walk the talk

people.they more talk-driven.
instead of just plain talk,

how about you walk the talk.

they just know to say

"oh thats not the right thing to do"
"oh pity you"
"thats not fair"

tell me, what do you guys fighting for?

does being normal makes you feel that you're getting all the rights for yourself?

until you open your eyes, that is the moment the "chain of stupidness" and "protection bubbles" malfunctioning.


i never knew

i never knew that it was so harsh on my body.

em.if im going to lose my voice forever.

so then be it.

i've nothing to regret since i've talk too much.


do you what it takes?

haha i did.and i pass.
this is how i spend my weekend alone in the mall.

im fine being alone tho.

mc donald.

today i didnt eat anything.since i woke up at 4. and its a public holiday.and then i was stuck at home with no transport.like always its has been raining these 2-3 days back. and i was so fuckin hungry.

for this past week. like usual there is nothing to eat since my mom doesnt cook anything at all. and since i had no method of getting out from the house i spend my time watching korean dramas. until around 3 am just now i went to mc donald to have some meal.

alone. in the wilderness of the night ahaha.

yeah and i saw this chinese family. right there infront of me. the family is having mc donald in the midst of the sunday morning. and the "harmony" aura from the chinese family getting into my "alone" aura.

and there i stood.and my mind went out..searching for a memory..

and i ask myself a question.

"when is the last time my family had mc donald together?"

i try to dig in. trying to remember every fast food that dad or mom has bought for me and for the family. i found nothing. there hasnt any moment i could remember. i was sure there was none. right.

i could not finish this writings right now. i dont know why.


info for everybody

uterus is the core of justice in this world.

u cant stop uterus from rulling you since you were a baby and until the day you will die.


fill in the form

i want an opposite gender for me as a good friend which consist :

-a friend that i could express anything
-a friend that willing to share anything
-a friend that would go out with me and have lunch
-a friend that would go out and watch a movie with me
-a friend that travel to where i travel
-a friendship that never cross the borderline the beyond friend limit
-a person who can talk freely/informally : addressing, calling names,talk about anything without having any feeling in it.

if you got what it takes just to become my friend.please fill in the form/send up ur resume in the comment box below.

how to?

i wanna dump somebody.

help me with the procedure?

its the 1st time for me.

and yes.

i am single.

and moving on with 3 broken relationship

and now

atau dengan bahasa kasarnya " hati gua ni meronta sakit sbb awek-awek gua tak penah nak paham perasaan gua"

"sbb mereka tak paham perasaan gua sbb diorang ni tak penah rasa susah dalam hidup.penah ada parents yg tak function mcm parents?"

kalau gua senyap gua tak layan lu, kalau gua layan nnt gua maki lu, lu tak boleh biar gua relax ke satu hari?

mesti ke 24 jam msg? mesti ke 24 jam nak facebook.

gua ada keje gua la nak buat. apa lu takde life ke? lain la kalau gua dah jadi laki lu.

relax la bai,jangan gopoh.

hati gua ni dah hancur ntah berapa juta kali mcm lagu 150 juta kali tu.sakai punya lagu.
apa babi ni?

my hari raya

as usual,the night before raya.everybody was busy with house chores and etc2.

while im busy working.

but there is one thing i want to comment about.

"if you are too lazy to clean your own house,your own mess and your own fault,next time :

a) please do not make the house dirty and messy
b) please hire a maid to do the chores
c) please do not use the "mouth" while you're doing the chores and

there is always the final choice which is ;

d) do not clean at all.leave it to the state it is.and yes.definitely do not celebrate raya.

mom, im tired.and i know so do you. but there is 3 person in the house that didnt work up to late times like me.

there's yaya. there's celi.and lokman too.
but dont u think it is not fair just to yell out your anger on me? im just saying "is there any food left for me", and gives you the right to go WTF on me mom?

thats not fair.really.
im hurt.

although you didnt buy me new clothing,either new sandals, or new songkok.i dont mind mom.
i dont mind. i just need the "feeling" to celebrate raya with my own family peacefully.without yelling and so.

im a bit sad.but really i dont mind.enough just to see my brothers and sister wear new things.
then there is dad.

can you believe it, he almost didnt talk to me since last march for no reason. actually it started long time before.since before my SPM days.maybe the exact time is around PMR. i dont really know what is his problem is. but yeah. it saddens me that i couldnt have a NORMAL chat with my own old man. my own dad. even having meals together. dinner? lunch? yeah.

in addition, to my sadness. he can normally talk to my two younger brothers. like normal people. like a dad. but not with me. during my college time also. you both never ask, ever ask about my well-being. simple questions like have you eaten son, we'll come to visit you, hows your study.
still i dont mind. im strong mom. im strong dad.

