to eat so bad.

this one er apa entah nama steak dia, tapi kedai dia dekat belakang SDMC Subang, deret2 dominos tapi belah hujung. 8/10 overall, food, atmosphere, ambience.

night circle shah alam - kalau kenyang and need something tuk isi perut and not so heavy, come here. bubur and lauk dia boleh di pilih, cheap juga. sedap.

gyu kaku in publika. premium meal. rm 500 per 5 pax. japanese bbq style. all kind of meat you want. 

 tengok. theres daging pipi daging peha daging bla bla bla and got wagyu. mah gad bila panggang lepas tu gigit, it melts right away in your mouth. sedapnyaaaaaskldhasljlasdgjlasdgjjasdg

tada. dah habis. so kalau aku ada pegi lagi makan fancy2, nanti aku update dlm ni

wazzap detroit!

heyyy its been awhile. haha. i have been busy, like always. but everytime im done being busy, i embark on a journey, this time, a short and sweet gateway. last month, PD (i didnt enjoy this one bcos gotta go back to work on the next day like immediately and have some digestion problem, so i didnt enjoy the food, the atmosphere, summore personal conflict of interest). and i just now i baru balik from penang for the weekend.

the food? heaven. the people, the streets, the place i've visited so far best. i havent went to penang since like, 2010? issit? last singgah abang long farid kawin kat kedah. jumpa linda semua kat mikdi gurney drive bla bla bla.

ok. i book this 1926 heritage hotel from agoda, from the looks of it, ok la since dia offer family room with 3 queens siap dengan garden and shit, but sampai2 je dia kata bilik prob and dia ganti dgn 2 deluxe room for 3, and bilik jauh jauh pulak tu. tu satu. then takde fridge? i was like wth beli bilik camni pastu tak inform apa call apa takde. so malas la nak berkira layankan jela situ for 2 days. overall ok la. cuma tak puas hati tang bilik tu je. and breakfast diorang pun so-so. tak best mana n tak banyak choice. nasib la tak stay sangat pun bcos sepanjang hari keluar balik pun tuk tido.

but definitely la tak aku nak promote hotel ni, better korang sewa suite dekat gurney drive with the same price, tambah lagi 50. super selesa, super up up dari hotel ni. infact, im gonna write an email to them, with my discomfort. yeah.

neway, heres comes the pic!

 so heres the hotel i've stayed in penang - 1926 Heritage Hotel Jalan Burma, Penang 

 The hallways, tiap kali kami balik malam, takut dengar tapak kaki sendiri sebab lantai dia kayu, so bunyi dia "ek ok ek ok ek ok" terasa mcm main RE 2 hahah

Briyani Milani, the goal is to eat this goddamn meal, 6 times, been waiting 2 years for this to happen. And good thing does happen to those who waits. Superb briyani, beras briyani dgn rempahnya, and the chicken milani itself. ayam boneless yg buat chicken cop tu, dia goreng and the kuah is somewhat chilli cheese, rasa dia kalau korang pernah makan mash potato GSC's, ha lebih kurang camtu tapi lagi padu la spices dia. gaddamn. 10 out of 10 everytime

why dont you people inform me a day or 6 hours prior to my check in? duh

this is da shit right here. Deen's Maju. everyday from 2.30 pm to 11.30 pm. the ayam goreng was..superb. sotong too. ah semua lah senang kata, have to beratur dekat 30 mins because people come and go. sama situasi mcm kari kepala ikan bangsar, u makan, u blah. takde lepak2 sap kok ke apa. punyalah serius kedai ni, sampai rela kena kawal parking and traffic light bila tiba peak hour dia. and guess what, murah gila. ayam seketul, sotong besar gajah, siap air, 8.30. 

p/s : theres nasi kandar original, nasi kandar deen's yg dekat bandar, and apa entah, tu orang luar je makan, the real OG is here Deen's Maju, rumah double story corner lot.

