figures, literally, figures

figured out that i want to start collecting dragon ball figures since a friend of my dah jadi personal shopper selalu ulang alik ke jepun. and lately i pickup a new habit, membaca pinterest, cam syok gak buat bilik ni. banyak juga DIY deco yg aku minat.

since sabtu dgn ahad dah tak kerja, plannya is nak buat something tuk isi masa lapang. i have spent so many year kerja weekend, lepas tu sekali dah tak kerja pening juga dibuatnya. kosong rasa. slow start, for now aku settlekan benda2 remeh

heres my collection of dem figures

final kamehameha vegito

nameck freeza

vegeta & goku

nameck battle showdown.

the plan is nak buat shelf-diy. and susun all of the figures, tapi tu la. nak pindah rumah juga by the end of this year. so hold dulu. sambil tengok mana satu setup yang aku minat. so much idea going on. next in the list, gonna get ssj blue goku & ssj gogeta. maybe boleh include dlm next year punya plan. pegi jepon and get all of these damn figures myself instead order dari orang 😆


for once, today, and so many many years. i think, that i want to stop writing about all of the bad things that been happening around me lately. its depressing. its like writing a journey to my own downfall. for the world to see. and to be laugh at. enough twitter lol.


neway. fuck it.

heres malaysia's 1st dota MAJOR ever. the Kuala Lumpur Major. this time, a major in the center of KL. unlike previous esl one tournaments that took place in Genting Highland. this time it was endorse by the ministry and stuffs, yay pakatan harapan for this. ofc PGL is the organizer and along the way - eGG, kbs, mdec, imbatv blah blah blah.

its cool. since dekat tengah kl so ppl can come and watch. 1st thing i thought, semaklah. cus all kind of people pon boleh datang. but thats fine dont mind me i hate people generally. event is overall, okay. and heres are the thing that im gonna say sepanjang 3 hari kat situ.

*inserts pointless ramblings*

all good. on time. cuma ada satu hari tu delay till 11 something sbb semua game full 3 game. understandable considering competing teams pon tryhard haha. good matches sebenarnya. true fan je would stay till all the matches habis. boleh tengok crowd build from day 1, sampai day 3 full house. kudos to SEA dota fans specially the one yg turun for this KL Major. shows that SEA got that potential to host world class events like what syed saddiq said (he just want the profits/being KJ - populist) again never mind bout my view on him since i hate people equally and generally.  twt_dota did ask him few questions and like always he didnt have any answer for that.

"why do we need the gov support now. sedangkan we are the for so long, no one noticed it" (not in a bad way, just want to clarify things, its good to have governing agencies [who dedicated to help, not to take profit away, we dont need another esm] to help ease up/support/endorsed gamer and gaming industries as a whole).

and he didnt anwser that question, but the egg dude masuk and was like poyo2, esports bla bla bla, jawab from his business view (which is boring, and pointless kalau argue bcos he didnt even realize that without players, theres no scene, when theres no scene, theres no business.)

in my opinion, take care of the gamers, and players in the industries. get to know them. collect them. build a database. give them recognition. and after that, barulah masuk all of those plannings/helps. bukan just kata "we got 10mil yo for esports lets do summore tourneys and git muney")

no not like that. build if from the ground. its already there, just help them, secure things for them. acts/law that protect industry players. since we had bad start towards esports - a lot of failures, AGES, MAS, Red Bull Coloseum, and the latest one, ANSARA ESPORTS.

i dont wanna add salt into open wounds. tbh ANSARA ESPORTS is the good guy. but they had the wrong good guy, doing thing which isnt in his abilities. they had it all, name, resources, but they failed in the end bcos no one actually understand/have the experience in esports generally. just like syed saddiq, they too, are eager. put them selves up so high wanting this and that.

there is a need for kbs to act and start revamping ESM malaysia. kick whoever left inside, pick someone whos from the industries, to help outside people understand and learn a thing or two about esports. working together. one from the gaming side, one from the management side. tak cukup persatuan esports negeri sahaja. esports needed to grow. bukan terus farm the money right away.

i have tons, tons of idea on how to improve esports locally. and then boleh bawa ke peringkat lagi besar. i believe others pun ada juga. twt_dota. KD2M Malaysia, Esukan. so many to list.

ok enuf sampai situ. ha F&B. it sucks that u have to actually jalan jauh beratur inside n outside to get foods. they shud ada station grab n go. so kurang sikit beratur, lessen the traffic. dah la food truck 3 ketul je apa benda orang line up sampai 2 jam. sungguh tidak praktikal. makanan baru. how about signing. tempat signing tak proper. beratur caca-merba. orang tiket mahal kena line up sama-sama dengan orang tiket murah. even media pon kena beratur sama-sama dgn all of these people. during press conference too. my god.

