everybody is trying to be different. how different is that different? all i can see is difference in wearing clothes, difference in the taste of music, difference in one's hobby, difference is belong to some social group. and i keep trying to see what lies beneath these sets of differences between each and everybody. and my answer leads me to this.

to become a trendsetter, to become different from ordinary people, to attract attention. to become well-known. and of course, to look good infront of naive people

and some of you might say, "kau pun apa kurangnya, tulis topic mcm ni" and hello, this is a private blog, not a public one, so i am disclosing this issue in my own yard and space and obviously not doing a discussion among other people. and labeling them like ustaz azhar idrus and his fan does, and yeah, fuck you haters.

in other words, to view this into a very very detailed points, let me give out an example.

in music.

case 1:
common people would listen to enya.
or shud i say very common people like the malays is very familar with zainal abidin, the very own malaysia's enya.

case 2:
rare and ohsem people listens to epica, or sigur ros
or shud i say very rare and very ohsem people listens to howard shore and nightwish

my case :
good music is just good music, there is no rarity and no super awesome in it.

this is only music, not to mention clothes type, fav restaurant. bla bla bla and the list goes on. those rare people who claims to do rare and ohsem things, you people is not that rare. dont think highly about urself. ur just another person who does seek for acceptance in others people life. proving that ur just trying to be better than everyone else. u may fool and deceive the stupid ones, young kids, naive people. but u aint fooling the whole world.

look, it doesnt matter what u do, what u wear, what u listen, or where do u belong to. as long as ur humble, its okay. everybody is calling each other BBNU, and might not really aware that urself is the real BBNU.

its like the case that i really hate hijabsters while u guys hating K-POPs. the war goes on. final score, we both achieve nothing,

waste, u, us, we all.

this year, 2 of my best friend broken up their engagement. due to some stupid reason which i find that kinda rather really stupid.

lets make em short.

case 1 : the girls cheated on my friend. after 7 years of being together. they known each other since form 3. and whats make it complicated is my friend is already with another friend of mine, and he leave this girl to go to this girl who broke their engagement.

case 2 : the stupid malay culture problem, langkah bendul. i am very pissed of listening to this guy story, langkah bendul my ass, malay culture can go and suck my balls. nak kawin dgn gelfren tapi di sebabkan kakak dia tak kawin lagi, u gotta buy those things for 2 person. butoh apa culture mcm ni? yes and that girl is a syed lineage, which consist of arab and malay culture. i had this experience once.

look, to me, ini bukan soal jodoh. i mean like, ok jodoh is jodoh. and restu thinggy? duh its u who getting married and i think the blessing is coming from god, not both ur parents. i dont think this 2 cases is that hard. but people end up with their solution. which is running away from the problem. not breaking their old man's heart instead of its okay to break urs.

and this proves that love doesnt mean shit, love is just wasting time, money, energy, heart and soul. to me, parents issue if ur really2 love that person, this means nothing. redha atau tak redha, is not on their hands. morally yes, guilty as charged, but in the terms and perspective of my own opinion, this is not more than just you go againts ur parents, and religion vs culture.

i personally had experience where i spend so much during lovey dovey moments. this and that. time, energy, heart and soul. and in the end everything turns to dust. wasted. heart is broken till now. the pain is still felt till today. i cant imagine myself on being on their shoes. must be painful. everynight u'll tryna figure out how the hell u gonna sleep. what are u gonna do when u finish ur work, what to do when ur boring. whos u gonna talk to. the emptiness comes in and consume the living hell of u.

cinta sampai mati, sayang awak sangat2, when it comes to parents. BUTOH. binded and bounded by both family relations and culture, love is cheap. fucking cheap. i dont know what u guys might think. but to me, this wedding thingy i dont think that u cant handle by urself. i mean, look at u. u can manage urself. of course u can manage ur own wedding. there is no need to hold that grand event wedding of the year, there is no need to tell the whole world that ur getting married. back to basic. back to how islam marriage shud be carried out.

persetankan culture, persetankan adat, persetankan kehendak. lain lah kalau ada terminal disease, or things that is really2 fatal, i know that jodoh dan pertemuan di tangan tuhan, but at least TRY a bit before quitting, can?

i hope there is no more case like this in the future, pity my buddies, bercinta mcm nak rak berpuluh taun. in the end, mcm ni? fucking cheap girls. really. cheap ass mother fucker


amore. its an italian word for love.

