tegami haikei juugo no kimi e my version.

its 4.25 am.i toss and turn in the bed for almost 2 hours.but yet i still cant close my eyes and start to sleep.i keep wondering what and why i cant sleep.i know i've been having this syndrome of sleeping in the day since the first day i was in the campus life.tidor at 8 am and waking up 5 pm daily.crazeh huh?

now im at the lowest state that a guy cud be.im moneyless.im educationless.and im jobless.myself also is a big mess.look at me.rambut tidak terurus.wardrobe? lagi la hopeless.i keep thinking.apa nak jadi qayyum? cmon.apa nak jadi? takkan ur going to hang around,tak keluar umah,playing dota and talking shit and trash with some schoolboys? playing dota everyday and night wasting every second and moment doing childish thingy.racism.proving nothing at the end of the day.till when i will do this? this madness has to stop.for once,be real.go back to real life qayyum.i know the real world is harsh.but hold on.just hold on.its just till the matter of time.

qayyum.ur once a great guy.ur once was a winner.why now ur running away from life? why now u decided to stop? why now.ur almost at the end of ur journey in life.just a few baby step away.dont stop now.cmon.finish what u've started and half done.pandai nilai situasi but now sendiri pun tabole buat apa.shame on u qayyum.shame on u.so what if ur good in gaming? who cares? who cares for ur GODLIKES and TOTAL OWNING.even ur a LEGEND and ur name is stated in some websites.still it does no good.REALIZE THAT

running away from life isnt the answer.yeah the world is harsh and cruel.so what? take it.its karma.maybe now ur the victim and maybe sooner or later ur the predator.why blaming it on the others.yes the world is overrated.its not the FA~LA~LA land or the mario world.cmon.the person who is right to be blamed is urself.why so stupid to let people doing this in ur life.cmon.u can see it.but ur doing nothing.and thats is ur own fault.u see it comming.but u didnt do anything.u realized it now? do u?

open up ur eyes qayyum.its not the end of the world yet.get up.u still got several goals in ur life.
quit and stop whinning like a crybaby.stop saying that i donwant to meet new people,new life,new adventures and etc2.make new friends.have new bond with others.pursue ur goals.wake up.wake up.wake up.its still not too late.ur just 3 months behind.stop being there for the others and start to be there for urself.get a life.if there is nobody there to support u then u have to support urself.take a good look of urself in the mirror right now.who are u.what are u.
stop acting cool.stop being so invulnerable.yes u can be hurt and u dont have to keep away all the emotions from everybody else just to make u too look cool and cold.pozer.yeah.pozer!

satisfied with ur current self? wanna be like this for another 5-6 years in the future? shame on u.
do sumthing.have faith.start to believe in hope.and do not forget to work ur ass off.its not that ur just relying on pure hope.but be and opportunist.take opportunities.stop being cool.stop being super confident.stop being the devil's advocate.

from this day onwards.change.its not too late for u qayyum.really.wake up.stop wasting time.go and pursue ur life.be a human for once.and stop living the fa~la~la land of urs and keep blaming others.

urs truly.
qayyum from the future.hope so.

p/s to myself : start to believe in hope.be an opportunist.that is why we pray to god.HE existed and shall grant our hopes and prayers.

p/s to others : living my life aint easy.think again

p/s : im almost crying when writing this.i'll change.i'll try.for good.