another dota ramblings.

i have been playing dota and involved with dota since i was 15 years old. i have been playing under alot of teams (amateur-semi pro) for a very long period of time, from being a core role to support, captain and coach back and forth and now i am playing with a new team (meet joe black) in some sort of amateur-semi pro tournaments and league. currently won a wildcard place in #TJLANPARTY3 and hoping we could get into the lan finals in august

besides that, i am also working as an admin for twt_dota malaysia, and currently doing a few projects with esports malaysia back to back, organized a lot of official and unofficial dota tournaments and leagues, a newbie/newcomer caster in the scene and part time dota-analyst of my own.

dota have evolved into something new that even i, an old timer have problem digesting their new meta-plays and strategy. and new comers these days, those youngster could easily bring u down with their aggressive plays. and dota is going global. look at the internationals. entering its 5th time. and the current prize pool right now is around 15 million. how can u say no to this?

knowing that my time and era is almost over, i always want to do something to help esports (personally dota) to bloom in our country. that is one of the reason why i started twt_dota. and with the establishment of esm (esportsmalaysia), i hope we could achieve this dream.

theres not much i could offer and do besides my time and experience playing/handling dota events n related things. but the reason why i am writing this is because i want to say that i am going to slow down and focus in my career. i know its has been a few times before i announce my retirement. from taking down my own offical account and such, and again with a comeback, and another announcement blablabla, and dont take this wrong, retiring - doesnt mean that i will stop playing dota n stop getting myself involved in any area/aspects of dota. its just i want to slow down and focus on other things. and partly because of my career/day job. my supervisor knows about my involvement with these dota thingy and few more afterwork activities and he gave me few advice. maybe he wants me to reconsider my involvement in dota. which one is more important. more or less likely,  yes i admit, my involvement affects my performance at work. sleeping late night, waking up early, loss of focus. lack of involvement in the office. and few more other things.

twt_dota and tjlanparty is now being passed on to new faces, and meet joe black will be disbanded after tjlanparty3. idk if they are going to stay together and find a replacement for me. but yeah. this is my 1st time joining and playing with new faces and not bad actually. switching my role from mid to offlane gives me new perspective about the game and change the way i approach the game as a whole. i started reading on the discussions (patch updates), watch a lot of vods, replays, study about cm games in depth. just like a football whos managing epl teams does. yes, it is that serious.

and i planned to gradually slowing and minimizing myself in dota after both tjlanparty3 and the international 5. slowly, finding a replacement to take my place and train them so they can continue what have i started long ago. yeap. i think, this is it. this is where i stop.

the best of me

i could forget your name
i could forget your face forever
i could forget about the smile you always faked
the one you thought I bought, but never

i could forget your lies
i could forget to hide for always
i could forget how desperately you tried
flattery would get you nowhere
i could forget how you had tried to get the best of me

i could forget your pride
i could forget your wandering eyes
i could forget about the way you made me feel
you talk to me so condescending
i could forget how you had tried to get the best of me

you'll never forget that you never got me

self reflect

its been a while. and maybe its time to reset the course. and maybe somehow..someday..ah nevermind.

if its not too much to ask. just let me sink in the peaceful times forever.