and i quote : "take me as i am not one of your options if your plan is failing"

its been a while since i become a lonely wolf. i dont even know how to mingle around, and its quite awkward for me just to return txt and calls to any girls i've befriended with. i am not in the comfort zone, either a friendzone. its more to a stranger zone and "keep urself out from the distance" zone.

to this degree, i only had few female friends which can be classed into ex-classmates, officemate & ex-clanmates. which is i take them all as my male buddies. and which i feel not awkward while calling and texting because there is nothing in it. no romance, no intimation talking or discussing about hearts.

which turn me into this kind of a new level of awkwardness. i've been texting this one girl lately and its she who insist of texting. its really, really, really, awkward. i stop texting when i lose helwa few years ago. and ceased function of my phone. and this few days of getting phone calls, txt and wake up calls. look, i am not much of a flirt person or a nice-guy type. but anyway i dont that that urge, or feeling of exciting getting phone calls or txt, i took it as a burden which cause distortion to my daily life basis.

i am just me, like this. and honestly, it feels empty sometimes. and yet i can manage with the empty feeling. i dont know. i just feel like not to text, or call. or even flirting around. dont take me wrong i am not gay. actually i do have a crush, and i am not doing anything yet. not just yet. barely know each other, and maybe yes maybe not, she might been attracted to my personality or my looks, who knows. it cud be a yes/no situation which will end into another "keep urself out from that distance" zone.

i aint feeling anything for now. few buddies will get married in march, and some late in the 2012. and last time at PD gath few ask me, whos ur gf now, when to get married, u got everything already dude why not now ur already freakin 25.

i have no answer for that. i dont know what am i looking for right now and what do i want. who, where and what. but i do have answer which place that i want to settle in. i have plannings to settle down. and doing a great job towards it.

i realize that keeping a long distance relationship and maintaining it for more than 10 years consumes my creativity and my heart. its dull now just to text, the same question everyday, the same thing u will ask and the same answer to the question u will get. trust me. i know. i am one of the most creative person in my uni-days long time ago. i spice up with long distance relationship with a few games of mine and a-long-distance dating thru texting. i've done it all. and i think this is one of the factors why i am losing interest in calling n texting. i lost my youth like this. destroying my ownself and suffer the consequences today. who do i blame? u cant keep ur relationship and lost interest in mere everything. u dont feel that excitement anymore, u dont feel that urge of falling in love again. u lost ur heart and urself. and with this life right now, working days, working environment, this age, is getting really hard to get urself a partner.

and what choices do i have now? i cant score me a student girlfriend. i also cant score me a working class girlfriend. im stuck here. but i do believe there is a girl who suffers the same problem as i am. its only just a matter of where and who. yeah right. the chances of this occurring is relatively small. its like 7 case in every 67k population in a place.RARE.

look, single ladies out there. (cewah kemain syealllll) to flirt around with me its okay, i cudda read ur intention. but the question is, do u want to take it into the next level?

a friendzone? a crush? keep out of the distance zone? or marry me zone?


-#toys4kidz. and event organized by #celakaparty
-held on 21 january, pediatric unit HKL
-the event is simple, to distribute all the toys gathered by the members of twitterjaya to these unfortunate kids in HKL
- a joint event with CFC & twitterjaya (cfc is a organization who deals with complaints with communication service provider, ie : maxis, tm, celcom, digi - for consumer)
-every inch of the ward will receive soft toys, toys, balloons, begs, and a session to get along with the citizen of twitterjaya. oh there is also clown hired just to cheer up these kids.

i went in to the intensive care unit, bone marrow transfer unit, leukemia unit. its just sad. i am speechless. controlling tears is hard since its been a long time since i stop producing tears. ceh poyo la sial. really. visiting a kid who suffers 75% burn, kid diagnosed with a dead brain. kid whos been there for 5 years. its just. heartbreaking.

ask urself. "where are u when other kids asking, gasping for help?"

sibuk selama ni mendukung dakyah tolong anak2 somalia dan palestin, boikot itu ini, suruh datang HKL bagi mainan yg dah siap ada pun taknak.

binatang apa kau ni? penah tanya diri sendiri tak? 

 yaaa abam kayyum-ekk (qayyumx)

 toys for the ICU ward

 abam mekdy the birthday boy

 tekun dengar taklimat walaupun berkerusi roda

 adik aisyahhh

 i sappork ah jib gor!

