you're beautiful. and you're confusing.
you're illogical and you're amazing.

and i've seen the world.
its overrated

until you're everything
i have nothing.

but empty space

raya, post raya, during puasa stuffs.

pretty much few pics and descriptions on what i did - puasa, raya, post raya

involved with a small charity project - gamers 4 good which is aim to raised funds to help those people who are affected with sabah quake. we sell kad raya, jual vvip premium personal collectible stuffs, lelong in game items avatars. was a success even working with a very limited time and workforce ^_^

i came home just to find this in my room. awh so cute. anak kucennnn everywhere :D

last balik last time raya haji last year, and when my aunt passed away last june. almost lupa mcm mana rasa lauk mak masak. dan akhir dapat juga merasa lauk mak masak (after i decide p mati, aku taknak stay sampai rabu baru balik, so i chow on tuesday hahaha), merasa sahur dgn buka sama family. i was busy, and pre-occupied with lotssa works and personal issues to deal with. and u just cant find asam pedas yg betul2 boleh di telan kat KL ni. have to go home to eat one. authentic asam pedas from johor. bukan indon masak, bukan kelantan kedah ke negeri mana masak. heheh

selfie, me and my mom. 

raya 99. siang malam pagi petang selagi ada rumah selagi tu raya.

raya, again

i've seen a lot of post about raya. mostly about raya tak best, raya boring, raya this, raya that. makes me smile when i try to recall about whats raya means to me.

i am just like u, going to the same phase/process of life. i find raya is boring when i was at ur age. and here i am, today, raya is one of the things that i look forward to. besides a short brief of holiday, every raya does mean something to me, as u grow up older another year, leaving it all behind.

when i was just about ur age, raya doesnt seems important to me. apatah lagi puasa. just like any other normal days to me. cuma tak makan bila time puasa, raya tu jumpa family members salam2 pastu dah. tido. ada rezeki dapatlah duit raya. lepas tu nak cepat2 balik uni. raya bosan.

tapi after few years, puasa/raya does have its personal meanings to me. as i grow up, i have very little time to spend with my family. and one by one, my friends are getting married and have their own family. people who i love the most, people who i spend my entire life growing up with, people who i consider the closest after my own siblings, people who were there when i need them the most and vice versa. perhaps u guys had this kind of relationship with ur friends. to me, this bond, will last forever. and as i grow up, i didnt even had any chance to meet em, have drinks together, share stories, catching up and stuffs. i barely had time for all of these. apatah lagi punya masa nak balik ke kampung jenguk mak abah dgn kawan2.

i miss them. i do, really. i wish that i am young again. i wish that i could hangout with my mates again, like the old times. but honestly, right now, with the current busy lifestyle and sorts - i cant. they all have their own lives to live and the only chance that i have to meet them - raya. i believe they felt the same as i did. besides, i get to enjoy raya as an adult. instead of student/kids. so i can learn how to mix and mingle with other adults, perhaps get to know my family members even further.

kinda sad tgk generasi zaman ni. raya ke tak raya ke sama je bagi diorang. smart phones, tablets, internet. totally a different meaning terhadap raya to them. they no longer want to talk to the elders, apatah lagi tegur sesama cousin etc. ngadap fon, suruh buat itu tak tau, ini tak tau, berapa sangat la yg tahu. rumah makcik2 lagi la entah zaman bila last melawat tak tau. see? how can u say raya ni not happy? kalau ada internal family conflict tu aku tak dapat la nak cakap apa, but try to find a way to settle.

my aunt and her son passed away late may, and her death somehow affected whole family. another member gone. i was close to her, but bila dah adult ni aku pun jarang balik, sedih rasa sbb tak dapat jumpa dah. and i hope u people do cherish ur family and try to spend time together when u have the chance to do so.


so semua ni based on my personal experience lah, as a family-bond-oriented kind of person. my raya was awesome, but i take it for granted. and i hope walau tak best mana pun raya anda, please at least try to find the happiness during this festive season?


so, hows your raya last year? care to share?

p/s : please be safe during this festive season as people travel back to their hometown, busy on the road and everything, take care of urself aight? penat rehat, tido. tukar driver, jgn laju2, biar lambat asal selamat. and kalau nak jimat, carpool lah balik kampung :D selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin

another dota ramblings.

i have been playing dota and involved with dota since i was 15 years old. i have been playing under alot of teams (amateur-semi pro) for a very long period of time, from being a core role to support, captain and coach back and forth and now i am playing with a new team (meet joe black) in some sort of amateur-semi pro tournaments and league. currently won a wildcard place in #TJLANPARTY3 and hoping we could get into the lan finals in august

besides that, i am also working as an admin for twt_dota malaysia, and currently doing a few projects with esports malaysia back to back, organized a lot of official and unofficial dota tournaments and leagues, a newbie/newcomer caster in the scene and part time dota-analyst of my own.

dota have evolved into something new that even i, an old timer have problem digesting their new meta-plays and strategy. and new comers these days, those youngster could easily bring u down with their aggressive plays. and dota is going global. look at the internationals. entering its 5th time. and the current prize pool right now is around 15 million. how can u say no to this?

knowing that my time and era is almost over, i always want to do something to help esports (personally dota) to bloom in our country. that is one of the reason why i started twt_dota. and with the establishment of esm (esportsmalaysia), i hope we could achieve this dream.

theres not much i could offer and do besides my time and experience playing/handling dota events n related things. but the reason why i am writing this is because i want to say that i am going to slow down and focus in my career. i know its has been a few times before i announce my retirement. from taking down my own offical account and such, and again with a comeback, and another announcement blablabla, and dont take this wrong, retiring - doesnt mean that i will stop playing dota n stop getting myself involved in any area/aspects of dota. its just i want to slow down and focus on other things. and partly because of my career/day job. my supervisor knows about my involvement with these dota thingy and few more afterwork activities and he gave me few advice. maybe he wants me to reconsider my involvement in dota. which one is more important. more or less likely,  yes i admit, my involvement affects my performance at work. sleeping late night, waking up early, loss of focus. lack of involvement in the office. and few more other things.

twt_dota and tjlanparty is now being passed on to new faces, and meet joe black will be disbanded after tjlanparty3. idk if they are going to stay together and find a replacement for me. but yeah. this is my 1st time joining and playing with new faces and not bad actually. switching my role from mid to offlane gives me new perspective about the game and change the way i approach the game as a whole. i started reading on the discussions (patch updates), watch a lot of vods, replays, study about cm games in depth. just like a football whos managing epl teams does. yes, it is that serious.

and i planned to gradually slowing and minimizing myself in dota after both tjlanparty3 and the international 5. slowly, finding a replacement to take my place and train them so they can continue what have i started long ago. yeap. i think, this is it. this is where i stop.

the best of me

i could forget your name
i could forget your face forever
i could forget about the smile you always faked
the one you thought I bought, but never


i could forget your lies
i could forget to hide for always
i could forget how desperately you tried
flattery would get you nowhere
i could forget how you had tried to get the best of me


i could forget your pride
i could forget your wandering eyes
i could forget about the way you made me feel
you talk to me so condescending
i could forget how you had tried to get the best of me


you'll never forget that you never got me