haa see happy kid dapat aiskerim he smile mata also tada nampak. ais kerim kepal, 4.50 and puas makan (bawa air masak kalau taknak potong kaki in 2 hours)

and heres what i got in street art - armenian street. theres a lot of mural around, so heres a few from me. and yeah, for pokemon go people, theres a pokemon go cafe here where people stops and catch some pokemon while hanging out. every kind of people gather here erryday. naik motor, jalan kaki, dalam kete, tua muda semua dok ralit main pokemon go. its a thing here in penang. merah. betul2 dekat intersection of 2 streets. and you guys boleh sewa trishaw and kayuh kalau rajin la nak masuk dalam2 kampung and rumah kedai lama situ. best!

the most famous mural

smoking kills!

honey lemon and oreo cheese cake for my flu. 

hanging out at MU home base at tunas restaurant and watch them lose the game to manchester united yestarday. incredible atmosphere. good shisha too. recomended. tapi tak sempat nak ke arjan bcos we all lepak bora bora ombak for pub/live band air.

man, i shudda've visit penang long time ago. if i knew it was this chill all the time hahaha. neway, selamat hari raya haji, see you people in the next post :)

lupakanlah

i dont even know who am i anymore.

i have been questioning myself. and i am so tired. i havent get any break since early august. can i have a day or two off?

A lil bit of this, and that.

Its my jonny boi's sani wedding. And i have the chance go to back to home town w/ falah and stay the night there. It was a good trip. Take my mind of things. Meeting the oldboys were precious. Susah gila nak jumpa bila dah umur-umur mcm ni.

Oh well. Last week hantar my mum n my dad balik dhaka. I was with this feeling, if i cant say goodbye to them when they are going, i wonder how can i say goodbye to them when the time comes. Everytime i got the chance to meet my dad, he got old. Putih dah rambut. Thinking that i am here, stuck in this life limbo of adult mess, i didnt really lived up to his expectation. Apatah lagi have my own family and start to look over him n mom. I did a lot if thinking waktu balik dari sana. Dont know if im ready for it.

Anyway. I manage to fix my sleeping pattern somehow. And now kena fix my discipline untuk kerja betul2 and not main2 n curi tulang. My record wasnt that good since puasa. So i need to score something.  And will work towards it.

Went shopping today. Dekat mitsui premium outlet. Cari winter coat for my euro trip later in december. Macam haram mahal and tak ada sais sangat untuk di pilih. Gaddamn i never know shopping were this....good. Maybe inilah yang di panggil rediscovering life. I get myself a proper working briefcase, which is a good deal. 60% offer. Dah la mmg minat benda2 leather ni. I had a few mont blanc sling bags and pen, and ada yg dah rosak sbb tamat usia beroperasi and haritu abah bagi beg temporary tp dia kecik, susah nak letak docs n kecik gila. So i buy a new one. Yay! Ada juga tgk jam tapi allah apa la kegilaan harga 30k. Menung tengok. Nak beli motor ke nak beli jam. Hahhhaha. Acoi kata beli motor, cabut meter sbb ada jam pastu pakai. Beli motor dapat jam. Sjdjruehfheudhaj. And i grab a pair of shoes. Godly goddamn good pair of shoes. Rasa mcm jalan atas kapas. I never really had the chance to buy nice things for myself. Selalunya mak yg shoppingkan. Atas sampailahh bawah. And usually kena tanya dia dulu. Boleh tak beli. And dia kasi lesen this time.And guys, yeah i discovered some cool tracks n belom sempat nak buat mix tape post, tgklah kalau rajin, sok la up satu post lagi ke apa.

