that feel.

its 2.37 am. im having difficulty to breathe normally and i apparently using oxygen mask to help me breathe, i've  been in this state since 3 pm. and yet they didnt have any clue what happen to me. now im waiting for my urine test result. blood test shows that i am very tired, severe dehydration, great weight loss (inappropriate way), unmanaged stress, fatigue and summore. and suddenly i cant really breathe, they said that im allergic to this medication they gave me but as far as i know i didnt had any allergic case.

fine. this is not what im going to talk about. im going to talk about. disappointment and lies u tell urself. since im heavily drugged and barely use this laptop to write, im going to list it down only. elaboration? u guys are too smart to do it on ur own.

1. lie to urself, that ur going to get home early (thinking of ur having somebody at home waiting for u to comeback from work) and the truth is, there is nobody waiting for u. open up the door and the only thing u see is emptiness in the house, and switching the lights on, realizing how hard u work today and it would be nice to have someone asking, hows work? need a drink?

2. going to a meet up/hangout but being treated like u were never there. just come there, blow some smokes, eat some, and let them people talk bout stuffs, ie: twitter, followers, trending, etc2. - look, ur there just to have someone to accompany u to eat and maybe ask a few question to catch up. honestly, truth hurts.

3. going back to hometown, without telling in-prior to ur family or siblings. just like case number 1, arrive home, nobody's waiting for ya. buddies from home town also didnt notice, or might really forget, either way u tell em or not. in the end, its just u, ur laptop, and ur home.

4. off to a mall. just to get urself the idea of hanging out. trust me, in my age, my situation, there is less time for u to visit one. so u'll just need to go to one by urself, and brain it. how does it feels to enter a bookstore, and choose a book. dine alone in the mall. walk here and there. watching people, hoping that u'll bump into somebody u know. buy urself some magazine and go home, forgetting the reason why ur having that magazine in ur bed.

5. to spend the weekend night at home, during rain, eating off nasik lemak off ur tummy and watch cerekarama by urself and getting whatsapps notification or a mention.

for now, its just these 5 things i would to share, im really having difficulties in breathing, and i really think i need to go now. i must get some sleep.

till then. good night.