 haa abam andy nak bagi adik beg

 suka betei dapat balloon

 pergh dapat adiah lupa terus

 haa bukak2

 still ah jib gorr

 sorang awi sorang awe, awi nak jadi sanji awe nak jadi shanks. ha ni abam kayumm-ek nak jadi franky (berbual one piece tadi dgn dorang, kesian lak sbb paksa diorang cakap. dah le semput guna oksigen. mih)

 adik aisyah yg taknak nyanyi. jilaka

geng2 jilaka party gua, without JC,stella,kalap and keemx, dorang smoking tadi. (p/s : hellioz666 was in this picture)

the rest pics ada di fb saya. tq


im scared today 

more than i told you i was yesterday
give me a moment to catch my breath
and hold me every second left

proud of me
thats the only way i want you to be
look at me and love
what you see

i wont make it long
i need something to be told

kiss me on my shoulder
tell me its not over
i promised to always come home to you
remind me that im older
to be brave smart, sweet and bolder
and dont give up on what we're trying to do

dont count the miles.
count the i love you's

we made it out
and all the other people asking how
this doesnt even sound like truth
to grow from a group

but one day we will realize
how hard it was
how hard we tried
and how our hearts made it out alive

and these are words
i wish you said
but that's not how it went
cause you gave up on us in the end

and i wont make it alone
i need something to hold.

kiss me on my shoulder
tell me its not over.

1st family day for - SKBP batch 1999 - post moterm .

1st of all alhamdulillah kerana di berikan kesempatan tuk aku organize benda ni. its hard really. dari mengumpulkan orang, getting confirmation from everybody, pujuk everybody, pilih date, collecting payments, asking for sponsors from each generous people. while working and managing responsibility. yup its quite hard just to call each and every of you to ask you guys to participate in this event. alhamdullilah. eventho tak la semeriah mana, this program went out well. thank you for attending.

so personally as the head of the organizer for many many many many many years. i think this one is the biggest even that i held with u guys, annually kita ada program hari raya which is setiap hari raya we will visit each other houses, jumpa cikgu and so on. but last year takde program, sbb aku kena kerja during raya and that is why this PD-Family Day program is held.

one of the objectives yg aku nak achieve dlm ni is mainly to keep the relationship among us to be like this, strengthen, long lasting. between the guys mmg dah lama. we're friends for like 2/3 of ur age. the same faces, hafiz, sani, matt, amin, agoes, wan, hafizi, fariz, raqib, syed, syafiq lebai. (some is not here and maybe lost contact). and when i do this kind of program i can keep track what are u guys punya progress. work, status, etc. projects. and not to forget those girls, ayu, izzah, syidah, hafiza, sapinah, sakdianah, pipit, enyah, syafika, ain, umairah, liyana, hajar, juhaida, juwita. etc2. (sorry for those names i missed)

and this might lead to some other projects, masing2 engineer, pioneer for big companies, teachers, some even doctors and  mana tau korang boleh join venture, or jadikan ini enterprise, berniaga, for a company aight? who knows. and aku rasa dah jadi tanggungjawab aku, tuk unitekan korang semua. for being super active and a very good friend to others. kan kan?

so maybe the next project is to held charity to SKBP, print tshirt, organize bowling comp ke, maybe another family day? oh dammn i forget to invite both cikgu to attend. i am sorry. every raya its always cikgu mimah (haha eventho dia bukan cikgu kelas kita instead of cikgu june) which is izzah mom and my mom is both best friends and we both inherited the friendship. and this events and project will be revised each time. and i think we need a proper type of administration and organization, maybe akan di register as SME? mana tau? oh sme stands for small medium enterprise.

so akhir kata, guys, sebarang kekurangan atau salah dan silap ketika program itu, saya sebagai tuan organizer ingin meminta maaf di atas segala-gala apa jua. tanpa support daripada u guys, kebarangkalian tuk projek ini berjalan adalah mustahil, dan saya amat menghargai masa dan tenaga yang di luangkan kawan2 sekalian. banyak2 terima kasih dan yup, saya enjoy menghadiri program family day ini.

terima kasih
YDP - yumyum

man of god.

recently there were a bit of chaos in #twitterjaya. regarding somebody says that ribena and coke is HAROOM.  turned out to be a youtube video of one ustaz which state that ribena and coke is HAROOM is non other than ustaz azhar idrus.

there is a few things i dont like about him and his fans.

1. in that video he says that somebody from UK confirmed that ribena containing alcohol.

-did u test it urself?
-do u somewhat of a degree holder of food technology course?
-why jakim label it HALOL while u saying its HAROOM

2. coke is used as toilet cleaner? thinner?