and yes ofc obviously yang paling teruk media. sangat. its like the major is catered towards egg je. unlike esl one, esl one punya media layanan is the best. ada designated players lounge, sebelah dgn media room where media can bila2 masa tanya or buat coverage, sambil tulis artikel or update whatever thing they need to do. they even provide foods, wifis, tv room so we can watch sambil buat kerja and so much more private session with the players and whats not. in kl major, we just duduk area media, buka laptop, and takde apa specific instruction what to do, takde private Q&A sesh, refeshments pun day 2 baru ada tu pon air sahaja. tak demand, but ya know, treat your guest properly?? we media have to beratur, have to berebut seat, time tu la interview time tu la orang keluar dari stadium time tu la sapa2 semua boleh masuk. smh.

but overall, okay. kalau datang tengok. kalau datang cover event, sakit hati. at least apologize. i dowanna sentuh bab lain cus i think semua boleh resolved/elak. ada downtime which shdnt happen but you know, things happen juga in the end.

*rants ends here*

its already 131 right now, i think im done typing stuffs here. so...enjoy. heres some pic of the events w/ captions.

heres your klmajor champ, Virtus Pro.

me and my boys. not in the pic - jerol, kemal, putih & hana

me n my twt_dota crews

me with the old kcr boys.

the stage, atmosphere, the energy. and ofc it was from my super note 8 camera. haha

early monday musing, at 1 am

i have come to the term where i accept whatever is happening around me is bcos its bound to happen. instead of tryna find my way out, im just gonna go with it. work suck. for the time being.

had a pretty good rest this weekend. been laying low, staying in doors. did a lot of thinking on my own. maybe i just need a break from my own routine, which i created just to keep my day occupied. and my mind and action were on autopilot for so long. i think im gonna start breaking my sleeping pattern which is pretty unhealthy considering the nature of my work last time and the buildup started when im in college. ultimately, when u reset your start, you'll need to adjust your new timing accordingly.

anyway, do you guys watch destination wedding? starring keanu reeves and winona ryder. probably the best rom-com movie throughout 2018. its about frank (keanu reeves) and lindsay (winona) who met accidentally during their trip to kevin's wedding somewhere. frank is kevin's half brother, meanwhile lindsay is his ex fiancee. not gonna spoil the movie, just go watch!

and right, heres of my stats now in RPG format:


lvl : 31
health : 1500/1800
energy : 500/1000
class : telecommunication officer rank 4
money : $-2475.92
str : 87
vit : 96
dex : 54
agi : 44
int : 72
luk : 4
cons : 53
spc : 34

moral state : bitter
mental state : taking it well, prone to relapse

P/s : i waste so much time on pinterest lately. send help

send help


i didnt think i'll lived up until today. a lot of things happened.

a lot

each day im struggling. trying to grab whatever thing i can cling on to. pride? gone. ego? gone. probably the greatest obstacle im facing as a grown ass man. 31.

can u imagine? 30 fuckin 1. smokin aces. kicking asses.

anyway i've drafted a few post during my "lost" times. depends on whether it is appropriate to be posted or maybe needed some proofreading. R rated stuffs.

ok. time to sleep. good night. stay safe.

pre-raya after post-raya post.

lunch hour right now. and i dont feel like having lunch. had brunch and maybe thats why. ramadhan ended. wasnt the very pleasant ramadhan experience this time. due to my stomach condition. cant no longer enjoy normal chowdown lepas azan. minum segelas, kuih 2-3 ketul and thats it. just to startup perut so dia boleh digest. then selang dua jam baru boleh makan nasi, air 2 gelas. 

sahur are even worst. nasi tak boleh makan more than 2 senduk, cus nanti perut keras kaw2. air pun. before makan have to pop 2 pills, satu gastric satu angin, and lepas makan kena rehat sejam sebelom 2 sudu gaviscon. and perut akan keras for at least setengah hari or sampai la dapat sendawa. siksa ~_~

neway, less in 10 days ima go thru laparscopy procedur. to repair my goddamn stomach. hopefully boleh baik cepat without any complication. banyak benda nak kena cutoff n direhatkan sepanjang tempoh recovery dan harapnya taklah aku hilang akal. shit

caught up.

i have been missing. i know. please dont get angry. life swallowed me whole. i do come here occasionally and write something but it were never posted. probably it was written badly. on 2nd thoughts, do people really read my blog anyway?

