december. again


i am still breathing. dont worry. if any of you wonder. i know i have been missing for quite sometimes. and its not because of i didnt have time to come here to tell stories or i have been busy or whats not. 

its just i have been struggling with some issues. like losing focus. demotivated. uninspired. like im losing my mojo. the constant changes around me makes me feel like that. it seems like i cant catch up with the changes and i simply let myself lost somewhere..or in between. 

i am the opposite of my own self right now. i feel stuck somewhere between my own mind and will. waking up isnt as easy as it should. my routine and discipline deteriorated. i always find an excuse for not going into the office as i am avoiding responsibilities. i feel tired all the time. going home after lunch were my routine. and i sleep a lot. its the same with everything, not only work.

been avoiding, ignoring people. buat apa layan, like they gonna offer me help anyway. menambah masalah adalah. always need to help them with this and that. bagi lagi semak kepala. currently trying to break the cycle bcos its getting worst. bos pun dah tegur awat asik tak masuk office. selalu orang tak kesah sangat aku masuk ke tak but somehow they do and probably tgh effek performance. hari2 adalah struggle. celik mata, rasa mcm tak worthy lansung bangun pagi and do stuffs. for people. even for my ownself. lacking the motivation to keep on going, nobody to fight for. 

definitely bukan vibe hujung tahun. feels like the my own demon is catching up with me. to swallow me whole. and theres nothing i can do to stop it from happening.