motive

theres nothing much to be told. truth is, im having a pretty bad week. again with my job, stuffs. and i pretty much cant handle things besides myself. and i am going to start my 3 month training at local outlets, yes. u heard me. 3 months of penalty because of my behavior during last meeting. i didnt fuck up. all i did is, i said something about the truth and nature of being in a consumerism lines and its corruptions and it backfires. i dont mind. NOT

anyway. they took away almost everything from me. my projects, my awards, my medal, my everything. i have been working on this one project on semenyih area. idk how to say, but sigh...i build it from scratch..everything..and they took it away from me...

my heart, was broken. im losing my mind. i am losing each and every bit of my mind and sanity. and besides, these few days..things happen in my family. all my life, i never see anything like this, or experience things like this.

idk i shud be sharing this or not. but this did made me cry my heart out the whole day.

27 years of living, and this is the 1st time he said sorry. and i know the word "dad, abah, ayah and so on" with its truest meaning. and i know theres a lot going in his mind right now. and i shudnt be any burden to him right now. and all i gotta do is to help him, help my family go thru this bad times.

gotta stay strong ya know. gotta keep it straight. keep my head up, keep my heart strong. and how i wish, my family is just like any other ordinary family. dad-son relationship. mother-daughter. ya know. the usual stuffs.

i think this is it for now. i am going to sleep and thr starts my 3 month training/punishment or whatever it is. all i gotta to is to survive, 9-5. issit so hard?

adrenaline

bloodshot against the clear blue sky
tick tock i think my well is running dry

my my
i cant lie
i need a shot again, that sweet adrenaline.

dead scared cause im fearless in the head,
bang! bang! cause the needle's in the red!

my my
i cant lie
i need that shot again. that sweet adrenaline.

my sweet adrenaline

my 2014 raya story.

went back to batu pahat on friday, pukul 3 pagi. settlekan kete dia takde battery, beli jumper, jumper taik tak support. last2 tukar bateri 2 kali baru jalan, tu pon memekak sebab alarm tick off bila tanggal bateri. try punya try boleh pun. pukul 6 pagi sampai, lepas tu terus out sampai ke tgh hari. 

and my raya was ok la, not bad. probably raya yg meaningful. since i manage to fix things with my old best friend, attufah, and actually hang out with him, and ya know, do some boys stuffs. thanks to TK san, yg arrange. and probably thanks to the green stuffs, because u got me talking there, buddy.

and here goes my raya history with those JG guys history : 

2012 - 12 people around.

2013 - 8 people around.

2014 - theres fuken 2 ppl at the open house. HAHAHAHA

and yes, tradisi, legasi sebagai budak kampung parit besar, malam raya kami akan buat bbq, dengan abu, safik, bob and those people who matters, to me, the most. pictures below.

and this year my long long long long lost uncle yg currently stay kat brunei comeback and sambut raya dgn family mak. mcm blessing juga la. bond yg lama putus sebab benda2 remeh is now ok, cleared the air dgn adik beradik lain, kumpul ramai2 family belah mak, family belah abah pun. things is kinda ok. ok la raya ni. since tak ramai kawan yg balik time raya ni, aku banyak spend masa teman mak aku p beraya, pegi la rumah sedara mara yg aku lama dah tak pegi/tak ingat jalan. its cool i guess, berjalan dgn ur mom, talking to ur uncles and pakcik yg tak berapa kita nak borak sangat eventho mende2 la diorang borak, layan je. kita bukan budak dah bila orang datang beraya tido, masuk bilik or tgk tivi tak geti bercampur orang.

terasa adult dan mewakili keluarga tiba2 sebab i am the 1st son, and adik beradik gua semua rancak berkonvoi beraya sini sana. tinggal la aku sensorang kat umah memisang, mereput..transport takde, motor dah 3 bulan tersadai, tangan cacat. sigh, sad, sad.

and anyway, selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin, minta halal apa yang aku terlebih terkurang selama ini kalau ada, atau aku tak perasan. harap masih sempat >.<

 balik batu pahat je terus cari sup sitam - lidah, perut, keting mix. #win

 prep the lamb and ciken myself - bobby yum flay

 those boys. my homie.

 jgn tanya kenapa gua pakai spek time amik gambar raya ni. 

 haji abdullah's family and legacy. yg takde family mak awi je pasal diorang beraya parit sulong dulu ptg baru dtg

 tak kelakar bila jadi benda mcm ni pukul 4 pagi.

 rumah tok leha kat kempas. i was born here, in that room. i grew up here too. sangat nostalgic..classic..

 baru perasan warna baju raya taun ni sama dgn warna myvi baru lel -_-

 anak buah gua. wani. entering "terrible two" age. such a menace

kenai aku dak, nak duit raya, cilaka

#20ManDotoRaya

cerita semalam. event tuk budak2 doto dgn @twt_doto. and i am now retired from any competitive or any casual gaming and this time, (dah berapa kali this time) for good. due to my arm condition and some other few things, yeah...i think this is for good..

thank you for coming. tak mudah nak organize and make actually come to the event. jauh2. penang, johor, melaka. to be here and play some dota with baju raya on? priceless. and nak buat benda ni pon makan hati.

bonds broken, things happens, just to realize and actually run this event. and i think this is it for now. next project wud be bbq at pd's. or probably family day in pangkor, and fad's wedding late in december.

good day :)

 the whole crew

 my broken team - rahimi wants to be carry (GPM 400, tier 3 carry player) carl (faggot support who can play mid lane but choose to support), not in pic : sheikh (sigh, no comment), half-boiled carry/mid fik, and theres me, the captain, with bad arm.

 definitely had fun face.jpg.

ma boys.

i do, i do, i do

i do. i do. i do.

are we talking? do we have a deal?

riptide

lady, running down to the riptide,
taken away to the dark side,
i wanna be ur left hand man.

i love u when ur singing that song,
and i got a lump in my throat,
coz ur gonna sing the words wrong.

oh and they come unstuck...

p/s : thank you

p/s 2 : u get well soon.

p/s 3 : lets forget bout it < 33333

hey

back in my own fortress. was kinda early. expecting lepas isyak tapi before magrib pula gerak. terlaju pula. 930 dah sampai.

tak larat nak unpack. and hey, guess what, ai sudah ada kipas meja! huahauhwauhaua takde la peluh mcm nak gila tiap malam.

and guess what again? i miss my own toilet. yes. toilet duduk. so releaving bila berak guna toilet duduk. 9 hari guna toilet duduk betul2 mencabar jiwa. dgn tangan cacat nya, dengan ritu punya ulcer tak properly heal lg. feels like guts bladders and whatever inside mcm kena rip apart bila meneran. siksa..so...selama 9 hari tu la minimizekan penghasilan tahi-tahi comel serta pengambilan makanan agar tidak kerap ke bilik air.

home, safe n sound.
banyak sebenarnya nak update lagi but for now i think i am going to sleep. fix my sleeping time table before i get back to work in few days time.

ja!