letters to madame mademoiselle

im sorry that i cant be there for you whenever you want me to

- little that you know about my work and its job scope. i need to be here and there because of my work

im sorry that i have to spend most of my weekend and time working.

-  again, if you want to ask me out, or spend my time with you, please do so earlier. so i can manage my work timetable and find replacement just so we could find the time for it. everytime i wanted to tell you about what im doing until im this busy, we end up talking about you and your things. so i lose interest everytime, and only god knows how much i want to tell you about it..you wont never ask me about it..

im sorry that i have to ask you for some space and time for the time being

- little that you know that i am currently slowly adapting in to this new life. with my family moving, i need to help my mom to do this, and that. i need to manage my time just so i can talk to u without any other things dragging me down. by now you should know as the eldest son, not being there with my family while they are packing and arranging things and helping them pack, apatah lagi balik sana n help..

some time and space for us to grow is good. so you could understand me and vice versa. and we have to learn how to respect each others - ground rules, space, time and such.

what else?

i know i cant make you stay. i know i cant make you go either. i do want you to stay. but im done being in a relationship that will end up like this. by now you should know that i am not going away. i know you too. if you want to walk away from all of these, you already would. not now. not this. what happen to you? i know what happen to me. 

when i ask for time and space, did i ever leave you? its just, to rply and to give myself to you would take time, but not that long. whenever im free. did i ever leave you hanging? nope. its like the usual, but less me seeing or talking to you. but im there, im here. i always do and i always was. and you act like im leaving you for someone else.

im hurt too. in case you forgot. i suffer from missing you, wanting you too. but i have to go through with it. just go with it. i want to talk to you. i want to see you so bad. but for now, just hold on. bare with me and my imperfections, learn about me. ask me things. not assume things. 

i love you. i want this, but if were going this way, and ifs not too late, let me save us. and if you want to be here, with me. tell me. letting go was never easy, never will be. never will do. and not with you.

im tired of fighting, mentally, emotionally. please stop doing this to me. i cant take it anymore. im about to break.