but this ramadhan really, really crossed my heart and shattered it. im having my meal alone in the room. sometimes alone in the office. what? am i do not exist in front of you eh dad? im a big disgrace for you?

there really a bunch of things that i wanna said to you.since my school era. you never ever give me anything if i do well in school, or score number 1, or join any competition. all you do is keep on scolding me. STUDY, STUDY, STUDY and whack here and there. holiday trip? dont ask. buy me handphone? no and NONE. gadgets? eternally NONE.

thats why this year's RAYA, i dont feel like raya.really im tired with all of these. and mom. i just sleep that day on 4 am. and you wake me up hellishly at 7 am with your yellings. and telling things like " macam ni kau tak payah raya"

duh.i know its raya.and i know my responsibility getting up and get ready. but dont you think that is too much. you didnt prepared anything for me yet you still saying like that. mom, i had a heart too. im tired too. its not all about you in the house. everybody is doing their jobs in this house and the only reason you acted like that is because you didnt see it. you didnt see it because you yourself did not want to see it happening . all you complain is about only you working, only you tired.

cmon mom, you work from 8 am to 11 am. and comming home 12 pm. and you keep complaining tired tired tired. im working long hours. yeah i know you're old. but there is always people older and doing harder work than you. dont you think you're overated? and a little bit selfish to others.

and for all of these reasons, i acted like that during the 1st day of raya. i keep on sleeping till i realized that you guys gone and yet comeback yesterday. still im kinda sad. and im trying to get my raya happiness with my buddies. i only obtain happiness of being a family with them. but not with you guys.

i've been holding this questions and hatred feeling for a long long time. and now i could not sleep. its been 2 hours since i try to sleep and i keep on looping on this topic in my mind for hours and hours.

i wanna sleep.i wanna be normal. i dont want anything from you guys. no not money. no not love. i just want you guys to acknowledge me as your child. be proud with me for what i've done. i know i've been wasting money. but i did what you guys want. i did enter university. i did get my degree. what else do you want? a big house? expensive cars? a lot of money?

if this continues to go on. i might not be able to mend my heart anymore. its been corrupted with you guys lack of parenting issues within your children. im sad you guys. cant you guys see in my eyes. or im just a professional actor. i try to open my mouth. but did you guys ever gave me any chance to do so?

im not being selfish. im just saying my feelings. please read 1st before you guys decide to label me as what. i dont mind.

and im writing this for myself too. i dont ever want to be like you guys. i wanna be an awesome dad.and awesome grandad.and super awesome grand grand dad.

nobody wanted to listen to me.


selamat hari raya

maybe im too late to wish..or maybe im not too late to with to you guys..

selamat hari raya aidilfitri.
maaf zahir dan batin.

p/s : its been a while since i jolt down here in the blog due to my tight schedule.im sorry.

sharing thoughts

watch this

and ask ourself.one question.

what's going on :)

im here to talk

maybe im not a politician.maybe im not a good citizen.and maybe.i am not a hero for my own race.

malays? chinese? indians? bumiputra?

racist everywhere.yeah.this thing will not,will be not,wont be,like forever,and ever.and ever settled.

siti inshah insults the chinese people,namewee insults too.cant u see the chains of hatred here?

to namewee, in ur video clip "nah".u says that "sapa cakap orang melayu kena puasa"
and i wud like to say "why buddha kena makan oren"

do u ever learn about islam? no.
do i know why buddha likes oranges? no i dont.

is this u call step up and show ur opinion? no i dont think so.

to siti inshah, does ur saing reflects urself as a teacher? no i dont fucking DO.
and i wud like to say "ur fucking old to become a principle"

is this how u treat people? students mainly?

government needs to do something about this.really.namewee has been forgiven once.but this? before this he did insult tnb.tu la pandai sangat belajar kat taiwan.anything about engineering pun tak tau.pandai blame je.bijak.

ISA needs to be enforced.biar org nak kata apa.there is a need that one SOLID POWER in malaysia to be organized.no matter what race,what rank,what kind of people are u.and this SOLID POWER DOESNT NEED to be affected by anything or anyone.

im so fucking sick living in malaysia.most malays i meet doesnt ever feel grateful with what they been having for so long time.just watch uitm.see what they have become.

i myself competing since my high school.with all of the chinese indians.and made several good bonds with them.better then the people i knew in uitm.i feel ashamed sometimes.why are they acting like this.

so malays.open up ur eyes.please.
and the chinese, i dont think that u guys alone made malaysia is malaysia today.go learn some history 1st.insult the race,its okay,when it comes to religion.thats not ok.thats globally insulting.

