mojo, and its gone

i have been very lazy and super laid back when ramadhan happpened. with the change in my timetable and work, it turns me a very terrible and irresponsible person. lets starts with my morning routine. i need to get to the office at least before 9. and i sleep everynight at 2, and wakes up for sahur at 4, which is a very early to me since i've moved out and stayed with jerol. i realized it was my fault bcos i cant adapt to the time. and i end up overslept till 10 - 1030, and went to work very late and lied a few times.

this is not me. and then, supposedly the time to go home at 430. but since im hunting for market out there, i always kaw tim with my driver suruh tutup pukul 2.30. so i can go home at 3. i barely came to the office since the area im working is within my travelling distance, so i took advantage of myself and my routine by sleeping late, and waking up late, in a cycle where it happened for a month n counting right until now today.

i am very disappointed with myself. and this is why i write this down so every time i came down here to rant, i would read this one and feel ashamed of myself. god. this need to stop. i keep giving myself a grace period so i can start into a new routine but it just wont work out, for now.

to list it down again, my travelling distance to office increased, and i didnt have a proper bike to go to work because it can only go at 80 kmh max. so this adds like 20-25 mins travelling time to my 45 mins ride. its hard. sometimes i have to go work early in the morning, sometimes masuk petang, this unbalanced and uncontrollable environment (seems like flexible but it does not) also contribute to this. for now theres no way to fix this besides to get a better bike which can travel a lot faster, while maintaining my sleep routine 2.30 - 6.30, so i can have a 1 hour to bersiap, another 1 hour to travel.

*i know, trying my best to fix my sleeping pattern and then i can only get my bike on september, just dont judge*

there. but thats not it.

my attitudeeeee. its the biggest. lately i have been working on n off because of my mood. when im rajin, and my higher self we in motion, i will do my work accordingly, but starting this bulan puasa, i am very lazy ya know. i keep on procrastinating. delaying petty works which can be done in a few mins, and didnt keep a very good communication between my team. i was like, ah ok, ok buat je anything report back. masuk telinga kanan keluar telinga kiri. i havent apologized to my partner for covering my ass up everytime i turned up late to the location that i needed to go. doesnt even speak to him becos i keep on hanging out on social sites while juggling thru work. he must be mad at me, thinking im a jerk, and he would smack my face off.

 this, has got, to stop. and it already begin. i started with a 12 hour event routine, and yet still arrive 30 mins late, and still make it to the event despite salah jalan and so. and i spend 12 hours collecting demand list and it does feel good, and it pays. penat, layu, tapi layan je. baru terasa penat dia bekerja secara betul-betul. dah sebulan lebih sedap, ha padan muka. more events coming these few weekends as Q3 kalender starts. next is i have to make sure i show up in the office 4/5 times in a week so i can update myself with things and listen to my team and get updates about them.

and i am not used to being alone, it has been 2 months since i have been getting morning calls/texts/wake up call and someone to actually hushes me around. i miss that person sometimes, sometimes the routine. gotta get myself used to it. did it before. going to do it one more time

eh dah. sendu pula dia

fun fact : it would take 23 days to change one's routine. and it resets everytime you cheat.