Aite, thats it for now. Im off to bed, time to sleep, and yeah, whats a monday blues? Haha!

sani n his wife, iffa

the oldboys, next is epi!

kaisara with her uncles. haha

hantar mommy and daddy balik dhaka.

the end of the road

i intended to quit being part of the dota community numerous times. but in the end, i always drawn back to it. i keep telling people this this this but not the actual reason behind all of that.

lets start with these organization of mine. we consist of few people who are dota enthusiasts and were into dota. me personally, i have a personal background of my own. i grew up with this thing, knows people thru this thing, and contribute to it.

seeing this thing grow, and perhaps people can carry on for me, so i can slowly fade away and retire for good.

but it didnt seem to happen anyway. some people sees this as opportunity. to climb up the social ladder, just to be in the hype just bcos they are excited about things, events, the fame and shit. but then it comes to the real labor, semua pun malas. heck, they didnt even bother to tanya. apatah lagi amik port.

and everytime things are not in order, it was always me. keeping things together. sorang-sorang. one man show. sendiri pegi sendiri tulis sendiri buat. wheres the others? some would probably run away, tinggalkan mcm tu bcos of personal problem. fokus benda lain. abis orang lain takyah fokus benda lain? orang lain takde life yg dia nak kena manage? kinda sad seeing things you've spent time to build, hilang mcm tu je.

responsibility plays a very big part in this. kau dah sibuk2 nak join bagai sbb ada event, kau jugak yg lari lepas tu. sibuk2 nak colab sana sini, pun tak terbawa. i cleaned up your mess few times before. buat program tinggal, buat program takde orang jaga. amende? kalau tak boleh commit, tak serius, takyah la kot. kalau nak jump social ladder, nak people to know you, pun tak payah jugak.

and dgn bangangnya our regulator (ESM) n astro hiring some noobs untuk channel egg network dia. dont think i have anymore interest in esports. no point dah buat benda ni. takde feel. diorang bukan buat benda ni out of passion. these people have lost their way. and me seeing this, makes me lose it all.

i will stay with the team until the end of the year, and thats it. no more for me. im done. time for me to be selfish and focus on what i want to do next.

mojo, and its gone

i have been very lazy and super laid back when ramadhan happpened. with the change in my timetable and work, it turns me a very terrible and irresponsible person. lets starts with my morning routine. i need to get to the office at least before 9. and i sleep everynight at 2, and wakes up for sahur at 4, which is a very early to me since i've moved out and stayed with jerol. i realized it was my fault bcos i cant adapt to the time. and i end up overslept till 10 - 1030, and went to work very late and lied a few times.

this is not me. and then, supposedly the time to go home at 430. but since im hunting for market out there, i always kaw tim with my driver suruh tutup pukul 2.30. so i can go home at 3. i barely came to the office since the area im working is within my travelling distance, so i took advantage of myself and my routine by sleeping late, and waking up late, in a cycle where it happened for a month n counting right until now today.

i am very disappointed with myself. and this is why i write this down so every time i came down here to rant, i would read this one and feel ashamed of myself. god. this need to stop. i keep giving myself a grace period so i can start into a new routine but it just wont work out, for now.

to list it down again, my travelling distance to office increased, and i didnt have a proper bike to go to work because it can only go at 80 kmh max. so this adds like 20-25 mins travelling time to my 45 mins ride. its hard. sometimes i have to go work early in the morning, sometimes masuk petang, this unbalanced and uncontrollable environment (seems like flexible but it does not) also contribute to this. for now theres no way to fix this besides to get a better bike which can travel a lot faster, while maintaining my sleep routine 2.30 - 6.30, so i can have a 1 hour to bersiap, another 1 hour to travel.

