i have been working straight up this month. the only break i had is on raya haji and the next 2 days. im tired. i need to recharge. i want to be heard. i want people to ask me how are u? etcs. but all im getting is nothing. not even a single care was given. emotionally and physically.

i think its best for me to change my policy. the less i know, the less i got involved, the less problem or the less problem or things i shud care about. all i needed to care is about myself. at least.

being in love turns me weak. it turns me from something solid to a little girl. want this need that scream here scream there. this is wrong. it shudnt or not supposed to turn me like this but i cant help it.

help me find myself back. guide me.


i feel ignored. i feel abandoned. i feel lonely. i wonder why these kind of feelings surrounds me. im easily bored. not like what it used to be few months back. i know i shud write this in my another private blog but it cant be help.

i wonder why. where does it goes. the excitement. the mysteries. the momentum. the feeling. love itself. we used to do name calling or at least endearment to each other but not now. all we both are getting is "ok". "buat apa" and stuffs.

things like "hows ur day", "what do u learn today", "what did u do today" is no longer there. i barely feel the presence of anything like that anymore. i dont know who to blame. issit me? issit u? issit me who needed the attention the most. or its no longer there. i dont know. im completely lost.

sometimes i do feel insecure. watching u talking with bunch of smart ass guy. getting into my nerve. i guess its only natural that i got pissed because watching those guys acting smart n talking to u. or its either me who was the source of the problem since the beginning. that dude mean no harm. but i take that seriously. IDK. IDK.

maybe all i do all these time is submitting. and submitting and submitting until there was nothing more of me to offer. i have no more value. i spend all of my value until there is none left on me to keep u attracted to me anymore.

it is only 7 months and its already this dull. and im finding a way to make this interesting and addicted just like it used to be.

i think i am going to take down my social networking accounts as soon as possible. and live it with for the rest of my life.

life facts

Life is more than money 
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls 
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And roto-tom fills
Life's more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings
End up in wills we got information in the information age
But do we know what life is 
Outside of our convenient Lexus cages


its good to be back.

its good to be back on track. didnt take long before i start to realize things didnt are not to bad. thru hardship i learn to appreciate things, and people to appreciate me.

i also learn that there is still hope, and the sun will still shine after all things has been done and told. and i learn to let go. soon the darkest moment will pass, and there will light in the end

i learn to pick myself up. pick everybody else up.

i am going to get back to u. wait for me

things slowly getting back to the way it was. and i had these series of dreams. 
i saw myself chasing shadows. shadows of u. 

empty bed. denting.

i know i am no in position to win anything. i just can only hope.