-kidding me? i am alive and well after 25 years of consuming this shit
-my mom drink coke a lot longer than me. alive and still kicking it.
-u guys fuckin believe that coke soaked in pork and after 6 hours the worms comming out?


to me, ustaz azhar idrus is just another human, another person who have a little bit of deeper islamic understanding and while u guys believe everyshit coming out from his mouth without thinking. a no brainer.

ceramah dia best? aku tak penah lagi tgk full length. but according to my 25 years of living and listening to lecture, there no lecture which is not bored and sleepy until it came down to the Q & A section, which 90% consist of stupid questions which will break the sleepy moments with laughs.

am i right? am i? ok fine sbb dia ustaz korang semua bekap dia. ustaz tak penah fuckup. kan? *tgk utube ustaz azhar idrus tarik balik kata2 dia pasal coke & ribena haram*

watching 3-4 videos of him in utube, reading the screenshot siri sesi soal jawab with him at facebook make me facepalm. benda bodoh pon nak tanya? and he answered it all. which makes him look stupid. sigh. sigh. sighhh.

u might label me a org yg tak faham islam. u might label me a freethinker, u might label me murtad. but to my understandings. a person who goes to sekolah agama in johor, holding a certificate form jabatan agama islam johor which can be used to apply jobs as ustaz, imam, cikgu sekolah agama, i find this ustaz is only a celebrity ustaz. not that real kind of ustaz.

we will never agree on each other. i see things from a very different view, different perspective. i really treasure knowledge.

please. islam and knowledge co exist. do not separate both of this and adds on another factor, which is MELAYU.

faust, midas and myself

howdy. its been a while since i barely write anything here. its not like that i dont want to write or what. i am currently occupied with works and a self family day project which gonna be held this weekend.

i know. things happen.

MCFC losing to MUFC 2-3 in FA cup
Ustaz Azhar Idrus
Adam Adli

and so many shits.

i would love comments about those things but i think currently not now. i am freakin busy and i used to micro blogging there in twitter, so whatever thought that i have i will instantly jolt down there.

so for now. i am sorry. and i havent do #WW for 3 conservatives weeks. i am sorry also. let me catch a breath and blog again real soon. ja?

not. cool

so these past 2-3 days, amalina 17A is trending in malaysiaL with capital L in the end. stands for LOSER. mostly banyak melayu moslem dan moslemmah yg kaki2 serbanitas n hijabster je banyak bash budak genius ni memandangkan dia dah kale rambut, pakai hot pants, leggings n amik gambau dengan mat salleh.

bukan these clique je yg dok bashing, ada lagi yg bash, geng2 melayu blogger, penulis buku novel yang konon2 urban pasca moden serba alaf baru yg tahu blame the system and not even trying to repair and fix em. oh ya tak juga lupa ada jugak yg open minded tuk jadi perisai tak bergaji tuk amalina. whatever it is, everybody got something to say aite?

look. what is wrong in our society is mainly about the system, our own self, our culture, and our environment. and i think the most logical things to blame is our ancestors. in malaysia, we are bounded by stupid culture which derived from ancient hindu stuffs, pagan stuff, until islam came in melaka late 1400.

jenis culture yang mesti nak menyibuk apa org buat, jenis mesti nak dengki. mesti nak say something out of somebody's successful life. jenis nak menjatuhkan. hoi. dah la tak dapat 17A, kau nak komplen dia buat apa sial? kau lahir taun 1993. kau time tu si amalina amik SPM kau baru dajah bape sial. time tu tudung lilit pun tak wujud lagi. apa lagi blog. bodoh. kau internet pon tak kenal.

u see, understanding dakwah and doing it is both 2 different things. in dakwah, sindirian itu harus. dengan tujuan biar dia terasa sendiri. but what are u guys doing? wardina? directly kutuk? kau lupa diri kau sapa dulu? "tolong jangan sebut dosa lampau saya?" halo nanti kat akhirat tu kena timbang, dosa kau semua di sebut. kau hentam sana sini takpa. org hentam kau balik takleh? dah buang je blackberry kau. pegi jaga anak ngaja ngaji lagi bagus dari menambah dosa hentam org lepas tu.

apa beza kau dengan amalina? dia 17A. kau? paling kuat pon 11A. dia tak pakai tudung. kau pakai. persamaannya, kau berdua masih buat dosa, kering atau basah, berat atau tidak. dakwah kau ? sigh. tau ke dakwah ni ada 3 cara? ihsan, lisan, perbuatan. kau apa pun takde dalam 3 cara tu. yg aku nampak la. tu budak2 ling kok win dengan meng meng U? bogel siap ada anak semua 3gp kau taknak kondem?