*i know, trying my best to fix my sleeping pattern and then i can only get my bike on september, just dont judge*

there. but thats not it.

my attitudeeeee. its the biggest. lately i have been working on n off because of my mood. when im rajin, and my higher self we in motion, i will do my work accordingly, but starting this bulan puasa, i am very lazy ya know. i keep on procrastinating. delaying petty works which can be done in a few mins, and didnt keep a very good communication between my team. i was like, ah ok, ok buat je anything report back. masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri. i havent apologized to my partner for covering my ass up everytime i turned up late to the location that i needed to go. doesnt even speak to him becos i keep on hanging out on social sites while juggling thru work. he must be mad at me, thinking im a jerk, and he would smack my face off.

 this, has got, to stop. and it already begin. i started with a 12 hour event routine, and yet still arrive 30 mins late, and still make it to the event despite salah jalan and so. and i spend 12 hours collecting demand list and it does feel good, and it pays. penat, layu, tapi layan je. baru terasa penat dia bekerja secara betul-betul. dah sebulan lebih sedap, ha padan muka. more events coming these few weekends as Q3 kalender starts. next is i have to make sure i show up in the office 4/5 times in a week so i can update myself with things and listen to my team and get updates about them.

and i am not used to being alone, it has been 2 months since i have been getting morning calls/texts/wake up call and someone to actually hushes me around. i miss that person sometimes, sometimes the routine. gotta get myself used to it. did it before. going to do it one more time

eh dah. sendu pula dia

fun fact : it would take 23 days to change one's routine. and it resets everytime you cheat.

sup, its raya 2016!

i got the chance to go back a bit longer during raya. kinda miss home. everything changes. the family, the people, the environment, my friends. the batu pahat i know, suddenly, i dont know anymore. but it kinda feels the same too, somehow. oh yeah, sempatlah singgah summit haritu. all those memories, growing up there...theres no more summit parade batu pahat.

heres my family. thats me from the left, my brother celi, my mother, my sister yaya and my littul bro man. without dad this year. hes raya-ing with his buddies there at dhaka. haha

my my aunts and my cuzzies and nieces and newphews. sibuk main handphone. 

it does feels like raya. waking up in the morning, hujan di almost semua tempat. and the food. gawd so nice. oh oh lupa. yeah we still organize bbq mcm biasa this year dekat pt besar. the 6th year, i think antara tahun paling tak ramai and chill je. small one. hanging out the boys as i didnt really go back to see them often. dem good people.

people keep calling me abang tarik kereta bcos of my hair do. hahah. and guess who's back in town? the JG guys. its takes forever to gather these people around, lagilah tgh raya ni. luckily hari sabtu tu masing2 dah boleh kata reda beraya, apa lagi, bersidang la. sani is getting married this coming 6 aug. marking the only ones left in JG guys were me, falah and wan. falah is getting there, wan in a few, me? i havent made any progress on this one. and i kinda promised myself not to have another one within a year. so i can focus on my things, career and maybe farm a lil bit of money for another trip. i havent went anywhere this year besides langkawi and sabah for iza's wedding. planning for pangan juga this december with jerol n lap n fami but we'll see how. desperately need vitamin beach.

the boys, 22 years and counting. 

meet wiwi. the house cat. all she does is sleep, eat he cookies, pretending to watch tv and being scared all the time. 

i'll see you in the next post! ja!

post yang ke 1122.

mula2 fikir nak update sikit about whats happening for these past 3 weeks, tapi malas pula. sekarang tgh sibuk main pickupline ramadhan #sensorang hahaha.

partially supposed to make me feel better and good, sambil membuang stress yg bersarang di pangkat tengkuk saban hari melayan karenah email dan complain yg perlu di selesaikan segera. work is tough, its a bit crazy for previous 2 months but things are under control.

so here goes, beberapa pickup ramadhan dari saya. maybe ada yg dah guna the same idea, but the variation is there. haha.

"azan masuk waktu berbuka tak boleh tunggu, you, i boleh tunggu sampai bila-bila. takde hal"

"Hukum berbuka puasa dgn benda manis adalah sunnah, tapi kalau berbuka dgn you, dah jadi wajib!

"You, baju you warna apa this year?

"I warnabe with you ???"

"bae, kalau sahur takde u, jadilah tak sah r"

"you nak murtabak apa?"

"i nak murta...bak number telefon you boleh tak?"

