drink it down

114 am. currently listening to damien rice delicate. and i just got home. skipping dinner.

its been a while since i whine. can i just whine where in my own space? i dont care about how many people gonna read it, or either giving a damn about it.

im tired. its not tired. im exhausted. both my body and soul is emptied. out of energy. i cant even read and recognize people these days. the good news is i am on the very good of emotional and temper controlling but i just dont have the energy left to use.

this week im kinda preoccupied with work, pending orders, daily work orders. the sole pain in the leg, causes stress, the temperature out there..is killing me..bathing sun everyday, battling crazy orders..closing case..doing reports...

and the other thing that bothers me much is about relationship. look, its not about my love life or what. its about relationship between myself and you guys. and the people of course.

actually its more about complain. well, here i go.

look, i am not build, either born with wings. i just cant help you people everytime u people need help. i am tired. and each time i need help. where are you people? im here not asking to give back what i give but this issue makes me think. who would be there when im in need? who would be there listening to me? and who would be there to lend a hand or a shoulder?

i know i know. good deeds. yes im pretty clear about it, but sometimes im just tired doing so. sacrificing myself for the others benefit, i just cant help it. i might say "go to hell and whatever" but in the end of the day, the one who will lend a hand is me. this particular person. yum.

i just dont like to turn down my buddies request. name it, hang out, lend money, giving answers, i never really turn u guys down did i?

but for now i think i need a break. i need to stop doing favors. in other words, i need to get some rest, clear up my mind, and do what i do best.

helping people :)