perenggan pertama kau hentam, perenggan kedua kau cite camne dia waste duit kerajaan, perenggan ketiga kau cakap dia fail exam balik mesia, perenggan ke empat kau hentam mak dia pulak. perenggan ke 5 bagi nasihat jangan contohi dia.

aku ada 1 ayat je tuk kau. kau dengan tudung lilit kau semua boleh pergi meninggal.

kelakar. bagi yg konon2 pasca urban. tak habis2 guna terms yg mana org naif tak faham. kau sendiri membesar dengan terms tu. so tulis terms2 tu dan di perbacakan kepada golongan mental dan vokabulari rendah kau nampak la hebat, sebenarnya...kau...ah malas ah. aku sedar aku 10x lagi bagus dari kau semua yg pasca urban serta moden.

correct me if im wrong. islam tak menyuruh umat dia going backwards. malah interaksi antara lelaki dan perempuan di tuntut. tapi biar ada batas. ada law2 dia. bukan semata2 ah nampak pempuan terus taknak, terus haram, terus tak boleh. ini sekular nama dia. membelakangkan dunia. aku tak nampak bagi seorang penganut islam tak payah buat itu ini sebab berlainan jantina, nak jaga martabat maruah dan agama. sila amalkan dasar pandang ke barat. u see, eventho social dia mmg kaw2 teruk sex bebas apa semua. u see what is those free social benefits towards them. anak2 berkembang dan matang seawal usia 5 tahun. dah mula buat projek peribadi (FYP) seawal sekolah rendah. sekolah menengah dah ada diploma/degree alike.

those hindu culture, malay culture, buang ah jauh2. keep only whats islamic. i dont see any trouble in taking free social culture in islam, but with enforcing laws in islam. takde masalah.yet some people blame this and that. and we all grew up in that culture. arent we? so buang mentaliti melayu-hindu dalam hidup. takpayah la nak buang sangat dunia. ombak rindu ada tengok? mcm tu pakai tudung separuh bogel aksi. kau tak rasa malu ke bila kalimah ALLAH tu di lakonkan pempuan tak bertudung, lepas tu berkemban and so on. oh itu tak salah. kale rambut salah? FOINEEEE.


p/s: dunia ni pusing ke depan. bukan pusing ke belakang. islam itu syumul, cukup melengkapi sampai kiamat. jangan lupa. islam itu fleksible, bukan kau alter islam ubah mengikut kaum/bangsa/culture kau. 

hello 2012

i did nothing much on the new year's eve. lepak dengan homeboys kat seroja tgk man u kalah dengan blackburn. yet amin ajak aku ke melaka dengan din. aku pass. not in the mood to weng sana weng sini. end up pegi tgk the darkest hour in bp mall with dod. new year gays night. oh yeah. aku tadi pegi toilet on 11.59 31/12/2011 and keluar 12.06 1/1/2011 ahahah so aku dah masuk toilet selama setahun LEULZ

nah just kidding. 31/12/2011 to 31/12/2012 is considered 1 year. the movie was nice. the kid yg belakon in to the wild jadi hero. the kid yg sama belakon i want candy. good actor. but skrip dia a bit childish. maybe film ni for science fiction geek. but overall its really ok. not that bad. 3D awal2 je. late is quite ok la. menghampakan tapi ok. 3/5 stars.

the heroin is quite hot. really my type. dang ur so fine girl.

talking bout 2012.

nothing much. resolution? i aint need one. just living life and take it as what it is. simple.

and i just having a thought tadi in the movie. in this age of 25. im feeling like to settling down by the next 2 year. get me a girlfriend. date for a few months. marry her.

im considering a teacher or a nurse to be mine. and her trait must be like this :

-i dont want her to be a great cook, its enough if she can cook me asam pedas ikan pari and make me a glass of cold sirap selasih. #WIN

-not necessarily wearing tudung. either free hair. but fulfilling the islamic needs and does what the holy book says.

-can look after my mom and dad when their old.

-can tolerate if im coming back home late everynight.

-simply put her visual look must be like hyomin of course, but whatever may also can. ahahah, actually i found one. i just dont have the heart to tell her so. shes quite young. for now im gonna watch her from a far.

ah its 4.00 am. i dont know what i'll be doing tmr. maybe hang out around the arcade center again. maybe another round of movie. havent watch sherlock holmes and jack & jill yet.

maybe going to JPO? or a wipeout at local cyber cafe playing dota with JG homeboys.

well then good night. happy new year.
stay safe on the road.

and i gotta share this, the best lesson i learned from 2011 is

"family bonds are important". <-- this word came out from a person who used to hate and denies his own flesh and blood siblings.