-me, tryna hit some murtabak girls at bazar, everytime

"girl : you, nak buka apa harini?
boy : apa kata harini you buka pintu hati you?"

"miss sahur tu i tak pernah, tapi kalau miss you tu, eh boleh kata selalulah."

haha, some r lame, some r kinda #cheeseballs, please feel free to use these lines. happy def!



p/s : dari bruh, kepada bruh.

letters to madame mademoiselle

im sorry that i cant be there for you whenever you want me to

- little that you know about my work and its job scope. i need to be here and there because of my work

im sorry that i have to spend most of my weekend and time working.

-  again, if you want to ask me out, or spend my time with you, please do so earlier. so i can manage my work timetable and find replacement just so we could find the time for it. everytime i wanted to tell you about what im doing until im this busy, we end up talking about you and your things. so i lose interest everytime, and only god knows how much i want to tell you about it..you wont never ask me about it..

im sorry that i have to ask you for some space and time for the time being

- little that you know that i am currently slowly adapting in to this new life. with my family moving, i need to help my mom to do this, and that. i need to manage my time just so i can talk to u without any other things dragging me down. by now you should know as the eldest son, not being there with my family while they are packing and arranging things and helping them pack, apatah lagi balik sana n help..

some time and space for us to grow is good. so you could understand me and vice versa. and we have to learn how to respect each others - ground rules, space, time and such.

what else?

i know i cant make you stay. i know i cant make you go either. i do want you to stay. but im done being in a relationship that will end up like this. by now you should know that i am not going away. i know you too. if you want to walk away from all of these, you already would. not now. not this. what happen to you? i know what happen to me. 

when i ask for time and space, did i ever leave you? its just, to rply and to give myself to you would take time, but not that long. whenever im free. did i ever leave you hanging? nope. its like the usual, but less me seeing or talking to you. but im there, im here. i always do and i always was. and you act like im leaving you for someone else.

im hurt too. in case you forgot. i suffer from missing you, wanting you too. but i have to go through with it. just go with it. i want to talk to you. i want to see you so bad. but for now, just hold on. bare with me and my imperfections, learn about me. ask me things. not assume things. 

i love you. i want this, but if were going this way, and ifs not too late, let me save us. and if you want to be here, with me. tell me. letting go was never easy, never will be. never will do. and not with you.

im tired of fighting, mentally, emotionally. please stop doing this to me. i cant take it anymore. im about to break. 

about staying

sure, i want you to stay, not to the level where i have to beg, down on my knees, just to make you stay

some rants. the usual(s)

hi. i have settled down in my new house. cuma masih berterabur sbb belom beli katil, almari tilam and whats not. mungkin isnin ni? bila cuti nanti. and yeah. loving it here. tenang, tak bising, takde kete lalu lalang.

ok im here not to write about this shit. im here to talk about x-men : apocalypse!

hah guess what, i watched the movie last night. few hours earlier than the release date! and overall the movie is quite ok. better than x-men 1st class and x-men days of future past.

cuma ni la sikit nak rant pasal watak apocalypse. he's like a god. with the ability to survive and switch body, simply put, he can live forever. but purpose dia as a villain is very weak. he desires to enslave humans instead of wiping them all out.

little that he knows that human are the source of the problem. why destroy the world and rebuilt just to turn them into slaves who worship you while u can destroy everything into nothingness because existence has no meaning? you are the strongest yet you seek help? what for? every villain shud take note, to conquer the world ni dah jadi side mission dari true mission which is to destroy everything.

watch ultron, watch joker. apa similarities dia? they dont want money, they dont want revenge, they dont want people to see them as gods ke apa, all they want is simply destruction because they know :

1. human doesnt deserve to live.
2. existence is nothing if you are above all.
3. you are the ultimate being and yet you seek approval from the weaklings for what? their lives is at your mercy????

