bad week

i've been thru shit last week. the most shittiest shit i ever had in a bad shit week. sebenarnya penat memikir. penat. memperjuangkan sesuatu yang bukan perjuangan kita. penat juga memikirkan perjuangan kita yang entah-apa-apa-entah.

doesnt feel like human at all. rasa mcm dah di programkan tuk bangun pagi, tarik muka senyum sehabis boleh, sehipokrit mana yang mampu. lepas tu balik, benamkan muka dalam singki penuh air. tengok diri sendiri dalam cermin.

"whattafuk". sekali. pekat. jelas.

this new working hours ni challenging gila. and i got to pick 2 days off dari any of working days.

i tried to do something. just to get my mind of things. things that i didnt even want to think about. and it doesnt matter how much bong u've smoke tonight. or gyms or play any futsal or badminton, now many teh tarik glasses u had with ur buddies.

u still go to bed everynight going over every detail and wonder what u did wrong. or maybe, how u could have gone misunderstand.

and how the hell for that short moment, u cud think that u were happy. or at least ur not.

and sometimes u can even convince urself that maybe, this is it.

and after all of that. however long all that maybe. and u'll finally gone somewhere.

go and meet people who'll make u feel worthy again. and those missing puzzle of ur soul and life journey will come back. and all that time wasted, all that life that u've wasted, will eventually begin to fade. one by one. bit by bit.

u'll just have to believe. dont lose hope.