p/s : well,malaysian shud be lucky.cause im not one of the minister here.and if ..i got selected..these scenarios will change..

several ways to die trying

went to kl last friday with wan n mamat.haha actually went there to pick sani up.since dia taknak balik, so jadinya pegi tangan kosong,balik tangan kosong.

went to ikano for croc warehouse sale.mamat says they sell original and pirated ones.er me? i dont care kot.footware,dresses and style isnt my needs.im all okay with what im wearing.im fine.

watch step up 3 in cineplex.i sleep half way due to extreme tiredness since i've been working and didnt have proper sleep.after that went to rasta ttdi for berbuka puasa.i've lost all my might after that.hearing sani wanna buy us karoke,so we drove to mid valley.but then bila pergi mid valley dia cakap suruh pegi mines pulak..celaka hahah.

so we went to mines.then dia sampai.instead of he paying,he ask us for rm 10.hahah what??? celaka camni dia buat.i didnt heal yet.my voice.teruk.we sing about for 2 hours.then we straight go hack to cyberjaya.hantar kawan dia balik.

ohh wait before pegi cyber we lepak @ andalus for some shisha.i met my fellow KCR clanmates.meet the clan lord amin.

and so the picture goes down here.

and now.i just wake up from a deep sleep since 9.30 pm.i feel fresh.i need to stop being abnormal.i will repair this.i will.


paeh,milo & amin

black,arip & fai

Malaysian Version of Aidilfitri

There’s one thing unique about Malaysians: we’re able to aggravate everything & anything. We tend to re-culture ourselves with a our own version of religion/cult, politics, tradition, etc. This sort of evolution & progress, if I may, shows how creative we Malaysians really are.

Let’s look at Hari Raya Aidilfitri & how we Malaysian Muslims exaggerate & aggravate the festive.

Aidilfitri is like the winning race day, the celebration day for us Muslims after one month of fasting. We fast for a reason: to understand the feelings of desperation & of the poor. If we survive this ordeal, we should be able to make our conclusion that there are people out there who suffer & go thru life worse than us. With this in mind, we should be thankful with what we have.

But sadly, that’s not the case for some Malaysian Muslims.

I’m ashamed to see that there’s a big number Malaysian Muslims who does not take the month of Ramadhan seriously. They skipped a day of fast, or worse they totally skipped the whole 30 days. I’m not perfect either, there were days that I skipped fasting when I start to feel really really desperate, whether I was too thirsty or too hungry. When I start to indulged myself, the feeling of guilt comes by in a flash & I start to wonder if this was the right thing to do (not fasting, i mean). Being a moderate & flexible religion, in Islam, if you skipped a day, there are ways for you to pay back that debt you have with God. And it is between you & God.

Then comes Aidilfitri, which falls on the 1st day of Syawal. We celebrate the success of our test. We celebrate the meaning of life. We celebrate the meaning of togetherness. There are certain activities, so to speak, in the celebration of Aidilfitri which doesn’t exists in the core of Islam. But being Malaysians, we just do whatever we like… (sing to tune of T.I)

  1. Duit raya. The act of giving duit raya doesn’t really exist in Islam at the core. This act was copied from another celebration, Chinese New Year. Yes, we Muslims shouldbersedekah, I agree. But as usual, we Malaysians put that concept one up to another level. Now, it has become an act to train our children to be beggars, golddiggers & worst of all, to love greed. Kids nowadays are not thankful for the gift of duit raya, theydemand for it.
  2. Baju raya. In Islam, it is a sunnah (an option for a good cause) for us to wear beautiful & new clothes on the 1st day of Syawal. It’s a sunnah in Islam, but a culture in Malaysia. I’d like to call it the Raya Fashion Show. Glitter here, bling bling there. Most of us forget that one of the teachings of Ramadhan is for us to know how to be frugal. But no, not for us Malaysians. It’s like a one big Malaysian Top Raya Model competition. And to make it worse, we overspend.
  3. Bulan raya. Malaysians celebrates Aidilfitri for a month. In truth, Aidilfitri is meant to be celebrated on the 1st day of Syawal only. But we celebrate it for a month. Wow. Seriously wow. Of course, the month of Syawal lasts for 30 days & by our Malaysian way of logic thinking, Aidilfitri is automatically celebrated for 30 days. Truthfully, this is one hype I really despise as this festive has been commercialised to the extend that we Malaysians accept that is the way to celebrate Hari Raya.

There are lot of weird things that doesn’t exist in Islam regarding celebration of Aidilfitri, but these are the top 3 that I think requires a lot of re-thinking in our part as Malaysian Muslims. Think about changing ourselves first before you start thinking to change other people.

Don’t believe the hype.

kudos/courtesy to : mr buyot