penaaaaat

today suck. not because i have to work on weekends, or not being able to enjoy my weekend but i think i've reached my limit. i sleep around 4 am yesterday only to wake up 3 hours later to go to work. usually adalah rasa ngantuk penat apa semua tu, normal la. tapi harini boleh rasa dia punya penat. kepala berat. badan takmau dengar arahan. tapi paksakan jugak bangun mandi pastu ride pegi keje. dah la spec patah haritu sobs. pastu sekarang naik motor mcm orang buta sebab silau nak mampus. sampai2 je event, tak boleh nak fokus orang cakap apa. mcm bingit sangat lepas tu dah tak daya dah nak layan, aku ha ye kan je semua benda. dalam sejam lepas tu baru la dapat duduk pastu makan semua. terasa dia punya penat (tua) sampai to the bones.

sejak buat dua kerja ni, lepas balik keje je tido, which is totally not ok dgn tak sihat. tidolah dari 630 tu kadang lajak sampai kul 9. ikutkan nak nap je, tapi dah baring apa benda semua. hari-hari mcm ni for the past 3 weeks. i tried not to sleep or rest, ternyata lebih buruk padahnya. pukul 9 ke pukul 10 dah rasa mcm nak mampus?? lepas tu cam taknak la tido awal sangat nanti celik awal pun masalah kan. so drag la sampai pukul 1 camtu. dah penat sangat, tak boleh tido. so i toss and turn lah on the bed until 3 or 4 camtu.

disiplin makan pun tak jaga. makan tak makan. tak ikut time. berterabur kehidupan aku. pastu stress build up lagi. bahu sangat stiffs. indigestion. otot sakit sbb tense sangat. popped one atarax just to relieve my stiff shoulders and esoknya regret sbb mood swing and tak habis2 rasa sloppy dia.

i havent had any break (proper ones) where i sleep and have a quality me time. dapatlah sehari off hari rabu tu but haritulah nak pegi bayar bill, haritu lah jugak nak pegi jumpa orang, haritu jugak nak ini itu lepas tu membawa sampai ke malam ada meeting untuk event twt_dota pula. thank god everything is pretty much settled - venue, activities blah blah blah, tinggal nak up poster dengan siapkan printing baju tuk di jual that day. i have lost count dah berapa kali kata nak retire from all of these thingy and still, here i am..doing stuffs.

and i feel people around me is kinda dragging me down. and if i could lose all of these excessive baggage coming out from these people, i would feel a lot and so much better. i can do better. i can be better.

not too late for a july post

look at that title. raya aftermath. life has been pretty much crazy for me, while down the hill for some.

chester bennington's death. anis. getting back into life. less than in a month, things went crazy. dont even know what's what. too fast.

i wish i could come here often and jolt down everything. but i dont really have the time to do so. been trying to sort my activities and schedule but time wont just let me. theres a lot to things that i want to tell. some good, some bad, ramblings, questions (often left unanswered).

there were also conflicts, mostly not mine (somehow i ended in one) and been trying my best to keep everyone together, with all of my might.

thats it. for now.

RIP Chester Bennington. thank you for all the years i spent growing listening to your songs. 

thank you for making me feel like i am not the only one and all alone. i bet most of the people feels the same. something i could relate to, where conventional day-to-day parenting doesnt really apply. 

p/s : whats there, for us to pick it up all over again, knowing there were nothing left, to talk about. or even dream about.

Selamat Hari Raya!

hi. i know, i know. i have been missing out. i am tryna to go on with my own life. to live another day, and to discover what does life have to offer for those who seek *REALL BEBB*

haha.

part yang meneruskan kehidupan tu ye. and yela, kena la keep on going kan. honestly, i have no problem to get back to the top of my game before. i mean, work-wise, social-wise, and mostly everything, cuma i cant stop tryna find the answers why, until i realized, sia-sia kot. the signs are already there. no point. and then i stop. and start enjoying my days.

and yeah, selamat hari raya. patutnya post this shit waktu kat rumah hari tu. tapi disebabkan aku sangat arrogant (tak bawa balik ps4, tak bawa balik laptop, tak bawa balik cica) so kinda terputus hubungan sekejap-sekejap dgn dunia luar. i think i cud do it, the life yg aku pernah lead before. but after almost 10 years masa berlalu. i dont think i can do it. hahahaha. but slowly over the week aku rasa cam nak pindah balik juga. if given the chance la. tenang kat kampung. everything is within my reach. maybe lead a low profile life. sebulan sekali turun kl jumpa kawan2. bawa diri. bela kucing dua ekor.

ok dah. toksah nak real sangat. heres whats been happening with my raya this year.

tadah, jersey saya dah siap akhirnya! prepare for this coming TI7 next august cey. kan dah cakap nak buat pubstop n shit. and seller ni dia takde team china, kalau ada dah beli IG punya jersey. quality - OK. selesa. cutting mmg nice. tak rasa my man boobies nak terpop out mcm jersey2 lain asdjkajdajsdasdjl.

bbq with the boys. back to the original 7, for the 8th year. mmg tradisi raya aku kat kampung dgn hommies kampung, malam raya kita orang akan buat bbq. so hangout. catching up with them. 

hi, meet paktam. 

haritu balik johor, ride sama dgn 2 brother ni. time ni kita orang benti rehat jap. paneh gila penat. and gambar ni is sangat lah #goals AF. miskin takleh!

raya family photo without abah, again for the 81237976123 year. tahun ni semua kale orange or peach whatver.

me and megan di pagi raya

malam-malam takde kawan nak ajak lepak, lepak la dgn wiwi dgn paktam dua ekor dari siang, sampai malam tengok TI SEA qualifier, pandai pula tu tengok. pastu bila orang sorak2 dia pon ngiau2 hahahaha bila tak layan nak gigit

sedihnya, ni je yang tinggal tahun ni yg dapat collect kat kampung. ma JG dawg. 4 orang je. last year kehadiran gila babi penuh. haha. since ada yg this year start beraya kampung bini. and guess what? epi dah ada baby boy la siot. epi ada baby boy is cam...ok buat aku tertanya what the fuck did i do with my life. even epi settled down and got himself a baby boy. and i said, i tried, twice. end of story

everyday is asam pedas day kalau balik batu pahat. ni dari kedai yang paling top kat batu pahat, asam pedas generation. member punya kedai. same taste throughout the years. ikan fresh. kuah tip top. nasi kukus aroma pandan yg sangatlah...gaddamn.

world famous mee racun tulang taman seri manja. i dont think this deserve any explanation isnt it? and guess what, belakang rumah ajerrr

ni, hidden jewels dalam batu pahat. hanya pure breed, truest batu-pahat people je tahu. kedai roti nan shuib, belakang post office. buka 6 pm sampai 12 am. the best foken nan evah. and kuah dia, gaddamn. kambing, kambing cincang, daging, daging cincang. and guess what? bubur ayam, mee goreng mamak dengan lontong goreng, boleh dapat 24/7 sini. takyah cerita ar sedap dia dia mcm mana. if any of you guys datang batu pahat, nan shuib is worth the visit.

okay. itulah sedikit sebanyak tentang raya saya tahun ni. oh ya, minggu depan 16/7 ada buat open house kecil-kecil untuk kawan-kawan. datanglah kalau free. and walaupun tak meriah or hype mana raya tahun ni, still boleh rasa the spirit of raya yg mana ramai kata diorang tak rasa raya best la apa la. i had my fair share of fun. raya is best!

till next post, ja!