now that i am in my early 3 series age. i feel like sharing a bit whats it like to be in your 30s.

to think that i am able to live half a lifetime as normal human (avg dying age is at 64) is incredible enough. but signs of oldness is now showing.

i could say i have enough exercise (simple ones) and living a quite active day (if tak balik pukul 2 ke 3 hahaha) summore naik rumah tingkat 4 everyday, nak pegi makan pun eksesais balik makan pun eksersais sbb turun naik tangga. and rajin juga topap air mineral berkotak2 so boleh la nak kata lengan ni sado.

ok. here we go.

1. lately kalau overworked sikit, terasa penat dia pukul 6 petang tu. lepas tu nak drag sampai ke malam (sabtu ahad kalau ada event) dah rasa tak daya. i used to work 12 hours a day, sometimes 17 hours. kadang2 malam ada breakdown, balik kul 9, kul 12 pegi buat migration bagai larat je. these days keluar pukul 10, pukul 5 lebih camtu dah call gg

2. belom pukul 10 malam rasa dah berkicap habis. mata out. ada juga terlelap pastu jaga baik just because nak go throughout the rutin - game, series, movie. end up hilang focus sebenarnya since ur body dah hafal the activity and ur brain is....nowhere...

3. metabolism dgn selera makan. there will be time i takkan lalu nak makan. dari sarapan sampai la ke malam. dua tiga sudu pastu cam .. dah. tapi tak rasa nak makan. lapar tu terasa tapi mmg sungguh takde nafsu. probably faktor umur dan juga rutin makan yg tidak dijaga dari dulu. since i work in the field, makan tak menentu. lunch pukul 4 lebih, sarapan 11 lebih, malam pun makan lewat juga so...perut dah tak larat. once suffered from ulcer sampai kicap2 8 cm kena tebuk ha. and kerap juga la sipi2 nak gastrik. last time i check, i suffered from GERD. usus naik sampai ke esofagus, so kena makan bebetul, timing bebetul. sigh

4. i have very low libido. kurang sex drive. tak tahu la kenapa and i hope i just dont turn gay. noooooooooooooooooooo

5. this is the time where you will have money, but less time and energy to spend it after long of years working ur hard ass off, and ur friends is leaving u one by one because they got married/died 

6. emotional breakdown is your playground. so man up thru whatever obstacle or crisis. only look straight forward since theres no point on fixing what has already been said and done. try to enjoy life. 30 y/o is a great age to see things from different perspective.

7. by now, u should be able to reflect back to all the things u've done in life. and ultimately know what u want by now. right and wrong becomes so clear with every choice we made, every path we walk.

8. u dream about someone dear/close to u dying. are we ready for it? 

ok i should go to bed. since im gonna make writing as my routine (escape from all bad thoughts) and im having a minor tonsillitis and its killin me slowly. 

i'll try to be a positive person, bit by bit, amin.