fade in to me

923 am. here i am. in the office. writing and preparing  support docs and going to submit my application to relocate. im a mess right now. i just wanna go away and avoid everybody. all i wanna do now is to find peace. dont care where and how. im done doing things here

im hurt. badly. body. mind. soul. i've throw my pride away. not for nothing. for something i believe in strongly. which i put all of my trust in, all my heart to. i dont possess anything left in me. i waste it all. but i still believe. i want to believe.

im sorry if i did really hurt u that much. i didnt meant to. i didnt realized that my actions, or my words, is hurting u in anyway possible.

people always said that "we always hurt the people we love". i disagree. it is "we always got hurt by the people we love".

maybe the only regrets that im having now is i didnt do enuf. i fought for the relationship. i go against all odds. time differences. distance. beliefs. in every way possible. still, i didnt do and keep up the good job till i lose u. i know i am brave enuf to give it all. sacrificing myself in everysingle way possible.


i am over doing myself right now. demam. and both my eyeballs is hurting. i dont know how long i can take this before i break.

i think i'll go away after kalap departs to taiwan next week. and if u guys miss me, im here.

to #teamselalubetul u guys are the best.

to #celakaparty members. thanks guys. u guys makes me feel welcomed here. thanks for those memories i would never forget ever.

and im sorry if i missed mentioning anybody here. shoutout goes to all of u.

to ucu, im sorry if i offend u in facebook few days ago. didnt know ur taking that seriously. my bad.

right. happy new year. stay safe.

im outta here :)

p/s : currently im using whatsapps/viber/line for pc. fone went dead. wait till next month, going to get myself new phone.

p/s 2 : please take not that im no longer use my maxis number. the number is dead. my mom is using the fone. its almost 1 month since i last use that number.

9.46 am. signing out!


"the best revenge is to be happy"

- Luna K


"i'll be just fine, pretending im not, i far from lonely and its all that i've got"

- bert mckracken


habis sudah cuti seminggu. takde buat apa2 yg significant. sekadar tidur dan satu dua benda besar sahaja. tak banyak benda nak diceritakan. boleh kata, hampir semua aktiviti harian dan nilai diri aku jaja di laman sesawang twitter. yg bangga, yg cela. yg wangi yg busuk. hamburkan saja disana. canang saja jasa disana. tabur budi dan bakti disana.

manakala cacatan memori dan perjalanan disini makin aku pinggir dan lupakan. alasannya - tiada masa. sukar menulis coretan perjalanan hidup di atas fon. tandus idea katanya. mana tak datang tandusnya idea. sudah kau buang satu persatu, selang sesaat kau hamburkan semuanya disana.

. . .

oh ya. terima kasih kepada rakan2 yg wish happy birthday tempoh hari dgn pelbagai ucapan aneh dan tak juga mendoakan kesejahteraan dan kesihatan diri ini. bertambah sudah umur. tapi masaknya tentang kehidupan masih tak nampak2. dikatanya matang. pemikir. revolutionaire. tapi sekadar kata2 gebang dan idea yang tak pernah nampak perlaksanaannya. 

dan setiap kali malam menjelma aku sukar lelapkan mata. berfikir. nak ubah. tapi...



hello. its december. cant believe time flew this fast. a lot of ups and downs within the year. happy times, bad times. hard times.

a year stronger. a year braver. a year wiser.

thats what i thought.

its december. embrace it