heck if i do have powers just like him. hahahah i think im gonna be afraid of my villain self. i might wage war upon other planets and maybe destroy the whole universe too. getting earth blown up is just the beginning. i have the power do change the world, why i should spare you, you and you? i do not need others but myself. the power to create, the power to destroy, i had it all.

ok habis part apocalypse yg lemah lagi menjijikkan mata. lets talk about the post-credit scene. theres some guy from some company taking vials of wolverine's blood (weapon x) and that dude is from essex company *cough, spoilers, cough, mister sinister, or perhaps the wolverine next movie*

thats all. sebenarnya aku kena siapkan few artikel untuk tenagamudaxtwtdota tapi havent start. mah gad. malasnya ~_~

ja!

sup may?

I

hi. it seems that i have return from my 2 weeks not so holiday. dan hari ini saya akan berpindah rumah ke rumah baru. simply put, i've lost 2 bikes, had enuf with my current housemates (they are ok cuma certain things je aku cam takleh nak tolerate nemore) and yeah, sedang slow2 settling down. barely catching up with things and paling penting is didnt really give myself a chance to breathe. 

last week were harsh. settle insurance motor, pegi naik turun naik balai becos they didnt stamp on my police report, so insurance suruh pegi balik n minta cop, 3 kali datang, malam tak buka la public off la. i mean, come on, dalam tu mesti la ada acting officer yg akan type report kalau org nak datang report polis kalau ada kes ke apa, and tak centralize lansung system. kat jb itu hari aku try la nak pegi cop pon takleh gak. apa entah susahnya cop pengesahan but thats ok. benda yg senang di susahkan. aku faham je protokol, tapi cmon, cop pengesahan, tak perlu sain. and other branch pon sepatutnya boleh tgk report tu by system. sudah la. dah settle dah pun. now we have to waitlah for the insurance company buat claim. and motor baru akan keluar lepas dapat insurance tu.

secondly, the trip to langkawi is ok until my mom tertinggal barang2 because dia berebut2 n terkejar2 apa tak tahu. was angry with her tapi tak sampai hati pula. tak tahu lah kenapa dia bergitu terkejar2 dan beriya2 awal2 pagi. sepatutnya kena chill bcos semua mmg according to plan. rugi dah mcm2 itu ini. takpelah kot takde rezeki. nak buat mcm mana.

 me and my mommeh

 kami stay di malibest resort. mmg just nice, depan2 tu dah laut, and center jugalah nak kemana2 turun bawah je 

 lepak di rooftop nexus tunggu sunset sambil tgk pantai cenang 360. new experience.

II.

tak tahu ke tak i should or should not talk about this, tapi entahlah i think i should. honestly, if u ask me, i would like to quit from twt_dota like, for good. i know i have been trying, and trying but somehow i cant. and now that we're getting this and that, which i cant reveal yet, theres one thing that i am afraid. people are not working or take this seriously. i am not sure either its me who overthink, or its not this serious. but yeah, everytime ada benda baru, "these" people akan semangat gila babi, meeting n such, and when it happens, "these" people are no where to be found. all im saying is, wheres the commitment. 

i feel sorry for those who have to cover/stand in for them. i know ini semua keje free based on minat n such, but people needed to be thanked, and di hargai. bukan dah habis tinggal. and that is the reason why people leave half way. to have an idea, is easy. to make it work and run it, thats another thing. takat ni aku masih nak amik responsibility lagi. and one more thing aku tak pandai nak cakap elok2, or subtly, sebenarnya, kalau nak ikutkan, takpayah pun aku nak sibuk2 pening memikir ke apa, boleh je tinggal, just aku bukan orang mcm tu. i've started this, and i think i should end this. bila takde apa, semua dah bersepah2 buat itu buat ini fokus dgn keje n so. well, me too. i do have a day job and still have to think about all of these. but u guys pun kenalah betul2 komited. if tak boleh komit or tak boleh elak hal yg u know will happen either u like it or not, or tak boleh sacrifice tido ke game lain ke apa, dont agree. simply put, our organization is not organized and dont think we cud pull this off, with this kind of attitude. kita pun buat suka2.

