mask

hey. its almost 4 am. and i cant sleep. played a few games of dota. and actually i am currently active training for a mini tourney coming soon. anyway, that is not the reason why i decide to wrote this down.

i think. i had enuf of people shit. boring. the same old same old shit.

there. 

im going to bed. goodnight

hello december, a long lengthy post - a note

dear future girlfriend of qayyum,

please take care of him. he's fun to begin with. he's amazing. he will drive u insanely crazy, happy, boost each and every senses inside of u. hes "unsangkarable" at times. hes a bad liar. he said this all the time - "no im not angry" and yet u'll be sensing the most hostile attitude ever. he'll text u until 6 am in the morning. even in the most difficult times eg ; different time zones. never underestimate him, never let ur guard down. he's competitively active. he's smart, he's loyal. yes he might ditch u everytime when he's with his boys, but those late night's sorry's, calls, always make up for it. those funny feelings/butterflies ur feeling rn? that, wont probably go away. please love him. always take what he did, gave u, and do treasure him, because his love for u for is never ending. all he wanted is just a little bit of appreciation of what he did. he's an achiever, he brags a lot but one thing is for sure, hes good in everything he does. and one thing for sure, u wont probably know when all of these, will end, and when it does, please, please cherish the moments, memories, that he left behind, just like i do, and i will, forever.

with love, his past girlfriend.

p/s: idk who sent this. i just re-wrote this shit. as requested. anyways, thank you. for whatever we both has gone thru and the memories still lingers. lets just remember all the good times and let the bad times slip away?

disappointments.

i always have this series of thoughts - leaving everything behind and never comeback. but, in the end of the day, after all things has been said and done. i wake up and keep telling myself. dont, just dont. whatever u do, whatever these people do. this is all u got left.

and i dont know why. i keep coming back. i keep fighting for these people i call, disappointments. those who didnt work hard enuf. those who dont have the heart or even half the heart to do things. even for themselves.

i need to learn to say no. i need to leave, people and things behind. as they drag me along down their road. bring me down. they need to learn to fight for themselves instead people fighting for them.

will u guys stand up for urself? will u fight for ur own cause? will u fight for somebody else?

i want something for myself too. theres things i want to chase too. and theres a lot i want to achieve too. but u people seems to dragging me down the lane.

i need to learn how to break hearts. i definitely need to learn to disappoint others as they are doing the same thing, to me. for so long, after so many times, so many years.

hello december, a long lengthy post - part two : PD trip

organized a trip to PD with my bois last weekend. i think they deserve this. weekend gateaway. actually tradisi ni dari zaman kcr lagi, so i think i'll pass down this tradition down to the twt_dota boys. and i needed the break too. since i have been working non-stop since mid-nov up till now.

theres time when my brain stops functioning, when logics and thinking objectively doesnt work nemore, and when the time comes where i cant take it anymore. all of those things, things in between, things those hidden from those people, is getting at me. swallowing me whole. consuming whatever it wants in its wake. make me feel worthless. makes me want to give up after putting up with so many shits, chings and chongs. 

and yeah, thank you bois. for the early birthday celebration. i havent gave it a thought myself. rupanya dah dekat. its rare for me or people to celebrate my own birthday. even dekat opis pun i didnt tell anybody about who am i, where i am from, those details..ya know.

tgh sedap panggang2 ayam, tiba2 ada cake pastu ramai2 nyanyi. wuuu teharu :((

 serendipity 

oh look! bbq pardy!

taa-dah! 

my birthday cake. hehe thank you ^_^

#30mandotobois

a very rare pic. HAHAHAH!

hello december, a long lengthy post - part one

hi, i have been very super busy lately. feels like im living thru my deg years all over again. i barely sleeps at night. only 3-4 hours per night. juggling btwn work, social life, charity, events, community, and shits. i dont even have time for myself. look at me. look me in the eye and tell me that i need haircut. iron my shirts and eat properly.

anyway, i just got myself transfered. to cyberjaya. its been a while since my last transfer. actually i asked for batu pahat. so i can look over my family. my dad isnt that healty nemore. few things happened. and we all staying strong as a family. and for now, theres nobody to look over my mom too. so as the eldest son i have to go back and watch over things. but theres nothing yet on the request. and im definitely going to cyberjaya next jan.

i learn so many things here. and so many things from people too. and i thanked each and everyone of u for that. its been a rough year for me, for my family, and i guess u guys too.

and responsibility isnt as easy as its spelled. theres so much to be done, to be scarified, u'll learn theres things u must let go, theres things that u wont be able to fulfill, and yet be grateful for everysingle thing that happened. theres a reason why it happen on the first place.


after all, at this point, we take whatever that we could, just to be happy, right?