the end of the road

i intended to quit being part of the dota community numerous times. but in the end, i always drawn back to it. i keep telling people this this this but not the actual reason behind all of that.

lets start with these organization of mine. we consist of few people who are dota enthusiasts and were into dota. me personally, i have a personal background of my own. i grew up with this thing, knows people thru this thing, and contribute to it.

seeing this thing grow, and perhaps people can carry on for me, so i can slowly fade away and retire for good.

but it didnt seem to happen anyway. some people sees this as opportunity. to climb up the social ladder, just to be in the hype just bcos they are excited about things, events, the fame and shit. but then it comes to the real labor, semua pun malas. heck, they didnt even bother to tanya. apatah lagi amik port.

and everytime things are not in order, it was always me. keeping things together. sorang-sorang. one man show. sendiri pegi sendiri tulis sendiri buat. wheres the others? some would probably run away, tinggalkan mcm tu bcos of personal problem. fokus benda lain. abis orang lain takyah fokus benda lain? orang lain takde life yg dia nak kena manage? kinda sad seeing things you've spent time to build, hilang mcm tu je.

responsibility plays a very big part in this. kau dah sibuk2 nak join bagai sbb ada event, kau jugak yg lari lepas tu. sibuk2 nak colab sana sini, pun tak terbawa. i cleaned up your mess few times before. buat program tinggal, buat program takde orang jaga. amende? kalau tak boleh commit, tak serius, takyah la kot. kalau nak jump social ladder, nak people to know you, pun tak payah jugak.

and dgn bangangnya our regulator (ESM) n astro hiring some noobs untuk channel egg network dia. dont think i have anymore interest in esports. no point dah buat benda ni. takde feel. diorang bukan buat benda ni out of passion. these people have lost their way. and me seeing this, makes me lose it all.

i will stay with the team until the end of the year, and thats it. no more for me. im done. time for me to be selfish and focus on what i want to do next.