2 months. besides crazy workload/juggling between things. losing every bit of my mind here n there, battling depression (LMAO) and not to forget enjoying my time, everything is doing quite well. i cant say it suck, but it sure does have its ups and lows. balance. ok enuf quick recap.

its the holy month of ramadhan. and i have some issues, which is not really an issue. its just from my observation and daily life encounter. i cant help myself from wondering why some parents, fail to use their brains. why bring kids (babies) to bazar ramadhan/jalan TAR. i've made fb stats bout this only to get some roast from "parents"

"kau tak ada anak kau mana tau"
"ada ke rule tak boleh bawak stroller pegi bazar"
"orang gemuk tak boleh pegi bazar jugak la gitu"
"some parenting tip from someone reads too much book, and tiberrrr dia nak merentan suruh jangan compare/judge camne parents raise anak just because they have no other choice"

you have to remember, its basic common sense. babies + crowded places. tempat orang jual makan, buang leftovers, bakar2 this and that.

do i need to elaborate more? do i? and it got heated somehow on my fb. dude think he can troll the retired internet troll king. lmao.  annoying tahu? dgn strollernya, kalau boleh semua benda dia nak singgah dan beli, letak dalam stroller, naik turun naik turun, bawak lagi anak2 kecik lain, dgn padatnya tak boleh gerak. muh gawd. i was pissed. penat2 balik keje, kena pulak mcm ni. man fuck you.

and thats, that. for now.


i dont know where have i been for the last 2 months. feels like someone else is living my life as me, as i watch myself going thru its routine. trapped inside following orders. and i only realized that in the last week.

the struggle is real. trying to break the routine cycle is exhausting. but at some point i know i had to break it bcos it is swallowing me whole. i was under pressure due to work. not to mention overworked. 19 days before i had my 1st off day. my stress level - indigestion problem. i had it checked last week. it aint pretty. i have to undergo minor surgery to fix my stomach valve, bcos the valve cant no longer function properly by closing so the acid from yer stomach cant reach yer esophagus resulting - constant heartburn and bitter taste. yadda yadda yadda - gassy stomach, indigestion "perut tak sedap badan". gaviscon is my best friend. 2 sudu pagi, 2 sudu malam. makan on time was the biggest challenge. i had my routine fix when i was in lombok, but right after lombok, the cycle restarts. currently trying to eat on time. will try my best.

i think i let hatred and anger a little too much of control. i hate people around me. i hate everyone around me. supposedly you keep that anger and hatred at its finest - where it would help you go thru your days, and when the hatred and anger is too strong, you'll get burned down along with it. its more than you can handle. i should keep on focusing myself. no matter how pissed i am, no matter how tired, get up. for me to last this long, i think i am one strong bad-ass motherfucker. i dont suffer from demotivation, or let alone depression. just, loneliness. something i gotta live with, by choosing this kind of life.

i choose this. i know the consequences. but at times its just overwhelming. something that i have been taught with. to get something, one must be willing to sacrifice something, in return. i guess its all coming back to me now.

helo, twendyeiteen

yardikno wuts up.

yeap u heard me. holiday's ended. means we gotta pack all of our shit up, and suck it cus its time to be a functioning, depressing adults with god knows what kind of demon we keep inside. i only worked 15 days on dec and the rest is history.

oh ye. i opened up a studio. esports studio, to be precise. remember when i said "one way, i would like to open up my own broadcast studio" and yeah it happen. not really a studio but yeah it kinda feel like studio. we kicked it off with ESL Genting quals and had quite a good run despite some technical issues (copy right, broadcasting privileges) and the real work begin like right now. gotta lobby the ESL Genting in 23 days, and whatever happen, happens. no ragrets. for the time being, its named TD studios, TD - twtdota and would probably rename it to Supercede or something.

here comes of the studio pics :

nice eh? cost a lot. hopefully after this coming ESL, sponsorship will come. and that would help a lot for progress.

and the rest is what i have been doing during december :

went to pd with the boys. kinda need the vitamin sea treatment. was last minute and i only get to chill at glory beach instead of langkawi and shit. probably the last trip with doto boys since they were all not up to it and it took very last minute to handle things. ha! i book the apartment at agoda, and it were not as advertised. supposedly i booked 1 apartment with 3 rooms and free breakfast, but what i got is apartment with 2 rooms, no breakfast and i cant even get additional bed because the aparement is belong to someone. not tied with the hotel. i was like wth? kinda pissed. and this place sucks. not like it were used to be 3-4 years ago.

tufah's, ferd's and syed's wedding:

me & falah at tufah's wedding in shalam.

the boys in BP.  familiar faces right?

ferd's wedding. KCR member. dalam ramai2 ni je datang 

geng manjong turun wedding syed. 

look like everybody's getting married. kinda feel the pressure but i dont think i am ready for it. financially, mentally. i find myself kinda used of being single. sure i do felt lonely at sometimes, but its been a while since i see anyone on regular basis. to have a partner is kinda nice. even better, a lover. but at the same time i am not looking for one. i dont know how to say this, but simply put, i would like to try again. because to have someone to share things with is kinda special. wonderful. and awesome. 

cringe. cringe af. 

neway, happy new year and theres a lot to look forward to. and room for improvements. may everybody become wiser, healthier and have prosperous 2018 ahead.