III.

i have this lady friend. who were always find herself in trouble. and everytime when shes innit, she will look for you. dont know and dont care for whatever reason, to her, everything you said were just plain evil. to destroy her. to bring her down. and yet, shes there, looking for you. and guess what? it was all about her. all the time. her life. her work. her things. her this. her that. and yet i didnt complaint any. tak kira la bila-bila pun, apa-apa pun, mesti about her. it was never about me. including bila motor aku hilang last 2 week, and aku dekat balai tgh buat report. sikit pun aku tak cakap dgn dia pasal tu and dia still sibuk2 nak tanya and complain itu ini. and we somehow get into a serious fight, despite aku lansung taknak pun bertekak dgn dia. aku rasa aku dah habis tolerance dah. and done dgn semua ni. till day one, im with her. and bila aku cakap something and dia rasa dia tak gemar, dia pilih tuk memusuhi aku. sigh.

satu - aku tak rasa aku boleh let everything go. tell things she didnt want to hear. bcos dia bukan jenis boleh hadap realiti punya orang. bagi dia, semua sugar coat. bagi dia, masih ada peluang dalam dunia ni. i dont want to take away that belief from her. biarlah dia rasa sendiri. 

dua - nampak je aku kasar n such, tapi dalam lembut. tak sampai hati nak buat kawan, jadi lawan.

tiga - she got to stop thinking that the world revolves around her. and she got to get her mind straight. stop lah cari attention dgn nak complain about things everytime. kita dah besar kot. mmg la bermasalah sebab kita dah mula galas tanggungjawab yg sama ada kita suka, atau tak suka. mend your own shit. live with it. not everything is about you or to against you. 

i did lose a friend yg perangai dia lebih kurang sama dgn minah ni. benda simple je. dia tak suka dgn orang yg aku berkawan di internet, so dia choose untuk bencikan aku dan bermusuhkan aku atas sebab simple. and mamat ni mmg ada masalah bipolar ke anger issues (dia fikir aku punya isu letak kat mana? dalam kocek je ke?)

dia take benda social media ni seriusly. aku benci gak few people tapi takde la sampai hari2 nak menganjing, sampai nak benci kawan2 bcos kita ada different opinion from each other. bukan sekali la dia buat hal, last time pun sama, tapi aku buat rilex lagi. but not this time. aku rasa aku tgk muka pon dah meluat. kalau kau tak suka orang, tak suka baca apa orang tweet, ke post status ke, block, mute or buat tak endah, bukan bitch about it mcm takde esok, bukan tak bagi bitch around, bagi je. tapi rilex2 la

biasalah. anak orang kaya. kawan dgn orang2 yg sama level dgn dia, or takde kawan lansung. kawan2 dia sekarang pun kawan aku. tak tahu malu. kalau nak lepak, sikit2 mesti tempat dia. nak datang tempat kita jauh sekali. zaman susah, sapa tolong? dia mana ingat benda tu. time dia down ke apa benda, sapa tolong? dia tak ingat. dia ingat perkara yg dia benci pasal kita.

IV.

lepas dah siap pindah, dah settle down apa semua. aku rasa aku nak start fokus dgn career dan kehidupan. maybe less bersosial dgn orang unless needed to do so. penat sebenarnya. terkejar2 ke sana ke sini. penat dok please orang tapi in the end, kita sendiri tak dihargai. what for? all these time aku rasa aku mcm gunung berapi yg tunggu timing je nak meletop. which is, dangerous to everybody around me. i might snap or lose it, and taknaklah kot meletus sampai orang sekeliling kena. which is bad, kalau it happens. so i would like to keep the distance btw kawan2 for a timed period, and bila aku rasa dah stable n nak jumpa orang. i will do so.